You are a beautiful person!
Embrace your uniqueness and soar!
You are a beautiful person!
Embrace your uniqueness and soar!
She struggled upon rising. Her heart was so heavy. Decisions to be made with no clear direction.
Standing there on the craggy mountain top backed up against the hard rock face she had just a wee bit of protection from the fierce wind that whipped about.
It was here she sought internal restoration. It was here she hoped to regain her strength. She had to. She had her assignments to manage and failure wasn’t an option.
Even taking this precious time to have her armor checked for any tears or openings took valuable time from her plan yet she knew it was vitally needed.
She slowed her breathing and allow her self to still as the little ones examined her with a close eye that would catch even the smallest dent of snag that could bring another destruction.
She looked out over the expanse laid before her. Cities, communities, homesteads and the watchers that were encamped high upon the hills all laid out before her. She’d made her way to this vantage point where she could view their comings and goings.
She knew that the evil one had created a trail into the city below where he plied his filth. He’d brought a new substance within the city walls that provided innocent ones a trip like they’d never taken. This had to go she knew!
And there over in the next town she’d begun to hear of children being made to do things only adult should preform. This made her blood boil causing her muscles to tighten and her hand to clutch her sword tighter! The littles working on her armor tapped her gaining her attention to relax so their work would go smoother. When she tensed her muscles it caused the armor to become one with her flesh making repairs much harder.
She knew immediately when they’d finished with her and stood upright. In doing so she felt the onslaught of the bitter wind whipping her long hair in a multitude of directions and biting her pale skin.
With her armor now fully intact amd having gained needed nourishment she stepped over to the edge of the harsh mountain top viewing all that was laid out before her. She was still tired but had enough strength to preform her next task.
She’d been assigned to advance to the home of a little boy whose father visited him in the middle of the night. This father came when others had drifted off into slumberland full of dreams and peace. This father did not visit his son to offer his noble protectiontion but rather to once again pull his son into the dark, moist pit he himself frequented. This father was the worst in many ways.
Annagaf stood there on the edge of the mountain imagining how she would take care of this father this night….and then she jumped over the edge of the mountain into nothingness. Moments later she landed with a slight thud outside the boys bedroom window where she heard muffled cries.
At that exact moment she allowed herself appeared in the little ones room just in time to stop the father from making his final move.
She made her presence known as she reached for the man’s neck. The little boy looked up at her weeping then realizing she was not to hurt him. With wide eyes the boy watched as suddenly the woman lifted his father off the sagging bed and they both disappeared from view.
Annagaf dropped the man on the cold hard ground near the half circle of men and women gathered in the darken chamber. Tonight his fate would be made known.
Annagaf’s right hand itched as she desperately wanted to lift her sword but up on looking at Gazar she knew to hault her desires. She would wait this night to see what the fate of this coward would be.
For now she had to ready herself for her next assignment for there were surely many other children to save!
She was a warrior!
She allowed her fingers to gently skim the surface of the glistening pool slightly distorting her image that briefly reflected back at her. The water, cool and wet, beckoned her to enter into its murky depths enticing her to cast off forever the restrictions that had been placed around her many years ago.
She felt the fire within her being that could enable her to rip off those preconceived restrictions but how? How did she make that happen? That seemed so far outta her reach. She knew they were there, those unseen restrictions places on her by them, those who were supposed to have been her guardians.
But restriction covered her tightly in its unseen garments that had irritated her tender skin and kept her bound since the beginning of her time. Restrictions enacted by them, by the guardians who were to be her protectors had not had her best interest in mind at all.
These restrictions had held tight to her tender, young flesh; pulling, poking and prodding until she thought at times she would surely lose her grip on reality, surely she would lose her mind and end up dead or in an insane asylum.
There were those few times she thought, hoped with everything in her being that she’d finally be free, but sadly she was mistaken, lied to, fooled, tricked all over time and time again! When would she ever taste the sweetness of freedom?
She ached to be released yet she did not realize how very bound up she really was. Oh, to be able to make her own decisions for her own body, her own mind! But no! Someone else was always just a breath away who seemed to hold that ability.
