#mentalhealth and Christmas and Forgiving

December 25, 2019 ~ pamelarichardswoodall ~ Leave a comment

Merry Christmas to you!

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I had wondered if we’d have a white Christmas but where we live…nope! Way too warm and that’s nice too!

I have done very little for Christmas this year. It’s simply been way too hard, too stressful to do otherwise. Oh, I tried to decorate. Had big plans for doing so. Even had my wonderful husband to bring my numerous totes of decorations to the house from storage and I even pulled some things out. I do have a few snowmen sitting about the house but that’s it.

I’m not playing scrooge or anything negative. I simply do not have the emotional energy to get caught up in all the hype of the holiday. I find myself struggling…a lot…this year with the expectations of my getting into the spirit of the holiday when I just don’t have it inside.

I refuse to get in to the whole gift giving until credit cards are maxed out! That’s crazy!

Oh, don’t get me wrong! I do celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior for without Him I know I would not be here. I’d be dead or in an insane asylum somewhere. No, I know I’m ridiculously blessed and I’m oh, so grateful for the birth of Jesus!

This year has been way more simple for me!

Not too long ago my mother passed. Six months ago if someone had told me I’d be reacting this way I’d of said they were nuts! My mother and I didn’t have a healthy relationship at all in any area! She was one of my main abusers. But God!

You see, when she’d been placed in a nursing home and Hospice took over her care, she had days where her mind was clear and we’d have time to talk and laugh and make things right. I was able to hear the sweet words from her of ‘I’m sorry’! What a joy! And I hold fast to that!

I’m grateful for learning how to forgive her and all those who hurt me! Forgiving is freedom from being a victim and stepping into being an overcomer!

I’m realizing not only am I mourning her passing; I’m also mourning what I now know I’ll never have! I’ll never have a healthy mother daughter relationship. I must allow that dream to die.

But God! He gave me a sweet gift of those few days with my mother, before she passed, of who I believe was her core being before the demons of her own abuse took over her soul. I am now able to see her through a different lens, through a different set of glasses which enables me to extend grace and mercy to her.

With my mother’s passing I’m finding myself adjusting my sails a bit differently on this sea of life. I’m evaluating and reevaluating my current relationships. I’m seeing more clearly some areas of my life that I now know I must let go of: Those familiar belief systems that were put in place when I was raised in a very dysfunctional, abusive home. Those familiar thoughts that still plague my mind; that feel like falling back into a mound of warm, cushy pillows seemingly all safe and sound. But that is a false belief!

And it’s scary to address those lies from my past, to confront their limited mortality! And it’s my choice as to whether or not I wanta address them, to send them packing and scurrying into the night. It’s my choice if I wanta live in freedom or continue to live in the small sphere of life around me when in fact, when I do choose to let those lies go, when I do choose to expose the lies to the truth, then I will gain a larger sphere. I will gain truth! And the truth will set me free!

I know it’s a process. I know it takes time, lots of hard work and reflection as well as letting go!

So this Christmas I began a new tradition by making an honorary donation in my mother’s name to Broken Pieces No More, Inc for the work they do to help raise awareness of various forms of abuse, addiction as well as providing healthy healing options.

I’m also learning more to be kind to me and not expect so much!

Healing happens! Yet healing is messy!

If there were such a thing as a perfect Christmas it would one where all four of our children and their children along with the rest of our family were together to celebrate our savior’s birth. Until then I continue to pray for healing and His love to transform us all.

I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and happy holidays.

Feel free to contact BPNM at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502.

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Domestic Violence and winter months

November 18, 2019 ~ pamelarichardswoodall ~ Leave a comment

As we enter into the winter and holiday season it is reasonable we’ll also begin to see the rise of more abuse cases become a reality. There are numerous reasons for this. Some may be due to the fact more people are cooped up inside during colder months. We also see some families struggling with Christmas whether it’s getting the whole family together with high unmet expectations or the lack of funds to provide those gifts everyone wants. Also, there are those jobs that fall off during the colder months. And as is often the case, there can be more get-togethers around the Christmas season where booze can be free-flowing which contributes to an increase in violent tendencies.

