Stress-less and learning to value me!

I’ve been absent for a while. I’ve needed to pull back and reevaluate some life situations. This season we all seem to find ourselves in unwillingly has taken a toll on many, including myself. I have been reevaluating the need for self-care. Personally, I feel in our society we rarely speak on this issue and how vitally important it is. Especially now with all these lockdowns and the spreading of fear! We are not called to fear but to faith!

This season we’re now in, at least here in the United States of America, is fall. I can look out my window at the beautiful leaves of various colors and be in awe at the greatness around me! Reds and oranges and yellows and yet, still some greens that are seemingly hanging on in a stubborn fashion. Such beauty!

Are you stubborn?

I am though I’m not sure if that’s a strength or weakness. I suppose it would determine how or where that stubbornness is used. I’ve been told most of my adult life I’m like a bulldog with a bone when I’m after something. I don’t want to let go. And this is truth! So yes, I do have the stubborn streak in me.

I believe I learned to be stubborn as a result of horrific child abuse. I believe I had to develop that stubborn streak in order to survive. Any form of abuse is horrible! I firmly believe and feel to the core of my being that ‘It shouldn’t have to hurt to live in a family!’

We use this phrase often in our ministry, Broken Pieces No More Inc.

Love isn’t supposed to hurt!

Families should be safe places to live!

Moms and dads shouldn’t want to hurt their children!

Spouses shouldn’t wanta hurt each other!

Yet, we do….daily…..and yes, sometimes in one family there is daily abuse!

So, I factor in my stubborn streak and yes, I’ve learned how to cope well living within abusive relationships. However, I’m also now realizing that is not healthy at all even though I thought so. Maybe there was a bit of arrogant pride involved! As in, ‘ha, I made it! I did it by myself! Look at me go!’ All the while I’m limping over to the corner to sit down and lick my wounds, so to speak.

When what I wanta be able to do is learn from those false beliefs, those lies, that were heaped on my little girl’s head as a child and grow into the Godly woman I’ve been destined to be! Well, shoot! I don’t know if I’m up for that or not! It takes a lot more work to change my perspective and focus on the positive.

I’ve lived in dysfunctional relationships, well, let’s just call it what it was: An abusive marriage! I felt I was strong to have endured for as long as I did without any major battle wounds! Ha! Maybe I was stupid!

How did my remaining in a cruel, abusive, demeaning relationship build me up as a woman?

How did any of that negative, toxic stuff help me grow and develop into the woman God wanted me to become?

It did not!!

If anything, choosing to remain in a toxic relationship only served to delay my growth and damage my soul!

How?

By remaining in a toxic, dysfunctional relationship I ended up damaging my health by an increase of the stress hormone, cortisol. This stress hormone increases our sugar level and also messes with our flight-or-flight responses. Because of the high stress homes, I’ve lived in most of my life, I’ve been on a constant alert state. That is not good for anyone.

I am now working to decrease my stress levels.

Photo by Pedro Figueras on Pexels.com

How? Here are some ways.

  1. Be mindful of my surroundings.

I take inventory of where I am, what I’m thankful for, items around me, and listen to my breathing.

It might go something like this:

                Take a deep cleansing breath and let it out slowly.

                I thank God for keeping me safe all my life and blessing me with my beloved husband.

                I look around and count the various objects near me that are a soft aqua blue.

2. In being mindful, I remind myself that I am now safe.

Knowing I was unsafe for so many years, beginning in my early childhood, I doubted that I’d ever have a safe place to live. Years ago, when I managed to escape an abusive marriage, I was able to live with my son and his family for a season. That time and now, being with my beloved are the two safest times in my entire life! I do not take for granted the time I now have to live my life in peace!

It might look something like this:

Oh no! My husband will be home in twenty minutes!
I no longer have the fearful compulsion of rushing through the house making sure every item is in its proper place and turned just so! There is no need to turn all the cans in the pantry facing outward nor line up the towels perfectly! That was my old life.
I can breathe deeply now because I am not afraid! I am safe!

3. As I feel safe, I am free to explore my emerging inner self.

I firmly believe as we begin to realize we are indeed safe; our mind will slow down allowing us to process daily activities in a healthier manner. Once you land in a safe place, whether it’s with someone or on your own, you will begin to hear your own thoughts, your own desires, your own beliefs. For me, I’ve learned to weight my thoughts, desires and beliefs against the Word of God! It’s His book I find wisdom and guidance as I take each step. Oh, that doesn’t mean I don’t fall from time to time but the getting back up means more now that the guilt and condemnation is falling off!

