(Possible trigger warning)
The blooming apple tree, for me, signifies spring is indeed springing though this year there seems to be some confusion on this season if its coming or going. Its been warm then it gets really cold and even attempts to snow but that makes the seasons interesting in Kentucky! It’s never boring!
Just outside my office window this apple tree has beautiful blooms beginning with the buds then the opening plus there is a sweet, deep fragrence! Until just a few days ago I didn’t realize how lovely an apple tree smells.
For me for many long years I hated the apple tree! I dreaded to see the tree burst forth in bloom every spring with out fail. Yes, I know hate is a strong word but that’s how I felt.
That is until this year!
This year I decided to gain some control over those hateful feelings by confronting my memories associated with blooming apple trees!
You see, one of the first memories of my child abuse that returned was of me as a very young girl, laying naked on a clear sheet of plastic down in the backyard under a blooming apple tree. I remember disassociating thinking I was sitting up in that tree watching what was being done to that little girl by her uncle and grandmother thinking how horribly bad that was.
I so wanted to rescue that little girl!
I so wanted to protect her but I wasn’t able to!
I was that little girl!
April is National Child Abuse Awareness month and it’s the month apple trees are normally in bloom. Ironic.
So this week I walked out to the apple tree right outside my office window and had a good talk. I apologized to that little girl of long ago telling her how sorry I was she was ever hurt! I reminded her of her worth and value and that she was oh, so loved! And that she’s gonna do great things by telling her story to others so that they too can find their healing path!
And I spent time once again asking God to help me forgive those who had violated my being, my mind and my little girls body!
And to forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness against my abusers for so long, for not letting go of the pain and resentment sooner.
I chose on purpose to forgive them and move forward. There is way more peace in the forgiveness that in staying in the memories of the past.
Besides I’ve got way too much good to do! I’ve got more books to write! Words to share with others offering hope and help as they take necessary steps to overcome their painful past.
No one ever deserves to be abused! Ever!!
The trauma effects of child abuse afterward can be life altering but they do not necessarily have to steal your life!
You can grow and heal from child abuse!
If you need someone to be your voice until you gain yours I’d be honored to do so!
I’d love to hear your story!
You can reach out to me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
I’ve written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, as a work of fiction based on a true story, mine!
Together we will become a force to be reckoned with!
Together we can help move many mountains!
May you have a sweet, peaceful day!