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As said well by a woman in a private message: I was a young mother with small children to raise. My husband was an alcoholic and often used his drinking to control and manipulate the family. If he started drinking then everyone walked on eggshells knowing that they had to watch their actions and what they said or he would go off! We were poor though I tried as hard as I could to make great memories for our two children. Winter was always so very hard for us. He’d hold up watching tv and drinking and I’d be so afraid of him exploding. When we had Christmas it was usually so scary for I did not know if any little thing would set him off and we’d end up being punished. Warmer weather meant he was out of the house more and I could breathe easier!

I too have experienced domestic violence and can relate to what she had to say. I remember those days when I was afraid to say the wrong thing or there would be an explosion. It is very hard to live in the lifestyle of abuse for it is cyclical. You go around trying to be ever so careful to not say or do the wrong thing then ….BAM! That evil person is back and your fear level just increased exponentially! Stress is your constant companion. Your guts are all twisted up and you hurt all over!

So now, not only do you have to protect your children and yourself, you gotta make sure every item in the house is in its proper place, every can is turned just so, every towel is even, every speck of dust is gone and more or else! You also have to put your mask on and pretend all is well. And when he drags you off to your bedroom you try real hard to go to that safe place in your mind before he begins to rape you once again so hopefully, you won’t feel so much of the pain! As a parent, you try to absorb as much of the pain as possible to protect the children and you make yourself pretend to enjoy what’s happening to your body in your own home just to be able to survive another day!

And no matter what….you don’t resist, you don’t laugh inappropriately, you don’t bargain. You are compliant! You are a ‘good girl’! You are a pleasing wife! Or else! And you really don’t wanta find what the ‘or else’ could be, now do you?

Then the sweet phase of the cycle returns and all is calm for a bit but only on the surface. Because you know from experience that sooner rather than later the monster will awaken and you will once again be on guard for whatever is dealt to you.

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Abuse sucks! No one deserves to be abused! NO One!! Yet, it happens daily, in our country, in our state, in our county, in our city and very possibly, in our own home!

It’s very hard to reach out for help but I encourage you to do so! You do not have to suffer alone. Neither should your children!

I pushed through it instead of leaving. Mainly I believe because I didn’t exactly know how to go about doing so. And also because I was scared to leave for I’d been told if I did, “I’ll hunt you down. I’ll make sure the kids are safe then I’ll kill you very slowly!” How does one plan to leave an abusive relationship? Is there a ‘Leave Your Abusive Relationship for Dummies’ book? I don’t think so!

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How are you coping with an abusive relationship? Have you reached a point where you’re ready to consider leaving? Do you know what to do to prepare?

We are here to help guide you to those who are equipped to escape. You deserve better!

We are here to listen!

We at Broken Pieces No More Inc would love to hear from you. You can find us on social media…Instagram, Twitter or facebook or you can drop a message at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or send a letter to PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502

Cold Winter Memories: #mentalhealthmatters

November 12, 2019 ~ pamelarichardswoodall ~ Leave a comment

It snowed here last night. Oh, not much! Just a skiff or as a reporter for our local paper has been known to say, “Just a rabbit tracker!” Well, maybe so but I aint gettin’ out there trackin anything!

Baby, it’s cold outside!

For some reason seeing the snow and listening to the wind blowing has stirred up memories of my grandmother. During those cold months, she and my mother would get up while I was still sleeping. Most usually mom would put on her winter clothes and boots to head outside in the bitter cold to care for our goats and chickens.

She had to carry buckets of freshly drawn water up from the ole hand dug well down to the goat house and then chicken house which were pretty far apart. And they all had to be fed. Plus the dogs and cats needed cared for!

