Seems to me it whizzed by and I didn’t get to experience as much as I’d liked.
It’s been another strange year and I’m not sure we’ll ever get back to what we once perceived as normal. We probably won’t go back to what was but we can look forward to what can be! We can learn how to shine even when the situation seems darkest with Jesus on the inside of us!
This new year let’s…..
This new year let’s all focus on loving ourself just a bit more! Let’s eat the chocolate! Let’s take a nap! Let’s turn the music up blastingly loud! Let’s practice saying, “NO”! Let’s layout in a field watching the clouds float overhead! Let’s get naked and admire our body! (No…not together.) Let’s learn how to stay in the moment! Let’s learn how to color again…and this time…don’t worry bout staying in the lines! Let’s just simply sit and be!
Here today as I work on a new blog idea, I look out my window. I have been creating a flower garden for several years now just outside my window to provide inspiration when I get stuck. Writer’s block is not a good thing.
I can look out and see squirrels scurrying about along with a few ground squirrels, Chip and Dale can really move even with those tiny legs!
I also have a large butterfly bush that has a lovely purple bloom on it. It’s still green even though we’ve been having some damaging frosts lately. Wow…what determination!
I’ve greatly enjoyed my little flower garden. I hope to be able to add to it this next year. I’ve realized that when I first began developing it there was a lot more sun but as the nearby trees grew they are now blocking out a lot of direct sunlight. Flowers need that to shine.
Isn’t that just like us?
We need the Son’s direct light to shine on us so we know and understand what it is He’d have us to do. I know for me, without Him in my life I can easily get bogged down by the ugliness of this world.
I find myself wondering what would happen if I stepped into a detox type of season momentarily by disconnecting from most of my social media, turning off the television especially the news and focusing on only positive thankful things for a bit?
Lately, my mental health has taken a hard hit.
I can’t help but wonder if someway, somehow I’ve allowed the enemy to slither in when I give in to grumbling?
I believe when I give into grumbling I am engaging the negative forces which, if taken in large doses, will block the positive ones. It is my decision for I am the one who holds the remote to many issues I face.
It’s embarrassing to admit, but of late I’ve really been doing a lot of grumbling and complaining.
And Moses said, “When the Lord gives you in the evening meat to eat and in the morning bread to the full, because the Lord has heard your grumbling that you grumble against him—what are we? Your grumbling is not against us but against the Lord.”
And the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness, and the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.”
What are some negative effects of grumbling and complaining?
A quick google search pops this up:
When you complain, you increase your levels of cortisol, also known as the stress hormone. Chronically high levels of cortisol can lead to a variety of health problems, including increased risk of depression, digestive problems, sleep issues, higher blood pressure and even increased risk of heart disease.
Wow….that’s not very good now is it?
What are two ways you are practicing positivity during this season? Drop your answers in the comments below.
Limit my time on social media daily.
Make sure to get outside for fresh air and Vit-D.
I believe that a lot of our battles in our mind can be overcome with a positive attitude and a grateful heart. For me, that doesn’t come easily due to a trauma-filled past. However, I am learning to adjust my thinking and focus on the positive. I am also learning how to change my patterns of thinking.
I have much to be thankful for instead of grumbling and complaining about.
What are you thankful for?
Prayers your holiday is stress-free, and if not, then that you will be able to distance yourself from the stress drainers…those who like to suck the life right outta ya!
This year for the first time in my life I have no desire whatsoever to move forward into the joyous season. I’d just rather skip right over all the silly season and wake up on December 26th, thank you very much!!
I’ve been visiting with a grief counselor who has helped somewhat. Although, honestly I believe one thing that will help is simply time.
Today I’m missing my sweet mother-in-law. We did not have the typical mother-daughter-in-law relationship. Ours was very special and unique!
It was more mother-daughter!
Right now where I live the leaves are falling from the trees. Actually, there’s a blanket of fallen leaves laying over our yard. Mom didn’t like to let leaves pile up. She was always concerned someone would come around and flip a cigarette out and start a fire. Even in her last days, she’d go outside and rake leaves all the while, needing her walker to help her walk. She’d worked hard all her life and did so as she was able to right up to the end. I admired her so very much!
