I don’t wanta surrender!

For most of my life I have hated the thought of surrender! Even hated the word!!

What?

Nu-huh….I don’t think so!

No way would I ever surrender to anyone! Just not gonna happen!

Why?

Because after years of abuse from near birth to recent adulthood, I refused to surrender!
In my childhood I suffered horrific abuse: emotional/psychological, physical and sexual! Abuse I’d not wish on anyone! Abuse no one should ever have to experience!

I write about this abuse in my book, House Full of Secrets: Human Trafficking and Redemption. All of my books are available on Amazon.

Why?

Because I was so very afraid!

Afraid of what?

Afraid of being abused even more!

I felt if I surrendered then I would be hurt cuz after all, if I surrendered then doesn’t that mean I give my power over to you?! And if I give you my power, then that’s giving you the opportunity to hurt me! NO! I don’t want to do that!

Or that’s how I’ve felt for all my life.

Well, that is up until several years ago. During that time, I’ve felt a drawing to a more, even deeper knowledge of this word: Surrender!

This drawing has actually surprised me in that it’s been a sweet drawing….gentle, curious, inquisitive, even a growing hunger to know more. And ta-da….here I am today, sharing this word on surrender!

I never thought I’d entertain the notion of surrender. It was to me, like a bitter medicine I was being forced to swallow! I did NOT want to swallow that!

I’m not gonna do it and you can’t make me!

But surrender is NOT bitter! Nor should it be fearful!

Not long ago, beloved (my husband) and I were pulling into the church parking lot. It hit me hard when I sensed these words, ‘What if surrender for you looks like rest?

Rest??

Oh, sweet rest!!

Beloved rest!!

I don’t think I’ve had much rest at all in my entire life!

I’ve done research on how long-lasting trauma from child abuse will affect our body, our brain even, for many years. I had, and am having, to make a decision to retrain my brain. It’s not easy and requires determination and obedience.

It’s much like watching cows going down the pasture to the watering hole. No matter where they are, they’ll make a straight path to the water. What I’m learning to do is reroute my cow path in my brain to go around those boulders that have been a huge stumbling block to me all my life! Even if I have to go through them, go I must! I refuse to keep living as I have which is not really living but merely surviving. I want more! I must have more!

I’m sick and tired, literally, of living life such as this for this is NOT living but merely existing!

Oh, my friend, we have a choice!

We can choose to remain in the muck and mire of our hurts and our past; or we can overcome!

We can rise up outta the junk and become all that God calls us to be!

What does God say about me….

Isaiah 41:10 ESV

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

In order to be able to rise above the muck and mire, in order to be able to defeat the devil and all his cohorts, we must know what the Word of God says! He’s always with us but if we don’t read His word and hide it deep in our heart, we’ll not have that energy to draw from! We need to apply that word to our heart so we can pull it up ever single time the enemy tried to step on us…and he will cuz that’s his job!

You see, I personally believe we give the devil way too much credit! Our own personal thoughts play a key role in every decision we make. Just because we think it does not mean we need to act on it! Remember, every decision you make, I make, we will have to eat those consequences and sometimes they taste horrible!!

Oh, but my friend, when we chose to surrender….gracious, life will surely change!! Change for the better. However, we must allow the power of the Holy Spirit to make those changes. Yes, I know….there can be much reluctance. That’s okay…it’s solely your choice! God will not you into anything! No! He longs for you to choose to hang out with Him in every minute of every day of your life. That too is totally your choice!

For me….I choose surrender!

The world, which is controlled by the evil one, tries to convince us we’re not good enough! We’re too dumb or stupid! We’re not gonna amount to anything! We’re lower than whale poop! But those words and others are pure and outright lies! After all the devil is the father of all lies and the truth is not in him. It’s in the Word!

I lived that most of my life…believing those lies of the devil! And in doing so, I’ve struggled all my life because of feeling unworthy, unloved and like I just needed to die…kill myself!

The devil spoke them to me through those close to me…parents, spouse, friends….all lies!

The enemy will use anyone who opens the door to him. Remember, we’re not fighting people: We’re fighting the devil!

So, I choose surrender!

I’m choosing on purpose to believe what God’s word says about me….and I’m stinkin’ awesome!!

And so are you!

How do you choose to surrender?

Have you given that much thought?

What does that look like for you, in your life?

What does it smell like?

What does it feel like?

Next time I’ll share what my surrender is looking like.

I’d love to hear from you!

You can post here or email me at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com.
I also have a YouTube channel at Pamela Richards-Woodall. Stop by and let me know what ya think. Will be uploading more soon.

I pray blessings over you specifically peace! In this world we find ourselves, we need peace desperately as the enemy has unleashed a whole boat load of fear and anxiety!

Talk soon!!

By pamelarichardswoodall

Wife to my amazing soulmate, author, visionary, business owner, enjoying life adventures, a survivor of many forms of abuse.

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