#mentalhealthmatters & domestic violence

My husband and I along with a few friends have formed a nonprofit, Broken Pieces No More, Inc. This faith-based ministry was formed to help raise awareness of various forms of abuse and to provide healthy solutions for healing. When we were planning our 2nd child abuse awareness event back in April 2019 and I found a report stating Kentucky ranks #1 in our nation for substantiated child abuse cases I knew then I had to do something!

Growing up I experienced pretty much every form of abuse you can imagine, although I was never burnt with anything and for that I praise God! I was locked in a cold, dark celler for hours at a time! I was tied to my own bed, (why my bed I have not yet figured out!), where men and women took their pleasure from my little girl’s body. I was whipped with switches till blood ran down my legs or beaten with a belt however never leaving harsh marks because my perpetrator knew where to hit me!

I was pimped out by my mother and grandmother to men in the community for money to ‘help pay the light bill’. I was dedicated to satan at age 3; I was supposed to have been sacrificed at age 30. But God!

I used to believe the only reason I was born was to give men and women sexual pleasure! I believed a lie!

My mother, grandmother and an uncle were my three main abusers!

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On Oct. 17th we had our first annual domestic violence awareness event. Again eye-opening when I discovered in my research that Kentucky is ranked #9 in the nation for deaths among women in domestic violence!

We at Broken Pieces No More Inc want to thank Rocky Hollow Athletic Club so much for believing in what we are doing and helping with our event. They provided a warm and safe place for us to hold our 1st annual domestic violence awareness event. Thank you County Executive Judge Kelley for your heartfelt words of encouragement to all of us that it takes the love of Jesus to make a change!

A big thank you to National Impressionist/Singer Kevin Adams who entertained us with his special talent! When Elvis entered the building it was amazing! A special thank you to all the vendors, both craft and informational, who came out to stand with us in helping to make a difference. The various speakers in our program, the survivors who were brave enough to stand up and share their truth we thank you! Thank you to Somerset Community Mission for believing in our ministry and serving with us! To all who joined us…thank you so much! Together we can make a difference!

 

This still being October, which is National Domestic Violence Awareness month, it’s important we continue to get the word out that no one deserves to be abused! And please don’t forget, men are abused as well. There’s no excuse for that! We must all begin to ‘Spark the Change’ in our homes, our communities, our counties if we want to see lasting change spread across this great state! One person, man or woman, boy or girl, is one too many being abused!

I know from my own experience with d.v. that so many turned the other way. Maybe they didn’t believe me. Maybe they just couldn’t handle the truth. Maybe they too were experiencing their own form of d.v. There are many forms! I was never hit which still amazes me but I believe that was a God thing for I fear I might have shot someone!

I was, however, raped repeatedly! Money was a major issue often used as a bribe for me to perform better, do better or was simply withheld from me because ‘you don’t deserve anything’. Stalking was a major problem for me in d.v as my former husband had me followed, checked my odometer and often told me, “you don’t need to go anywhere cuz you’re just putting more wear and tear on the car”. The unspoken demand that everything be in its place and if not, there would be severe consequences! I gained personal insight into narcissism too. Years of wondering if ‘today would be the day’! Living with fear until it began to eat my insides up with constant worrying and concern and trying to gain enough courage to kill myself! I’m so thankful I did not do that! No, I wouldn’t wish any form of abuse on anyone!

There are many wonderful organizations in our area and beyond who work tirelessly to make a difference in the lives of those they work with and I applaud them. Even so, I believe that we can do more because the numbers beg to differ in that we have a problem of widespread abuse in our area. We can work together to help ‘Spark the Change’ in how we view our neighbors, our fellow citizens no matter what!

In all this I have learned to say ‘But God!’ Not just as a flippant statement but without Him I would not be who I am today! I am so very grateful He has helped me learn how to forgive those who abused my body, my soul! I am letting go and learning how to live a life of freedom and great peace! #dramanomore

BPNM will be having our first women’s group meeting on Tue, Nov 5th at 7:00-8:30 at Somerset Community Mission next to Big Lots. This group is open to all women who are searching for her own path, her purpose and to discover her passion. We hope you will come on out and join us! We believe there will be something for every woman! You can also look up our women’s group on facebook at Women Warriors Rising Up. Join us no matter where you live! We’re here to support one another!