I always called her ‘mom’. She passed away this past August!
I miss her fiercely! As I know my sweet beloved and his brother do as well!
I’ve realized the family dynamics change greatly when the previous generation is gone. Dad, my husband’s father, passed away in 2016.
I don’t know how to do this grief stuff!
According to a quick search on the internet, grief is the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or some living thing that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual and philosophical dimensions.
I acknowledge that I’m in a deep season of grieving. I lost my mother in September 2019. I was with her when she exhaled her last breath. My dad passed in December 2020. I couldn’t be with him as the nursing home refused me to be with him! That still hurts deeply!
And now my precious mother-in-law!
Grief isn’t just about the passing of loved ones.
During the past few months, I’ve come to realize I’m not only grieving the loss of parents and sweet in-laws, but I’m also grieving the loss of my innocence. Having gone through horrific child abuse I learned early in life to pretend all was well and to stuff my true emotions way down deep on the inside of my soul. Well, that’s not healthy!
I believe I’ve been dealing with a lot of physical issues due to ignoring this pain within my soul!
How to deal with the grieving process (Grabbed this off the internet)
Acknowledge your pain.
Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically
The pain isn’t as bad as it was in the beginning, right after mom passed. I watched her exhale her last breath. I rejoice for I know she’s in Heaven and no longer suffering. Yet I surely miss her. I miss what might have been!
Over the past few months, I’m gaining more knowledge and understanding of what it means to simply sit with my pain.
I’m learning to embrace it!
I’m learning to talk to it!
I’m learning to touch it!
I’m learning to feel it!
I. Do. Not. Want. To. Feel. This. Pain!
Yet, I also know if I refuse to do so then my healing will take a lot longer. I don’t wanta prolong the healing that’s watching me as I grapple my way along this morbid path. I want to embrace my healing! Grab my healing and dance!
I simply refuse to drag this giant bag of pain and various attached emotions along behind me for the rest of my life!
I have way too much to live for!
I am so stinkin’ blessed with this incredible husband I have!
I am writing more books and they are being published!
Writing helps me release those demons who’ve messed with my mind.
Writing is healing!
Writing is a cleansing process. I’ve written a lot of letters lately to those who’ve hurt me in one way or another. I’m choosing on purpose to release them, to forgive them and move forward.
Does that mean the pain stops?
Well, not for me anyway!
And one positive thing with all this pain junk is that I’m now realizing I can actually feel. That means I’m not stuffing it! I’m not pretending I’m okay when inside I’m falling apart!
Here’s a list of the first four books I’ve written.
Each of them are available on Amazon.
I’m currently working on book 3 in the Secret series as well as the story of my beloved and I. Both will be released in 2022.
I’m also learning to be gentle with myself. I used to put me last. I guess many of us do that for whatever reason. I’m now learning that I’m worth the effort of self-care. It’s not easy cuz I’m having to unlearn years of negative self-care and replace those learned behaviors with care for me.
I know that’s how my Abba Father desires me to do. He tells me that in His Word.
I know grieving is an important part of living. It means I’ve loved deeply. And was loved deeply!
I know I’m gonna be alright.
I also know this part of my life path is messy and hard and sad.
So if you see me, don’t fret!
Don’t think you need to be upbeat and joking around me. Sometimes I’d just like someone to sit with me. Not saying anything or doing anything special. Just being real.
It’s okay. We all experience grief and we all deal with it differently.
I’m just choosing to be raw and naked with mine! Maybe what I experience will help someone else!
I don’t know how we’ll do holidays this year.
I know the three of us will have Thanksgiving together. My beloved and I have been talking bout getting away on Christmas. Making new memories.
Our family is small…though not of our choice. Our son and his sweet family live far away which makes getting together often very hard. The other family members…..well right now there’s stuff going on so we just simply let ’em be and go on. We know God’s got it and He has them in His capable hands. For that we are thankful.