While she was doing that I’d hear grandma shaking the ashes down in the old Warm Morning stove that sat in the middle of the living room floor. She’d get the fire a goin making the house warmer.

I can remember waking up while one of them was a cookin’ breakfast listening to the sounds of old country music being played on the orange radio that sat on top of the refrigerator. Porter Wagner, Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, Charlie Pride, Ferlin Huskey and many more greats now gone on.

I’d eventually crawl out from under the heavy hand made quilts and quickly get dressed for school. Course if it were a snow day I could get up whenever I woke up.

I don’t have a lot of good childhood memories but this morning has stirred up a lot of good ones for some reason!

Makes me wanta get my sewing

machine out and make some Christmas gifts or do some baking or scrapbooking.

Does the cold, snowy weather bring up good memories for you?

What are some favorite things you enjoy doing on a cold snowy day?

No matter what you maybe doing I do pray your day is a good one!

#domesticviolenceawareness n mental health

October 26, 2019 ~ pamelarichardswoodall ~ 1 Comment

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Have you ever sat out in the woods? I try to as often as I can for it brings my soul great relief and peace. I’ve had the wonderful opportunity of sitting there, pondering this or that, when suddenly I hear the plonk-plonk-plink-thud as an acorn has let go and falls to the waiting ground hitting first one branch then another. Or you hear a sound thinking it’s rain and turn to look behind you and your senses are flooded with the visual of a shower of falling leaves of various colors. What a sight to behold!

We all need some time to get away and recharge, renew; to examine those things that are stored up in our soul. But it seems to me in this day and age in which we live folks are so busy, yes even right here in our own little community. When I sit and people watch I am amazed at how fast everyone seems to be rushing from point A to point B. I can’t help but wonder when, if ever, do they make time to slow down and unwind, recharge, renew?

When you are repeatedly beaten, raped, abused at will by a narcissist, whether as a child or an adult it will mess with your head….massively! Fear, anxiety, depression and more will try to haunt your everyday walk! That’s why it’s so important to find a good counselor and determine to do the work in order to heal.

When you have suffered any form of trauma it rewires your brain. It takes time, healthy counseling (and no, I do not believe all counseling is healthy), for me lots and lots of prayer and hard work to overcome that trauma twisted brain. Those of us who have been affected by various forms of abuse must realize that this is our reality. However, we do not have to remain in this state of mind! We can gain necessary healing by getting to the root of the problem then dealing with it by doing the work to heal.

We must start working towards that as stated in Matthew 15:13, any thing planted within us that is not of God must be yanked up to wither and die!

God did not plant that trauma/abuse in any of us so; we therefore, must allow Him to do His mighty work within us to help us pull those roots out! Expose the lies! Reveal the secrets! Declaw the monsters!

An example from Lisa (not her real name): He called me horrible names and raped me for years until one day I looked in the bathroom mirror, believing his lies, and decided there was no point in my living any longer. My kids would be better off in a foster home. As the tub was filling with hot water, I went and took ever pill I could find. Didn’t matter to me what it was. Then I found the sharpest knife I had and stripped my clothes off and climbed into the hot water. I guess the hot water and pills knocked me out pretty quick so I didn’t get the chance to slit my wrists. My sister found me and called 911. With her help I escaped and moved into a shelter. Now I know better. Now I know I am worthy! Now I am helping others find their worth!

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It takes time to rewire your brain from years of trauma. You can do it! Don’t give up! And don’t give in! You are so very worth the effort!

On Nov 8^th Broken Pieces No More Inc will have a Family Fundraiser Chili Supper & Silent Auction at Rocky Hollow Athletic Club from 5:00-8:30. National Impressionist/Singer Kevin Adams will provide us with some incredible entertainment. Our board members will be on hand to share more about the vision and purpose of BPNM. There will be unique items to bid on while doing some early Christmas shopping. And great tasting food to enjoy!

You may contact us at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or follow us on face book for updates at Broken Pieces No More Inc. You can also catch us on the twitter at BPNM Inc. You can also drop us a line at PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502.