It might look something like this:

I’m having a really hard day. One where the stinkin’ thinkin’ begins to get louder and I hear the negative words echoing around in my brain. When that happens, I find myself beginning to feel depressed, maybe wanting to emotional eat a bunch of chocolate cookies or go back to bed.

What I can do instead is remind myself I’ve come a long way and I am His redeemed daughter! I can put some praise and worship music on and I can find scriptures I’ve marked in my Bible that remind me in Him I am worthy!

These are just three areas I have been dealing with. For me, there are more but progress is very possible. One step at a time! One issue at a time!

What is one area where you are growing into a more healed individual?

What is one healthy coping skill you have for overcoming stress?

I’d love to hear from you!

I pray you have a most wonderfully blessed day!

More next time!

Stay safe and take care of you!

#daretodream I am!

Dreams!

We all have them!

Some of us put ’em in a box and shove them to the back of our mind hoping maybe one day we’ll pursue them. Maybe we’re afraid to dream for fear of failure….or perhaps fear of succeeding! Hummm….  Others of us jump on board with our dreams no matter what. I’ve been kinda stuck somewhere in the middle.

I’ve wanted to be an author, a writer since I was a young girl-child. I wrote my first story, Bears Foot Town when I was nine years old. When I was sixteen my mother bought me my first typewriter…yes, the old fashion kind. A manual! I continued pounding out short stories year after year. I so wish I hadn’t of lost them in my various moves but alas, I no longer have them. However, I am forever creating new stories in my mind and often times pounding them out on my laptop.

But….I’ve decided to take the plunge and pursue my dream of becoming a published author!

My first book, Secrets in the Hollers, was written in a fictional setting taking place in a small town in eastern Kentucky based on a true story: Mine! This first book in the Secret series shares my story of horrific child abuse I fought with all my being to overcome! Physical. Mental/emotional. Sexual. Even being pimped out by those who were supposed to have loved and protected me to men in the community to help ‘pay the light bill’! My own personal experience with human sex slave trafficking!

 

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With in the month, I’ll be sending book 2, Secrets Exposed, to the printer. This book deals with various forms of narcissism and domestic violence I experienced. It’s time to expose those secrets we have all been listening to! #secretsnomore

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I am so thankful I’ve had the hope of Jesus to walk with me every step of the way. Does that mean life’s been easy or without pain?

Goodness me NO! But with His hope, I’ve been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel! I’ve been able to see a purpose in my life!

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Photo by Marian Florinel Condruz on Pexels.com

 

Don’t let anyone steal your dreams!

Dreams do matter! I believe they help give you a reason to get up in the morning and move forward. I also believe they are given to us by our Poppa God as part of His amazing purpose and plan to help bring His Kingdom to earth from Heaven.

#daretodream

I would love to hear about your dreams!

Drop me a line here or hit me up on face book at Author Pamela Richards Woodall or you can send a snail  mail to PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502

Let’s dream together!

In my first book I share trauma from my childhood that really messed me up for years.

I am now into some very determined and deep healing!

I’ve fought depression…. anxiety….suicidal thoughts and much more. I refuse to allow those who decided to steal my innocence the power to keep me all cowered down in shame!

In my first book I share how I’ve learned to overcome many pains from my past.

I have them for sale or you may purchase from Amazon Kindle.

You are beautiful!

You are loved!

Don’t let others determine your progress!

I have fought and continue to fight my own personal demons though I know I am walking in a healthier path now more than ever! I pray and hope the same for you!

Enjoy today!

You deserve the very best you you can be!

You are fan-tabulous!

Forgiving myself has been and continues to be the hardest but I am determined to do so!

Yes, you are indeed enough!!

I’d love to hear your story!

I’m also available for speaking opportunities to share my incredible story of hope in creating a life of happiness after horrific abuse!

Give me a holler!!

Pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

On facebook….

Author Pamela Richards-Woodall

Dreams Do Come True! Never Stop Dreaming!

For me, there’s something magical-feeling when I reach a goal, when I reach a milestone! This is a huge one for me! Seeing this book in print and also on Amazon Kindle! Dreams do come true!