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BPNM will be hosting our first fundraiser at Rocky Hollow Athletic Club, Somerset, Ky on Friday, Nov 8th from 5:00-8:30. We’ll be having a chili supper and silent auction. We are raising start-up funds to enable us to be more active both here and across our great state! ‘Come go with us as we take it to the streets’ and help ‘Spark the Change’! Please consider donating to our auction!

You may contact us at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or follow us on face book at Broken Pieces No More Inc.  Or you may drop a line or a donation to BPNM PO Box 1373, Somerset, Ky 42502.

We’d so love to have you on our team.

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#mentalhealth and my mother’s death

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In June we placed my mom under Hospice care. She’d developed two large blood clots, one in each lung. There was medicine she could have taken to help reduce those and extend her life but after talking with her, she was adamant that she did not want medicine. Her words, “I’m ready to go see Jesus and Tommy!” He was her husband who’d passed years ago. So I told them to leave her be!

When you’re the POA (Power of Attorney) for someone it’s a huge responsibility. Even though I’d rather have her around for years to come, I had to consider her wishes and quality of life. Not only was mom dealing with the effects of these blood clots but she also had dementia. She had good days and bad days.

However, in the beginning, when my husband and I would go visit her she had some really good ones. Days I will forever cherish! Visits I will be forever thankful for!

On one of those good days, she apologized to me for every bad thing that had ever happened in my life. She also apologized to my beloved for when she’d worked with an attorney to split us up in 1980. She often looked me with such love in her eyes and told me, “You sure are beautiful!” Words I’d never heard growing up.

We also talked about the books I’m writing. She’d read the first one, Secrets in the Hollers. Book two, Secrets Exposed, is soon to be released. Several times she told me, “You know, don’t you, that your books are going to help many people heal from what they had to live through!

 

 

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Again, wow! Those words were like a soothing balm to my wounded soul because all I’d heard growing up and into adulthood from my mother was how worthless and sorry I was. How I’d never amount to anything. Now I know those were lies spoken by the enemy through my mother!

When she apologized to my husband, she looked at him sincerely and told him how sorry she was for interfering in our marriage and causing so much pain but she couldn’t stand the thought of him ‘taking my baby away’. It was so good and so healing to hear her say those words. I am thankful that God has helped me walk this path finding that I am able, with His help, of forgiving others!

During her last week on earth, I found out that she had a number of documented different personalities. I’ve prayed about whether or not to share this information but if it can help one person, one family, to overcome mental illness then it’s worth it. Many years ago when I first began my own healing journey I was documented to having at least 16. It’s not prideful that I share that but truth!

And why did both my mother and I have multiple personalities?

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Because of the horrific trauma, we both suffered in childhood from terrible ongoing child abuse! I have traced abuse back on my mother’s and father’s side at least for four/five generations! Abuse is a generational curse! But it can be broken! I have and you can too!

It angers me when I hear others say things like, well, we just didn’t want anyone to know; or, you know, it just is how we are; or other hogwash! Well, go on! Live life in an abusive state. Don’t step up and step out to make healthier decisions. Wait! I guess that sounds a bit harsh! Well, shoot! Truly we’re either part of the problem or the solution. I’ve decided I want to be part of the solution which means shining a spotlight on the horrors of abuse! Even if I have to do so alone! One of those ways I do so is in my writings and through the non-profit, we have formed!

On Oct 17th Broken Pieces No More, Inc, a faith-based, not for profit will be hosting our first annual event to help raise awareness of domestic violence, Hope for All, at Rocky Hollow in Somerset, Ky. No one deserves to be abused.

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We are helping to raise awareness on various forms of abuse and provide direction for healthy choices of healing. We will have vendors who will be selling items as well as providing information. National Impressionist/Singer Kevin Adams will provide entertainment from 5:30-7:00. Our program will be held from 7:00-8:30. Mayor Keck and County Judge Kelley will be sharing encouraging words and we’ll have a demonstration from East West Karata for women’s safety! And more!

Feel free to contact us: brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or follow us on facebook: Broken Pieces No More Inc where we post regular updates. You can also follow my blog: pamelarichardswoodall.com

#daretodream I am!