I am blessed….I hurt deeply but that simply means I’m allowing myself to finally feel!
And lordy, those feelings sometimes suck!
But…..I will rejoice! I will keep on keeping on this healing path! I will discover great and amazing blessings along the way! And I will always be grateful for being able to feel!
That simply means I’m not dead yet!
I pray your holiday is comforting.
Don’t force yourself to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. It’s really not worth that effort. You, my friend, are so worth learning how to deeply love and respect yourself!
This year I refuse to put myself in a situation that could cause drama or crap! Life’s way too short for that stuff!
During this time in which we find ourselves living, I firmly believe we must be willing to step outside the box, even ourselves, in order to grab hold of new and innovative thought processes for surviving day to day with a healthy mindset. For me, that’s included a few things I’ll share here.
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts from wherever you are.
I do wanta encourage you in that you are not alone! Especially if Jesus lives in your heart!
Even if the mountains were to crumble and the hills disappear, my heart of steadfast, faithful love will never leave you, and my covenant of peace with you will never be shaken,” says Yahweh, whose love and compassion will never give up on you.
It has taken me so many years to realize God’s unfailing love for me!
I grew up in an insanely dysfunctional home where love was never spoken of nor practiced. Not sure my guardians knew how or what love really was. Well, no, of course, they didn’t; otherwise, I wouldn’t have experienced such horrific child abuse! I was taught that I was worthless and no account. That was a lie!
I am very valuable! As we all are in God’s sight!
Being married to my wonderful beloved has taught me so much about unconditional love! We are neither perfect, but his love for me is a godly love and reflects Jesus in Him. I am highly blessed and healing deeply as a result!
2. Do not fear!
There are over 365 times written in His word to ‘fear not’!
I’ve had to engage my mind on this one so much, or rather, I have to retrain my brain to not focus on fear! I grew up with fear as a close friend, so close in fact that I could often feel the hot, clammy breath of fear breathing down my neck as a little girl.
For me, I have to focus on the blessings and promises of God, rather than what the media is throwing out on the airwaves of late. If I don’t keep my guard up, I can easily be freaked out by what folks are spewing forth of late. That’s not healthy!
I know in Whom I believe and it isn’t some news outlet or social media site. I occasionally listen to several news sources, for I do not believe any one of them solely anymore. It’s kinda like the ole saying, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Don’t get all your information from one source….unless that source is the Word of God!
Sadly, I find many I meet along the way are so afraid!
And why not??
With all the fear being spewed forth daily on social media and through news outlets, it’s no wonder we’re not all running for those mountains for cover!
I have learned that fear is a perceived threat of some kind to ourselves or our family unit. When we are afraid, we react totally out of the ‘flight or fight’ mode. Adrenaline pumps through our system, causing us to make hasty decisions instead of mediating on a safe answer.
I’ve also read where some believe the opposite of fear is safety. Maybe so. I know for me when I’m afraid, I do not feel safe at all. I’m learning not to jump into the emotion of fear so quickly!
I’ll hear folks talking bout how we need to stock up on this or that because soon there won’t be any more of that item, and fear begins to quiver within my being. There is nothing wrong at all with using common sense and being prepared. I just can’t jump over into being afraid. Then I must remind myself on Whom I believe and trust.
Maybe for me the opposite of fear is trusting in the One who made the universe!
Fear is nasty and messy for me and I do not like it in my life. I appreciate the times I need that emotion for protection but I do not want to live there anymore! Life is way too short to live in fear!
I pray you are doing well and that you are able to get a handle on fear!
Yet, I have recently realized that for me, can’t speak for anyone else, I have indeed begun to find hope during this season.
We read in the Word in The Passion Translation, in Proverbs 13: 12, When hope’s dream seems to drag on and on, the delay can be depressing. But when at last your dream comes true, life’s sweetness will satisfy your soul.’