When the earth shook around her in her young years she clinched her body so tightly it quivered; some tried to believe it was with excitement but she felt like a bowl full of red, angry jello.
Even now as an adult she still felt thus in certain settings. Those settings others never knew about nor would have understood. She longed to break out of all her restrictions. She ached to share but she rarely did. She longed to be carefree, to play in the rain, to chase fireflies, to engage with her mystical self but she dared not. She longed to allow the real part of her core person to come forth but she must protect that one with every fiber of her being.
Others were watching and she never knew when they would once again pounce on her forcing their heavy restrictions over her yet again. No, it was better to not let herself long for the sweet taste of freedom and wonder how the sweet, cool water would feel as it gently flowed past her cool skin.
But yet, this could not be, this carrying of the restriction, what was meant for her as the Teacher whom she’d met years ago had assured her if she’d but follow Him then He would show her great mysteries to unfold; He would enable her to rip the scab off of long held secrets that had a cancer like quality that oozed poison into ones body and soul.
No, she had to hold on and put her trust in Him. He had said He would enable her to grow stronger and braver so she would wait and allow this to unfold.
She would not enter into the murky waters depths this day. This day she would stand in the sun there on the bank and allow the heat to burn those areas of resisting from off her being. She would force herself to withstand the burning of refining fire as she grew stronger and her armor became more intact. She would allow herself to be made into a warrior to be useful in leading others to throw off their own restrictions and together they would build up a vital army!
Yes, today she would bask in the fiery heat as she knew she was being moulded onto a stronger core being of herself!
Soon she would emerge as the warrior she’d been destined to be those thousands of years ago!
No, I suppose not everyone would be able to declare today being fabulous. Sad isn’t it?!
Mine’s been ok. Here it’s very cold. I don’t do cold well. I’ve often joked I musta been born in the wrong part of the country cuz I’d do much better in the South! Even so, I am ever so grateful for our warm home to work in as I continue my book writing and doing various household tasks.
However warm weather is soon to arrive and with it gardening, picnics, hiking, and more outdoor stuff. I really like being outside more than inside. That is if its lots warmer.
I hope your Friday has been kind to you and that you’ve felt safe and protected.
Finally I can say without a doubt I now live my life with that warm, fuzzy feeling of safety and protection! That’s mainly because I’m now married to my soulmate and am where I’m supposed to be, where I was supposed to have been many years ago but sadly circumstances changes that path for us! (Another book to be written!) And I’m loved beyond reason which is affording me the opportunity to experience returning that true love. And I’m loving!
When you have experienced childhood sexual abuse its often very hard to ever have that true sense of safety and protection. It is possible! And its hard to allow yourself to accept another’s love for you. It is possible!
One reason this is a fab Friday for me is knowing at the end of the work day my beloved will return and I will once again feel complete.
I firmly believe, for me at least, being married to this incredible man has given me much needed strength to face those demons of my past and see them slayed once and for all! And my beloved has greatly helped! Him and Jesus!
Personally I figure I’ll be battling demons the rest of my life. My perspective now has simply changed. I am ready to fight for others who have suffered childhood sexual abuse!
You see, it took me many years stuffed full of guilt, shame and condemnation from the many years of traumatic abuse I experienced to finally taste that sweet deliverance! It was a long hard fight to gain the sweet healing and freedom I now walk in! And I guard it closely!
If you are a victim of childhood sexual abuse you are not alone! And there is hope…and freedom…and healing and so much more for you to experience!
I’m here to listen to your story!Sometimes a listening ear is so important! Know that someone does care and believes!
I will be your voice until yours grows stronger!
*I have written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers published by Oak Tree Publishing, sharing some of my own experience and how hope set me free!
Let me know if you’d like a copy. They are $18.05 plus shipping.
Wouldn’t it be great, if you haven’t yet already reached this point, of knowing within your being you get to say when and you get to say where!?
How exciting that you do have a choice! Just because someone suggests you do this or that doesn’t mean you need to follow their advice. Pull from your inner peace which direction you should travel in. Not everyone will understand your desire to walk a different path and that’s perfectly okay!
It took me years to realize that once I had grabbed hold of that peace, that inner compass, it would indeed direct me to where I needed to go. Some days it’s a quiet feeling whereas other days it seems to be screaming within me to go this way!