Dreams!

We all have them!

Some of us put ’em in a box and shove them to the back of our mind hoping maybe one day we’ll pursue them. Maybe we’re afraid to dream for fear of failure….or perhaps fear of succeeding! Hummm….  Others of us jump on board with our dreams no matter what. I’ve been kinda stuck somewhere in the middle.

I’ve wanted to be an author, a writer since I was a young girl-child. I wrote my first story, Bears Foot Town when I was nine years old. When I was sixteen my mother bought me my first typewriter…yes, the old fashion kind. A manual! I continued pounding out short stories year after year. I so wish I hadn’t of lost them in my various moves but alas, I no longer have them. However, I am forever creating new stories in my mind and often times pounding them out on my laptop.

But….I’ve decided to take the plunge and pursue my dream of becoming a published author!

My first book, Secrets in the Hollers, was written in a fictional setting taking place in a small town in eastern Kentucky based on a true story: Mine! This first book in the Secret series shares my story of horrific child abuse I fought with all my being to overcome! Physical. Mental/emotional. Sexual. Even being pimped out by those who were supposed to have loved and protected me to men in the community to help ‘pay the light bill’! My own personal experience with human sex slave trafficking!

 

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With in the month, I’ll be sending book 2, Secrets Exposed, to the printer. This book deals with various forms of narcissism and domestic violence I experienced. It’s time to expose those secrets we have all been listening to! #secretsnomore

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I am so thankful I’ve had the hope of Jesus to walk with me every step of the way. Does that mean life’s been easy or without pain?

Goodness me NO! But with His hope, I’ve been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel! I’ve been able to see a purpose in my life!

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Don’t let anyone steal your dreams!

Dreams do matter! I believe they help give you a reason to get up in the morning and move forward. I also believe they are given to us by our Poppa God as part of His amazing purpose and plan to help bring His Kingdom to earth from Heaven.

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I would love to hear about your dreams!

Drop me a line here or hit me up on face book at Author Pamela Richards Woodall or you can send a snail  mail to PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502

Let’s dream together!

#Grievinghurts : The Loss of a Daughter’s Dream Mother

 

Recently, my husband and I placed my mother under Hospice care. That was a hard decision! My mother and I have had a perilous relationship all my life. We never connected in a healthy mother-daughter relationship which has caused me to repeat many of those unhealthy learned behaviors. I’m thankful for those in my life and my relationship with Jesus for helping me see the need to create healthy behaviors and boundaries, and to quickly forgive! Nope…not always easy but necessary!

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These past weeks as I’ve watched this woman who carried me in her womb and gave birth to me deteriorate, weaken, fall many times, retreat to her childhood, shrink back in morbid fear from whatever demons may be haunting her….I’ve realized I’ve been given a precious gift. And I grabbed it with both hands.

I have traced child abuse back five generations on both sides of my family. Abuse has been a generational curse but for me, it has stopped. I’ve had to do a lot of forgiving but it’s necessary if I am to gain healing and freedom. I chose to forgive my mother which has also led me to forgive her mother and even her mother for not knowing how to bestow on each daughter, in turn, healthy nurturing a mother should be able to willingly do.

We become what we are taught in our childhood whether good or bad. When we are children it is never our fault for the bad things that happen. But when we become an adult, it is our responsibility to seek our Father’s healing through prayer, studying the Word, and seeking godly counselors with an on purpose determination to overcome the lies of the enemy to become the man or woman God designed us to be.

I found this article in Psychology Today about the wounds daughters receive when the mother-daughter relationship is unhealthy.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201304/daughters-unloving-mothers-7-common-wounds

We as mothers do have the ability to turn things around. It is our responsibility to gain healing for ourselves plus teach our daughters and granddaughters how wonderfully special they are! It’s time to stop the cycle of teaching them they are worthless or stupid and will never amount to anything and so much worse! Those are lies from the enemy! Search the Word of God to gain His truth of what He says about you and your children!

For the past several weeks when we’ve visited my mom we’ve been blessed with some good visits: Not all visits have been good. When she’s been alert, she has given us a very special gift! She has apologized to my beloved husband and myself for the hurts she’s caused in our life!