We’d so love to have you on our team. Together we can ‘Spark the Change’!

#mentalhealthmatters & domestic violence

October 22, 2019 ~ pamelarichardswoodall ~ Leave a comment

My husband and I along with a few friends have formed a nonprofit, Broken Pieces No More, Inc. This faith-based ministry was formed to help raise awareness of various forms of abuse and to provide healthy solutions for healing. When we were planning our 2nd child abuse awareness event back in April 2019 and I found a report stating Kentucky ranks #1 in our nation for substantiated child abuse cases I knew then I had to do something!

Growing up I experienced pretty much every form of abuse you can imagine, although I was never burnt with anything and for that I praise God! I was locked in a cold, dark celler for hours at a time! I was tied to my own bed, (why my bed I have not yet figured out!), where men and women took their pleasure from my little girl’s body. I was whipped with switches till blood ran down my legs or beaten with a belt however never leaving harsh marks because my perpetrator knew where to hit me!

I was pimped out by my mother and grandmother to men in the community for money to ‘help pay the light bill’. I was dedicated to satan at age 3; I was supposed to have been sacrificed at age 30. But God!

I used to believe the only reason I was born was to give men and women sexual pleasure! I believed a lie!

My mother, grandmother and an uncle were my three main abusers!

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On Oct. 17th we had our first annual domestic violence awareness event. Again eye-opening when I discovered in my research that Kentucky is ranked #9 in the nation for deaths among women in domestic violence!

We at Broken Pieces No More Inc want to thank Rocky Hollow Athletic Club so much for believing in what we are doing and helping with our event. They provided a warm and safe place for us to hold our 1^st annual domestic violence awareness event. Thank you County Executive Judge Kelley for your heartfelt words of encouragement to all of us that it takes the love of Jesus to make a change!

A big thank you to National Impressionist/Singer Kevin Adams who entertained us with his special talent! When Elvis entered the building it was amazing! A special thank you to all the vendors, both craft and informational, who came out to stand with us in helping to make a difference. The various speakers in our program, the survivors who were brave enough to stand up and share their truth we thank you! Thank you to Somerset Community Mission for believing in our ministry and serving with us! To all who joined us…thank you so much! Together we can make a difference!

This still being October, which is National Domestic Violence Awareness month, it’s important we continue to get the word out that no one deserves to be abused! And please don’t forget, men are abused as well. There’s no excuse for that! We must all begin to ‘Spark the Change’ in our homes, our communities, our counties if we want to see lasting change spread across this great state! One person, man or woman, boy or girl, is one too many being abused!

I know from my own experience with d.v. that so many turned the other way. Maybe they didn’t believe me. Maybe they just couldn’t handle the truth. Maybe they too were experiencing their own form of d.v. There are many forms! I was never hit which still amazes me but I believe that was a God thing for I fear I might have shot someone!

I was, however, raped repeatedly! Money was a major issue often used as a bribe for me to perform better, do better or was simply withheld from me because ‘you don’t deserve anything’. Stalking was a major problem for me in d.v as my former husband had me followed, checked my odometer and often told me, “you don’t need to go anywhere cuz you’re just putting more wear and tear on the car”. The unspoken demand that everything be in its place and if not, there would be severe consequences! I gained personal insight into narcissism too. Years of wondering if ‘today would be the day’! Living with fear until it began to eat my insides up with constant worrying and concern and trying to gain enough courage to kill myself! I’m so thankful I did not do that! No, I wouldn’t wish any form of abuse on anyone!

There are many wonderful organizations in our area and beyond who work tirelessly to make a difference in the lives of those they work with and I applaud them. Even so, I believe that we can do more because the numbers beg to differ in that we have a problem of widespread abuse in our area. We can work together to help ‘Spark the Change’ in how we view our neighbors, our fellow citizens no matter what!