Same scripture in the New King James Version, Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
Either way, we can clearly read that without hope, we’re sure to experience depression and often times, defeat!
What do you hope in?
Leave it all to chance and hope for the best?
We all need to put our hope in something or someone!
I place my hope in Jesus Christ!
Without Him I have no doubt I would not be here.
With all the many horrors I’ve experienced and lived through from childhood on….He is the only reason I live and breath!
So today I celebrate my hope in a pandemic!
I am gaining more and more healing during this time of mourning the passing of my sweet mother in law as well as both my parents over the past two years.
I’m also gaining healing over past traumas that have caused me great grief and saddness.
I am embracing newness of life as I uncover those hidden treasures the enemy has kept from me that were mine all along from Abba.
I encourage you to also begin seeking your hope!
Hope is energizing!
Hope is healing!
Hope is a sweet medicine bubbling up from the depths of one’s soul!
Jesus is that tree of life we can draw strength from!
It is He who has sustained me and given me the ability to keep moving forward.
It is He who has comforted me when my heart was breaking because of hurtful words spoken by those near me.
It is He who has made a way where there seemed no way.
It is He who has proven time and again He is oh, so trustworthy.
It is He I run to and fling myself in His waiting arms when I feel so broken from grief.
Did you know grief isn’t just about that person who has died?
No, grief can also include mourning that broken relationship; time lost and never to be gained again; seasons of life that could have been avoided if only….grief comes to us in all shapes and sizes.
I pray that if you are in a grieving season you’ll be especially kind to yourself and also allow yourself to feel the feelings. Ya gotta feel it to heal it! May sound trite but it is truth!
Who or what are you hoping for today?
To what tree are you clinging?
I’d love to hear from you!
Massive blessings to you!
Drop me a line here or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Ecclesiastes 3 tells that there is a time and season for many things under Heaven. Right now this is my time of healing.
1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
But how do I heal?
That I do not know!
What is healing?
This is what google tells me, the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.
Wow…boy oh, do I need that!
And where do I even begin?
Was I ever healthy?
I’m honestly not sure!
I’ve had professionals tell me I should be in an insane asylum or dead because of the horrific amount of trauma I’ve experienced.
>Trafficked to men in the community until I was 11 years old to pay the ‘light bill‘ each month.
>Massive amounts of child abuse: physical, sexual, neglect, psychological.
>Given enemas’ over and over to ‘get the devil outta me’.
>Groomed to obey whatever ever was told to me.
And so much more.
I write about this and more in my latest book, House Full of Secrets: Human Trafficking and Redemption.
All of my books are available on Kindle or Amazon in paperback. A portion of all book sales goes to Broken Pieces No More Inc, a nonprofit my husband, a dear friend and I formed to raise awareness of child abuse and human trafficking.
Right now with all that’s going on I am stepping back from most areas and focusing on gaining my own deep, inner healing. If I’m not healed then I won’t be of much use to others. It is imperative that I gain my own healing as I want to be instrumental in helping others who have trod a similar path as I have. #healingispossible
We all need healing for we’ve all been hurt in some manner.
What are you hoping to heal within?
It is possible!
And you are not alone, no matter how much you or the enemy tries to convince you of..it’s a lie!
Never allow anyone to deny you this unique opportunity to gain that necessary healing either.
I pray you will be able to join me on a similar journey and grab hold of the healing you deserve.
I sat and watched them lower your casket in the ground. I know some may think I’m morbid but for me that’s closure. I know it was only your body as you are now in Heaven with Jesus! And that reason alone causes me to rejoice!
Yet I miss you so very much!
I’ll never again hear you say, “Honey, I love you too!”
Even so, I’d never wanta bring you back to this earth with all that’s going on! You are in a much better place now!
So for this season, I will grieve and I will mourn your passing.
I will allow myself to feel all the feelings and emotions and I will grow all the better for it!
I will closely guard the precious memories of you I have!
And I will learn from this relationship and hopefully, allow my others to grow as a result.
I don’t fully understand the process of grieving, of mourning but I am learning and growing.