(There have been many wounds that have created a deep chasm down through the fabric of time that can never be changed nor the consequences for those actions. But we learn what we can to grow into a better person and make the choice to not repeat the cycle.)

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That for me is huge!! I view these conversations as a sweet gift from God to redeem the past and apply the balm of Gilead to those wounds my soul has carried for many years. And healing my mother’s soul!

I have no idea when she will pass. Doctors say it could happen today or several months from now. She has two large blood clots in her lungs. She’s beginning to eat less and falls frequently. It hurts my heart to see her having to live this way but I know God’s got it! I’m thankful for the blessings I’ve been given. Doesn’t mean it hurts less for I still have a lot of emotional pain but I’m learning to let go and give it to Him! And I am grateful for every visit I get with her especially when she’s alert and we can laugh and enjoy being together!

I’ve made her funeral plans. I know some may think that morbid but I’d rather do it now when there’s less stress than wait till the time is here when the stress will be greater. She says she’s ready to go and is leaving the arrangements up to my husband and me. It will be a sweet home-going! I plan to speak at her home-doing celebration to share the positive things about her and to share also that mental health is so very important!

When you grow up hearing such ugly words from your mother plus all the other abuses, it rips your soul especially from a mother to a daughter. But when you do receive the opportunity to hear your mother look you squarely in the eye and say, “I am sorry I hurt you!” Or, “You are so beautiful!” Or, “I’m so proud of you!” Or, “I know your books are going to help so many people!” It makes your soul gain deep inner healing and soar as it was meant to be!

 

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My momma and me

I am praying for the relationship you have with your mother, whether she’s alive or passed, whether you’re a son or daughter! It matters! I care! May God through His precious Son, Jesus Christ, touch your soul in a deep way to bring healing!

Please feel to follow us in our new group, Broken Pieces No More, on facebook.

I’d love to hear your story! You can reach me at PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42501 or brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com

No one should ever have to walk alone with all the hurt and sorrow!

 

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#peaceindeath

I woke this morning refreshed and energized, even excited! My body is tired but my mind renewed and for that, I am very thankful. You see, over the past four days my world has turned upside down so to speak. On Friday, the nursing home where my mother stays had to have her transported to the Emergency Room. There, after testing, they discovered two large blood clots, one on each lung. After consulting with the doctor he told us that she would probably be gone before morning. She’d refused medicine and even the oxygen that was vital for her living.

We all need our momma!

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Wow! What a shock! I’d contacted our son who lives 700 miles away. The doctor told us he didn’t believe our son could get to the hospital in time before my mother passed. Goodness! So my husband and I prepare for the finality of her home-going as best we can. We stayed at the hospital until late in the night when she grew agitated so we left thinking maybe we were causing her to not rest.

The next morning I hadn’t received a call that she’d passed so we were kinda shocked and even more so when we got to the unit where she was only to see her standing at the nurses’ station talking with them. Oh, my goodness! This woman sure is tough!

After a consult with the doctor, who was as shocked as we were of her continuing to live given the conditions of her lungs, we decided the best route to take would be to have Hospice give her comfort care for her last days. So later in the day, they transported her back to the nursing home.

We and the doctor asked her repeatedly if she’d like the medicine that would prolong her life. Her response was, “No, I want to go home!” Well, I’m thinking to the home she grew up in. So I ask her, “Mom, what home?”

She responds, “I wanta go to Heaven to see Jesus and Tommy! (My stepdad.)

As my husband and I have daily visited her we have been very shocked at her mood. She laughs, she jokes and we enjoy being with her. At our last visit, she was tracking well and in a good mood. Some things were mentioned about the past where there’d been some deep heart woundings for both my husband and me. She looked at my husband and said, “I’m so sorry! Will you ever forgive me?” Wow…and yes he has and told her so.

Then the conversation shifted to some rough years I’d had to endure at her manipulating after my husband I were separated long years ago. (We are now remarried. He is my precious soulmate!) She looked at me and said, “And that was my fault and I’m so sorry you were hurt!” Again, wow!!!

And we’ve talked about the books I’m writing. She asked me to remind her of my first one. I told her it was about the child abuse I’d experienced. “And the second”, she asked.

“It’s about the domestic violence I experienced”, I replied.