In all this I have learned to say ‘But God!’ Not just as a flippant statement but without Him I would not be who I am today! I am so very grateful He has helped me learn how to forgive those who abused my body, my soul! I am letting go and learning how to live a life of freedom and great peace! #dramanomore

BPNM will be having our first women’s group meeting on Tue, Nov 5^th at 7:00-8:30 at Somerset Community Mission next to Big Lots. This group is open to all women who are searching for her own path, her purpose and to discover her passion. We hope you will come on out and join us! We believe there will be something for every woman! You can also look up our women’s group on facebook at Women Warriors Rising Up. Join us no matter where you live! We’re here to support one another!

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BPNM will be hosting our first fundraiser at Rocky Hollow Athletic Club, Somerset, Ky on Friday, Nov 8^th from 5:00-8:30. We’ll be having a chili supper and silent auction. We are raising start-up funds to enable us to be more active both here and across our great state! ‘Come go with us as we take it to the streets’ and help ‘Spark the Change’! Please consider donating to our auction!

You may contact us at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or follow us on face book at Broken Pieces No More Inc. Or you may drop a line or a donation to BPNM PO Box 1373, Somerset, Ky 42502.

We’d so love to have you on our team.

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#mentalhealth and my mother’s death

October 4, 2019 ~ pamelarichardswoodall ~ Leave a comment

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In June we placed my mom under Hospice care. She’d developed two large blood clots, one in each lung. There was medicine she could have taken to help reduce those and extend her life but after talking with her, she was adamant that she did not want medicine. Her words, “I’m ready to go see Jesus and Tommy!” He was her husband who’d passed years ago. So I told them to leave her be!

When you’re the POA (Power of Attorney) for someone it’s a huge responsibility. Even though I’d rather have her around for years to come, I had to consider her wishes and quality of life. Not only was mom dealing with the effects of these blood clots but she also had dementia. She had good days and bad days.

However, in the beginning, when my husband and I would go visit her she had some really good ones. Days I will forever cherish! Visits I will be forever thankful for!

On one of those good days, she apologized to me for every bad thing that had ever happened in my life. She also apologized to my beloved for when she’d worked with an attorney to split us up in 1980. She often looked me with such love in her eyes and told me, “You sure are beautiful!” Words I’d never heard growing up.

We also talked about the books I’m writing. She’d read the first one, Secrets in the Hollers. Book two, Secrets Exposed, is soon to be released. Several times she told me, “You know, don’t you, that your books are going to help many people heal from what they had to live through!”

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Again, wow! Those words were like a soothing balm to my wounded soul because all I’d heard growing up and into adulthood from my mother was how worthless and sorry I was. How I’d never amount to anything. Now I know those were lies spoken by the enemy through my mother!

When she apologized to my husband, she looked at him sincerely and told him how sorry she was for interfering in our marriage and causing so much pain but she couldn’t stand the thought of him ‘taking my baby away’. It was so good and so healing to hear her say those words. I am thankful that God has helped me walk this path finding that I am able, with His help, of forgiving others!

During her last week on earth, I found out that she had a number of documented different personalities. I’ve prayed about whether or not to share this information but if it can help one person, one family, to overcome mental illness then it’s worth it. Many years ago when I first began my own healing journey I was documented to having at least 16. It’s not prideful that I share that but truth!

And why did both my mother and I have multiple personalities?

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Because of the horrific trauma, we both suffered in childhood from terrible ongoing child abuse! I have traced abuse back on my mother’s and father’s side at least for four/five generations! Abuse is a generational curse! But it can be broken! I have and you can too!

It angers me when I hear others say things like, well, we just didn’t want anyone to know; or, you know, it just is how we are; or other hogwash! Well, go on! Live life in an abusive state. Don’t step up and step out to make healthier decisions. Wait! I guess that sounds a bit harsh! Well, shoot! Truly we’re either part of the problem or the solution. I’ve decided I want to be part of the solution which means shining a spotlight on the horrors of abuse! Even if I have to do so alone! One of those ways I do so is in my writings and through the non-profit, we have formed!

