I woke this morning refreshed and energized, even excited! My body is tired but my mind renewed and for that, I am very thankful. You see, over the past four days my world has turned upside down so to speak. On Friday, the nursing home where my mother stays had to have her transported to the Emergency Room. There, after testing, they discovered two large blood clots, one on each lung. After consulting with the doctor he told us that she would probably be gone before morning. She’d refused medicine and even the oxygen that was vital for her living.
We all need our momma!
Wow! What a shock! I’d contacted our son who lives 700 miles away. The doctor told us he didn’t believe our son could get to the hospital in time before my mother passed. Goodness! So my husband and I prepare for the finality of her home-going as best we can. We stayed at the hospital until late in the night when she grew agitated so we left thinking maybe we were causing her to not rest.
The next morning I hadn’t received a call that she’d passed so we were kinda shocked and even more so when we got to the unit where she was only to see her standing at the nurses’ station talking with them. Oh, my goodness! This woman sure is tough!
After a consult with the doctor, who was as shocked as we were of her continuing to live given the conditions of her lungs, we decided the best route to take would be to have Hospice give her comfort care for her last days. So later in the day, they transported her back to the nursing home.
We and the doctor asked her repeatedly if she’d like the medicine that would prolong her life. Her response was, “No, I want to go home!” Well, I’m thinking to the home she grew up in. So I ask her, “Mom, what home?”
She responds, “I wanta go to Heaven to see Jesus and Tommy! (My stepdad.)
As my husband and I have daily visited her we have been very shocked at her mood. She laughs, she jokes and we enjoy being with her. At our last visit, she was tracking well and in a good mood. Some things were mentioned about the past where there’d been some deep heart woundings for both my husband and me. She looked at my husband and said, “I’m so sorry! Will you ever forgive me?” Wow…and yes he has and told her so.
Then the conversation shifted to some rough years I’d had to endure at her manipulating after my husband I were separated long years ago. (We are now remarried. He is my precious soulmate!) She looked at me and said, “And that was my fault and I’m so sorry you were hurt!” Again, wow!!!
And we’ve talked about the books I’m writing. She asked me to remind her of my first one. I told her it was about the child abuse I’d experienced. “And the second”, she asked.
“It’s about the domestic violence I experienced”, I replied.
She paused a few minutes then looked up at me and said, “Your books will help a lot of people!” Wow…just wow!
My point in all of this is never give up! Pray for God’s redemption and restoration. My mother is dying. It could be today or a few months from now but she is indeed dying. I know God has blessed us with a very special gift. I believe I am seeing what my mother woulda been like had she not gone through her own horrific abuse! She made bad choices, we all have; however, she did not gain the healing needed to overcome brokenness from the past.
We all need freedom and forgiveness!
I encourage you, forgive those who have hurt you! Please don’t waste precious time! None of us are guaranteed of tomorrow. You may not be able to have a healed relationship with them because they may still be too toxic but you can walk in the sweet benefits of forgiving! Forgiveness is for you so you may live your life in victory and freedom and sweet healing!
I would love to hear your story of how you have been able to forgive!
For me….I had to….
1. Ask God to give me the want to, to even begin to forgive!
It wasn’t easy and took lots of practice! I knew Jesus had forgiven me and it was necessary for me to do the same to others who’d hurt me.
2. I had to remember I am not ruled or lead by my emotions but His truth.
There were many days on top of many days when I did not ‘feel’ like forgiving her or anyone who’s abused me. That doesn’t make it so. I had to remember, sometimes even as I was screaming and kicking my way through the mess, that His truth would set me free!
3. I needed to accept I was worth forgiving!
So many times those of us who have been hurt through abuse often feel unworthy. We struggle with whether or not anyone could ever really love us because we feel so dirty. Those are lies from the devil! He wants us to stay in bondage so he can lead us down a very dark, destructive path. He is a lier!!
In accepting I am worth forgiving it is often easier to then forgive others as well as self!
Jesus paid a very high price for my freedom: With His very life!
I am learning that I am indeed worth loving and forgiving myself because my Jesus says so! And so are you!
Feel free to drop a line to Broken Pieces No More PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502 or you may email to firstname.lastname@example.org