She paused a few minutes then looked up at me and said, “Your books will help a lot of people!” Wow…just wow!

My point in all of this is never give up! Pray for God’s redemption and restoration. My mother is dying. It could be today or a few months from now but she is indeed dying. I know God has blessed us with a very special gift. I believe I am seeing what my mother woulda been like had she not gone through her own horrific abuse! She made bad choices, we all have; however, she did not gain the healing needed to overcome brokenness from the past.

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We all need freedom and forgiveness!

I encourage you, forgive those who have hurt you! Please don’t waste precious time! None of us are guaranteed of tomorrow. You may not be able to have a healed relationship with them because they may still be too toxic but you can walk in the sweet benefits of forgiving! Forgiveness is for you so you may live your life in victory and freedom and sweet healing!

I would love to hear your story of how you have been able to forgive!

For me….I had to….

1. Ask God to give me the want to, to even begin to forgive!

It wasn’t easy and took lots of practice! I knew Jesus had forgiven me and it was necessary for me to do the same to others who’d hurt me.

2. I had to remember I am not ruled or lead by my emotions but His truth.

There were many days on top of many days when I did not ‘feel’ like forgiving her or anyone who’s abused me. That doesn’t make it so. I had to remember, sometimes even as I was screaming and kicking my way through the mess, that His truth would set me free!

3. I needed to accept I was worth forgiving!

So many times those of us who have been hurt through abuse often feel unworthy. We struggle with whether or not anyone could ever really love us because we feel so dirty. Those are lies from the devil! He wants us to stay in bondage so he can lead us down a very dark, destructive path. He is a lier!!

In accepting I am worth forgiving it is often easier to then forgive others as well as self!

Jesus paid a very high price for my freedom: With His very life!

I am learning that I am indeed worth loving and forgiving myself because my Jesus says so! And so are you!

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Feel free to drop a line to Broken Pieces No More PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502 or you may email to brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com

Dreams Do Come True!

Dreams.

Visions.

Goals.

These are all part of an individual’s life plan. They are part of an essential plan to enable us to navigate through the smooth as well as the rapids of life.

The Word tells us in Habakah 2:2, ‘Write the vision down’!

Personally I like making my to-do list, writing out my goals for it helps me stay on track. I’m the kinda person who can quickly become distracted with this thought or that interest but when I have my list to help keep me on track I’m so much more productive.

So I….

1. Write out my goal

I’ll write out what I believe the final goal may look like. (One can never truly know exactly how it’ll end up cause we aren’t all knowing.)

2. Write out bite size steps to achieve my goal

How do you eat an elephant?

Well certainly not whole!

Writing out manageable steps helps me to reach my goal more successfully!

3. Celebrate when goal is achieved

It’s so important to reward yourself when a goal is reached….even when small goals are met. We all need encouragement!

4. Don’t bite off more than you can chew

This is vitally important! And one I must often remind myself of. Don’t take on more than you know you can do and do well!

#mentalhealthmatters

It’s really early morning…I doubt even the chickens are up yet. Woke up so got up and decided to be productive. For several months now I have been bout as tired when I woke up as when I went to bed. Not good!

I discovered something this week when I went in for a checkup. I more than likely am dealing with sleep apnea. I wake myself up snoring a lot, even wake my precious husband but he is ever so gracious and doesn’t tease me about it! So I’ll be going to a sleep specialist to determine the best method of care. I do not want to have to wear a face mask but I do also want to enjoy a full night’s rest and sleep. I can’t imagine what that would feel like.

How many of us know what we should do but for one reason or the other we opt to not do so?

We wait. And wait. And wait. Hoping things will get better on their own than when it gets serious we decided, well, maybe we should go to the doctor or mechanic or dentist! By then it may end up costing us a small fortune to have the situation fixed or be too late. When if we’d have gone to the doctor or mechanic or dentist in the first place, in the beginning, the problem would be over with and our bank account wouldn’t be depleted.

Why do we wait?

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I dare say the same can be said of our mental health. Sadly, in our society, there is such a negative stigma on mental health that we are seemingly afraid to discuss this very important issue almost as if it’s some sort of catchin’ disease. Hogwash!