On Oct 17^th Broken Pieces No More, Inc, a faith-based, not for profit will be hosting our first annual event to help raise awareness of domestic violence, Hope for All, at Rocky Hollow in Somerset, Ky. No one deserves to be abused.

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We are helping to raise awareness on various forms of abuse and provide direction for healthy choices of healing. We will have vendors who will be selling items as well as providing information. National Impressionist/Singer Kevin Adams will provide entertainment from 5:30-7:00. Our program will be held from 7:00-8:30. Mayor Keck and County Judge Kelley will be sharing encouraging words and we’ll have a demonstration from East West Karata for women’s safety! And more!

Feel free to contact us: brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or follow us on facebook: Broken Pieces No More Inc where we post regular updates. You can also follow my blog: pamelarichardswoodall.com

#daretodream I am!

August 9, 2019 ~ pamelarichardswoodall ~ 3 Comments

Dreams!

We all have them!

Some of us put ’em in a box and shove them to the back of our mind hoping maybe one day we’ll pursue them. Maybe we’re afraid to dream for fear of failure….or perhaps fear of succeeding! Hummm…. Others of us jump on board with our dreams no matter what. I’ve been kinda stuck somewhere in the middle.

I’ve wanted to be an author, a writer since I was a young girl-child. I wrote my first story, Bears Foot Town when I was nine years old. When I was sixteen my mother bought me my first typewriter…yes, the old fashion kind. A manual! I continued pounding out short stories year after year. I so wish I hadn’t of lost them in my various moves but alas, I no longer have them. However, I am forever creating new stories in my mind and often times pounding them out on my laptop.

But….I’ve decided to take the plunge and pursue my dream of becoming a published author!

My first book, Secrets in the Hollers, was written in a fictional setting taking place in a small town in eastern Kentucky based on a true story: Mine! This first book in the Secret series shares my story of horrific child abuse I fought with all my being to overcome! Physical. Mental/emotional. Sexual. Even being pimped out by those who were supposed to have loved and protected me to men in the community to help ‘pay the light bill’! My own personal experience with human sex slave trafficking!

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With in the month, I’ll be sending book 2, Secrets Exposed, to the printer. This book deals with various forms of narcissism and domestic violence I experienced. It’s time to expose those secrets we have all been listening to! #secretsnomore

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I am so thankful I’ve had the hope of Jesus to walk with me every step of the way. Does that mean life’s been easy or without pain?

Goodness me NO! But with His hope, I’ve been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel! I’ve been able to see a purpose in my life!

Don’t let anyone steal your dreams!

Dreams do matter! I believe they help give you a reason to get up in the morning and move forward. I also believe they are given to us by our Poppa God as part of His amazing purpose and plan to help bring His Kingdom to earth from Heaven.

#daretodream

I would love to hear about your dreams!

Drop me a line here or hit me up on face book at Author Pamela Richards Woodall or you can send a snail mail to PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502

Let’s dream together!

#Grievinghurts : The Loss of a Daughter’s Dream Mother

July 24, 2019 ~ pamelarichardswoodall ~ Leave a comment

Recently, my husband and I placed my mother under Hospice care. That was a hard decision! My mother and I have had a perilous relationship all my life. We never connected in a healthy mother-daughter relationship which has caused me to repeat many of those unhealthy learned behaviors. I’m thankful for those in my life and my relationship with Jesus for helping me see the need to create healthy behaviors and boundaries, and to quickly forgive! Nope…not always easy but necessary!

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These past weeks as I’ve watched this woman who carried me in her womb and gave birth to me deteriorate, weaken, fall many times, retreat to her childhood, shrink back in morbid fear from whatever demons may be haunting her….I’ve realized I’ve been given a precious gift. And I grabbed it with both hands.