The point being is that no one has the right to tell you what to do, unless you’re a kid then you should have, hopefully, loving parents to guide you. No I’m talking about when you’re an adult and others seem to think that for whatever reason they have been given a right to dictate to you what you should do. Nope! Not gonna happen!
You are a beautiful person very capable of making your choices. My hope for you is that you will find that path that is solely yours where you walk and sense His inner peace knowing you are so important to Him and that He cares for every area of your life.
My hope for you is that you learn to stand before that mirror and smile knowing that the individual looking back at you is strong and resilient.
My hope for you is that as time marches forward you will be able to accept who you are scars and all!
My hope for you is that you will soon be able to say, ‘Thanks but no thanks! Today I walk my own path!”
There is a powerful person on the inside of you just waiting to rise up!
When we learn to no longer allow others to ‘dumb us down’ we will begin to step onto that path only intended for us to travel.
Today can very well be that first day of you daring to step onto your own path, scary though it may be; you really are worth the effort!
I’d love to hear from you!
Many years ago I often dreamed of being far, far away on some exciting adventure! I’d write my dreams into short stories for my eyes only. Now, I am experiencing my dream of writing coming true for all to read!
Don’t allow anyone to steal your dream!
Oak Tree Publishing, a new company, did a great job publishing my book, the first in a three part series. And I am now seeing my dream come true of reading what I’ve written in book form. How incredible it is to hold this book knowing I wrote those words!
If you know someone who works in the mental health field, is a physician, children’s pastor, teacher then this book could become a great asset! The Secret series is written in fictional form to highlight how one young worked hard to overcome the monsters that weren’t just under her bed but in her bed. You can follow Kenzy throughout her life as she discovers that there really is hope to be had when she begins making healthier choices as she makes the effort to deal with her painful past gaining fresh perspective and insight.
If you have any questions let me know or if you’d like to order a book, hit me up with that too.
Don’t forget to dream!
How old are you?
No, you need not answer. Just a point to show that your never too old to follow your dream.
Personally I believe there are many who sit on the side lines wanting so desperately to ignite that passion that burns just under the surface of their life waiting to burst into a roaring, all consuming blaze!
Don’t let others steal your dream!
I remember when I was in high school wanting to become a lawyer, that is until this guy, whom I didn’t even know that well told me I’d never make a good lawyer! He told me, “You don’t have a backbone to be a lawyer!” And I allowed that boy to steal my dream!
Now….now I am watching one of my dreams come true: I am am author! I began writing stories when I was nine years old. I have published my first book with two others almost ready to publish. Don’t give up!
If you’d like to purchase please let me know!
And another dream my husband and I are seeing come to life is our publishing company, Oak Tree Publishing. We are so excited to be able to provide others the opportunity to have their dream come to realized!
Dream your dream!
I sit and study on the past, rehearsing the many ways his words cut bleeding, tiny ribbons on the flesh of my soul forgetting that I am living in the here and now. Prepare! I must prepare for any condition, situation …always be prepared! It’s not just a motto! But soon the day dawns when I realize my soul is so very tired and weary. Weary of the past decisions and arrows that pierced me so deeply with his precision trajectory! Today though, I can study on the Word and refocus instead of the small rear view mirror directing me to my past but rather towards the massive expanse of the windshield in front of me. Oh my! So much wide open space in which I can now study all that is laid out before me! And now, oh goodness, I see the glistening of a million diamond points laid out over the freshly fallen snow as the never failing sun beams down its goodness and mercy. I can see the tall stately pines just past my drive as if they are standing like silent ones guarding my safe place. Then I study the quietness I begin to hear inside and I am pleased. Having changed my perspective I am now able to study that which is before me instead of that which has already gone before me and most having already died.
It’s a new day…a new week.
Today you determine whether or not you soar or roost!
I’m looking forward to hearing your story!
You are not alone!
Have a great day!
Amazingly today is day 7 of this brand new year! How cool is that!
And what have you done with your new year thus far?
Me? Ah, I’ve been writing on book 2 in my Secret series, Secrets Exposed, which I have planned to release through my new publisher, Oak Tree Publishing, in May of this year.