It’s like no one wants to acknowledge the elephant in the room. If we had cancer or chronic pain or a broken bone, I’ve no doubt there would be those who would want to help, bring food, encourage us and more. Not so with a mental issue.

Every one of us deals with mental issues because we live in a sin-filled world and there’s just junk that is always going on around us. That’s the way God created us for we are a triune being: spirit, soul and body! Our soul, which is our mind, will and emotions, is where we deal with those issues. And our Heavenly Poppa longs to see us blessed abundantly, John 10:10 in all areas! He desires for us to live happy and stress-free. 3 John 1:2 tells us that God would have us to be in good health even as our soul prospers. For that to happen, we must examine mental health and all it entails!

The elephant in the room needs to be addressed.

I’ve dealt with some form or issue all my life. For most of my life, I’ve felt ashamed because I’ve dealt with a mental issue. How defeating is that? If I had a broken leg I’d be all over making sure I took good care of myself. Why then do we as a society seem to cast others aside when we suspect they have something wrong in the head? How wrong is that?! And how so very sad!

(I used Ky statistics because that’s where I live.) According to the 2018 the annual report at Americas Health Rankings (www.americashealthrankings.org) in Kentucky, poor mental health days are more common in women (4.3 days) compared with men (3.1 days). And younger adults aged 18-44 had (4.2 days) poor mental health days. Yes, I’d say it’s needful to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

I challenge you to begin addressing your own mental health.

What are you doing to improve your mental health?

Here are some suggestions:

1. Begin today doing something fun just for you.

I am learning to sketch. This is for my personal enjoyment.

You can begin today taking a 10 minute stroll around your neighborhood. I love gettin out in the woods by our home.

Form a new hobby…something you enjoy!

2. Learn to be present

That means no more zoning out when things or emotions get tough. Ya gotta feel it before you can heal it! That’s a sucky saying but it packs a wallop of truth too! Learning to be present in pain and good times means more healing and loads of growth! I have discovered journaling helps me to process during these times.

3. Be kind to yourself

Oh goodness..this one has been hard for me. I grew up hearing all the negative garbage bout how I’d never amount to anything…bout how lazy and useless I was…how they wished I’d never of been born…of how I was only born to give men and women sexual pleasure and so much more horrid junk.

Now, though, now I know those were a pack of lies!

I am learning to rock my life! I am learning how to step into the calling God has placed on my life! I am learning to love myself…if I can’t love me then I most assuredly can’t love my neighbor which is a commandment! Mark 12:31 “The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

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Today I encourage you to begin your own mental health renewal! Why? It’s simple! Because you are so worth it.

I’d love to hear what you’re doing for you today! Drop me a line!

You can email me at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or drop a line here!

Together we can make a difference with our mental health!

Have a blessed day!

Not always a Happy Father’s Day for All

Today is Fathers Day and many are celebrating with great memories of kind and loving fathers.
And that is awesome!

However, not all of us have those sweet memories to fall back on nor a healthy relationship with our father.

Sadly there are those of us who have memories of a mean, uncaring father. Experiences of an abusive father who believed it was his job to teach his child about sex. Memories of ugly words being flung at our tender young soul that still haunt and defile us….from our father.

I applaud all those who have sweet memories of their father. Personally I have no clue what a healthy father-daughter relationship would even look like!

I’m so very thankful I’ve finally reached a point of realizing how very much God longs to be my father and even my mother! He’s a good, good father!

I’m so grateful God has been so patient with me as I’m learning more and more to trust Him! He’s a kind and loving Father!

Today I also pray for those fathers who’s adult children have made the choice to not be in their fathers lives. I know how deeply it hurts fathers!

I pray for my father and continue to lift him up to the Father. I pray my father seeks forgiveness before it’s too late!

I have forgiven my dad. It certainly wasn’t easy but very necessary! And honestly there are still those days my emotions rise up causing me to wanta squish him like a wad of paper.
But I let go and trust God for His healing!

This year instead of focusing on what I never had and focusing on the devastating loss, I am choosing to focus on the positive.

There are many men in my life who demonstrate what it is like to be a healthy father including my own husband! I am choosing to see the positive.

I’m also continuing to explore this new relationship with my Abba God as my father! He will never leave me nor forsake me! And He loves me greatly cuz I’m His favorite! lol