I have traced child abuse back five generations on both sides of my family. Abuse has been a generational curse but for me, it has stopped. I’ve had to do a lot of forgiving but it’s necessary if I am to gain healing and freedom. I chose to forgive my mother which has also led me to forgive her mother and even her mother for not knowing how to bestow on each daughter, in turn, healthy nurturing a mother should be able to willingly do.

We become what we are taught in our childhood whether good or bad. When we are children it is never our fault for the bad things that happen. But when we become an adult, it is our responsibility to seek our Father’s healing through prayer, studying the Word, and seeking godly counselors with an on purpose determination to overcome the lies of the enemy to become the man or woman God designed us to be.

I found this article in Psychology Today about the wounds daughters receive when the mother-daughter relationship is unhealthy.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201304/daughters-unloving-mothers-7-common-wounds

We as mothers do have the ability to turn things around. It is our responsibility to gain healing for ourselves plus teach our daughters and granddaughters how wonderfully special they are! It’s time to stop the cycle of teaching them they are worthless or stupid and will never amount to anything and so much worse! Those are lies from the enemy! Search the Word of God to gain His truth of what He says about you and your children!

For the past several weeks when we’ve visited my mom we’ve been blessed with some good visits: Not all visits have been good. When she’s been alert, she has given us a very special gift! She has apologized to my beloved husband and myself for the hurts she’s caused in our life!

(There have been many wounds that have created a deep chasm down through the fabric of time that can never be changed nor the consequences for those actions. But we learn what we can to grow into a better person and make the choice to not repeat the cycle.)

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That for me is huge!! I view these conversations as a sweet gift from God to redeem the past and apply the balm of Gilead to those wounds my soul has carried for many years. And healing my mother’s soul!

I have no idea when she will pass. Doctors say it could happen today or several months from now. She has two large blood clots in her lungs. She’s beginning to eat less and falls frequently. It hurts my heart to see her having to live this way but I know God’s got it! I’m thankful for the blessings I’ve been given. Doesn’t mean it hurts less for I still have a lot of emotional pain but I’m learning to let go and give it to Him! And I am grateful for every visit I get with her especially when she’s alert and we can laugh and enjoy being together!

I’ve made her funeral plans. I know some may think that morbid but I’d rather do it now when there’s less stress than wait till the time is here when the stress will be greater. She says she’s ready to go and is leaving the arrangements up to my husband and me. It will be a sweet home-going! I plan to speak at her home-doing celebration to share the positive things about her and to share also that mental health is so very important!

When you grow up hearing such ugly words from your mother plus all the other abuses, it rips your soul especially from a mother to a daughter. But when you do receive the opportunity to hear your mother look you squarely in the eye and say, “I am sorry I hurt you!” Or, “You are so beautiful!” Or, “I’m so proud of you!” Or, “I know your books are going to help so many people!” It makes your soul gain deep inner healing and soar as it was meant to be!

I am praying for the relationship you have with your mother, whether she’s alive or passed, whether you’re a son or daughter! It matters! I care! May God through His precious Son, Jesus Christ, touch your soul in a deep way to bring healing!

Please feel to follow us in our new group, Broken Pieces No More, on facebook.

I’d love to hear your story! You can reach me at PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42501 or brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com

No one should ever have to walk alone with all the hurt and sorrow!

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#peaceindeath

June 25, 2019 ~ pamelarichardswoodall ~ 3 Comments

I woke this morning refreshed and energized, even excited! My body is tired but my mind renewed and for that, I am very thankful. You see, over the past four days my world has turned upside down so to speak. On Friday, the nursing home where my mother stays had to have her transported to the Emergency Room. There, after testing, they discovered two large blood clots, one on each lung. After consulting with the doctor he told us that she would probably be gone before morning. She’d refused medicine and even the oxygen that was vital for her living.

We all need our momma!

adolescence adult beautiful bed

Wow! What a shock! I’d contacted our son who lives 700 miles away. The doctor told us he didn’t believe our son could get to the hospital in time before my mother passed. Goodness! So my husband and I prepare for the finality of her home-going as best we can. We stayed at the hospital until late in the night when she grew agitated so we left thinking maybe we were causing her to not rest.