My first in the Secret series, Secrets in the Hollers, was released Oct 2017.
It is vitally important for me that secrets be exposed!
We are seeing a movement where many are saying, “Enough!” Even using #metoo !
In book 1, I expose secrets of horrific child abuse set back in the hollers of a little Kentucky town: rejection, words that cut all the way down into the marrow of my bones, switchings that broke the skin bringing blood droplets to drip down my skinny legs, beatings with a leather belt falling harshly on the cool skin of my exposed backside;
…… pokings and proddings of adult hands, fingers, penises, and other objects into my little girl openings that should never have been invaded;
….. being used as a sex slave to bring money in to meet those monthly bills;
….. attending ceremonies that no child should ever have to witness;
….. being locked in a cold, dark celler for hours where there’s spiders and mice and maybe snakes and they’ll eat you alive…..or that’s what you’ve been told! And while you sit there in the dark you can hear the scurrying of critters yet you aren’t sure if they will indeed eat you alive for after all, you’re only a child of four or six or eight years old so you believe what you’re told! And when they finally let you out you’re compliant and docile because you’ve gone away in your mind for protection.
….. dysfunction….people pleasing….lies….red hot pain……manipulation…and so much more!
I also share HOPE for any who has experienced even one form of abuse as there isn’t a spittin’ contest with abuse. Abuse is abuse is abuse! I share how one is truly able to find that freedom, that healing, that abundant life after abuse is very possible! But it takes hard work and prayer and lots of tears and standing firm to face those horrible monsters and it takes a determination to live and not die!
And why do I do this?
I Am a Voice for the Voiceless!
I will be the sound that helps to break your silence if need be! I am no longer afraid to tell my story, your story, a story many of us can relate to! And it’s a story that needs to be told NOW and no longer tolerated!
I want to share my strength with you, with any who are lacking that bit of determination to stand and face his or her own monsters! You are not alone! And you are so worth the effort to fight for! You are a beautiful individual full of incredible gifts and talents that can help change your world!
I’ll be at Serendipity at the Orange Door, downtown Somerset this Tue, Jan 9th from 1~3 pm if you’d like to stop by to chat, share your story or purchase a book. I’d love to see you!
I would love to hear your story!
I see lotsa posts bout motivation for the new year, setting goals, writing down resolutions, hoping to be better and improved than last year and such which is normal this time of year. And while all that is truly a good thing…though I rarely ever did reach mine probably cuz they were too high… I can’t help but wonder if we’re not setting self up for failure.
Now I do like setting goals. My husband and I recently did this very thing for our new businesses we’re launching. Succeed or fail, we’ll never know if we don’t launch out into the deep and give it a go! Establishing measureable goals helps to keep us on track.
There’s plenty of areas in my life I need improvement but I’ve discovered if I spend a lot of time focusing on those areas of lack, failure, disappointment, etc I’ll end up grumpy and depressed. Well I don’t need that! Believe me!! And you don’t either. That’s why I say that we may be setting self up for more failure.
How bout writing down your accomplishments?!?
What positive things have you done in 2017?
What can you celebrate for this passing year?
Now isn’t that loads more fun to think on than the humdrum and negative??
So for me…..I published my first book with book 2 scheduled for spring 2018. I also started a new business with my incredible husband and plan to start a second one this year! I have experienced a tremendous healing…no back pain for 65 days today! That means no pain meds! This year I’ve learned Whose I am, not the lies others have tried to say I am. Those are just a few for my 2017!
I’m 2018 I pray you learn to love yourself more than ever before; that you develop days for self care because you’re worth the effort; that this new year you are able more than ever to forgive you as well as forgiving any who have hurt you….forgiving is a power tool for you to enable you to gain your freedom and healing.. and I pray this is the year you gain more peace of mind than ever before.
Remember, you are not responsible for others, only for how you respond! Chose love for them and use healthy boundaries! No one is allowed to come in and smash up your garden (heart)!!
You are a beautiful child of God and He loves you so much!
I’m learning to look in the mirror and proclaim ‘Right thar is a mighty amazing woman’! Why?? Cause Jesus lives in me!!
Rock on and make it an awesome year!