The next morning I hadn’t received a call that she’d passed so we were kinda shocked and even more so when we got to the unit where she was only to see her standing at the nurses’ station talking with them. Oh, my goodness! This woman sure is tough!

After a consult with the doctor, who was as shocked as we were of her continuing to live given the conditions of her lungs, we decided the best route to take would be to have Hospice give her comfort care for her last days. So later in the day, they transported her back to the nursing home.

We and the doctor asked her repeatedly if she’d like the medicine that would prolong her life. Her response was, “No, I want to go home!” Well, I’m thinking to the home she grew up in. So I ask her, “Mom, what home?”

She responds, “I wanta go to Heaven to see Jesus and Tommy! (My stepdad.)

As my husband and I have daily visited her we have been very shocked at her mood. She laughs, she jokes and we enjoy being with her. At our last visit, she was tracking well and in a good mood. Some things were mentioned about the past where there’d been some deep heart woundings for both my husband and me. She looked at my husband and said, “I’m so sorry! Will you ever forgive me?” Wow…and yes he has and told her so.

Then the conversation shifted to some rough years I’d had to endure at her manipulating after my husband I were separated long years ago. (We are now remarried. He is my precious soulmate!) She looked at me and said, “And that was my fault and I’m so sorry you were hurt!” Again, wow!!!

And we’ve talked about the books I’m writing. She asked me to remind her of my first one. I told her it was about the child abuse I’d experienced. “And the second”, she asked.

“It’s about the domestic violence I experienced”, I replied.

She paused a few minutes then looked up at me and said, “Your books will help a lot of people!” Wow…just wow!

My point in all of this is never give up! Pray for God’s redemption and restoration. My mother is dying. It could be today or a few months from now but she is indeed dying. I know God has blessed us with a very special gift. I believe I am seeing what my mother woulda been like had she not gone through her own horrific abuse! She made bad choices, we all have; however, she did not gain the healing needed to overcome brokenness from the past.

landscape nature africa boy — Photo by Julian Jagtenberg on Pexels.com

We all need freedom and forgiveness!

I encourage you, forgive those who have hurt you! Please don’t waste precious time! None of us are guaranteed of tomorrow. You may not be able to have a healed relationship with them because they may still be too toxic but you can walk in the sweet benefits of forgiving! Forgiveness is for you so you may live your life in victory and freedom and sweet healing!

I would love to hear your story of how you have been able to forgive!

For me….I had to….

1. Ask God to give me the want to, to even begin to forgive!

It wasn’t easy and took lots of practice! I knew Jesus had forgiven me and it was necessary for me to do the same to others who’d hurt me.

2. I had to remember I am not ruled or lead by my emotions but His truth.

There were many days on top of many days when I did not ‘feel’ like forgiving her or anyone who’s abused me. That doesn’t make it so. I had to remember, sometimes even as I was screaming and kicking my way through the mess, that His truth would set me free!

3. I needed to accept I was worth forgiving!

So many times those of us who have been hurt through abuse often feel unworthy. We struggle with whether or not anyone could ever really love us because we feel so dirty. Those are lies from the devil! He wants us to stay in bondage so he can lead us down a very dark, destructive path. He is a lier!!

In accepting I am worth forgiving it is often easier to then forgive others as well as self!

Jesus paid a very high price for my freedom: With His very life!

I am learning that I am indeed worth loving and forgiving myself because my Jesus says so! And so are you!

selective focus photography of monarch butterfly perched on marigold flower — Photo by Katie Burandt on Pexels.com

Feel free to drop a line to Broken Pieces No More PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502 or you may email to brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com

June 20, 2019 ~ pamelarichardswoodall ~ Leave a comment

When memories…when reality…comes flooding back reminding you of how your life once used to be it can seemingly knock the very breath right out of you!