There’s been a lot of hard work that has gone into this project. It took me almost three years to write the this book which is a work of fiction based on a true story: Mine! It took a lot of energy to write my truth for I’ve been taught from the beginning of my time that I was to never tell the secrets or I’d get in bad trouble! And, “Do you want me to hurt your mommy like this? Well, if you tell that’s what will happen!”  These words were spoken to me from my early childhood on by one of my main perpetrators!

Now I tell my truth wherever a door is opened to do so! I am no longer ashamed of my truth! I also realize so many others are living with their shame because no one has yet come along side them to offer a voice to help bring hope and healing.

I first published it under Tate Publishing which is now out of business so when you search on Amazon disregard the first book. You’ll know which one it is cuz someone jacked the price up super high! We are working to have the old one deleted.

I decided to rewrite and republish this book, which is the first in a three part series, on the secrets that went on behind my closed doors dealing with various forms of abuse. Book two, Secrets Exposed, will be released by fall 2018. My wonderful husband and I formed our own publishing company, Oak Tree Publishing Companyand I am so pleased with the finished product.

Sandy Hawk of @GoodHopeDesigns created the beautiful cover. She did a great job!! It is a very special picture for me as it’s of my aunt and uncles home where I gained a lot of healing!

 

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This version could easily be used as a study or reference book on childhood abuse as I included more information in this rewrite pertaining to the cycle of generational abuse as I’ve traced mine back for several generations on both sides of my family in some degree or other. I also share some of the methods that helped me gain the healing and freedom I have found. Hope is possible after abuse!

It hasn’t been that long ago I was so terrible resentful and angry that I had gone through what I did as a child then on into my adult life. God is in control so why didn’t He stop it? He knew what was gonna happen!

Well, I have gained more healing and have a fresh perspective now.

Now I am so thankful for what I went through, what I experienced! If I hadn’t of then I couldn’t be a strong voice for those who haven’t yet obtained their voice.

A portion of all my book sales will go towards our nonprofit, I Am a Voice for the Voiceless, or V4VL for short!

V4VL will focus on three areas:

Liberty’s Hope-offers solutions for those facing addictions in their life;

Jenny’s Grace-provides help and hope to any who have suffered or are suffering from abusive situations and

Elijah’s Love-assists those who are in poverty or homelessness conditions.

My publisher, Oak Tree, will match all funds from the sale of my books which goes to V4VL! We are so excited about this partnership!

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I look forward to hearing from you! I’d love to hear your story!

You can follow me on here on my blog or on twitter @pamelajwoodall or facebook at: Author Pamela Richards Woodall. You can also email me at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

Never give up on your dreams! They were given to you for a reason.

Dream on!

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Under the Spreading Apple Tree….it happened

(Possible trigger warning)

The blooming apple tree, for me, signifies spring is indeed springing though this year there seems to be some confusion on this season if its coming or going. Its been warm then it gets really cold and even attempts to snow but that makes the seasons interesting in Kentucky! It’s never boring!

Just outside my office window this apple tree has beautiful blooms beginning with the buds then the opening plus there is a sweet, deep fragrence! Until just a few days ago I didn’t realize how lovely an apple tree smells.

For me for many long years I hated the apple tree! I dreaded to see the tree burst forth in bloom every spring with out fail. Yes, I know hate is a strong word but that’s how I felt.

That is until this year!

This year I decided to gain some control over those hateful feelings by confronting my memories associated with blooming apple trees!

You see, one of the first memories of my child abuse that returned was of me as a very young girl, laying naked on a clear sheet of plastic down in the backyard under a blooming apple tree. I remember disassociating thinking I was sitting up in that tree watching what was being done to that little girl by her uncle and grandmother thinking how horribly bad that was.

I so wanted to rescue that little girl!

I so wanted to protect her but I wasn’t able to!

I was that little girl!

April is National Child Abuse Awareness month and it’s the month apple trees are normally in bloom. Ironic.

So this week I walked out to the apple tree right outside my office window and had a good talk. I apologized to that little girl of long ago telling her how sorry I was she was ever hurt! I reminded her of her worth and value and that she was oh, so loved! And that she’s gonna do great things by telling her story to others so that they too can find their healing path!

And I spent time once again asking God to help me forgive those who had violated my being, my mind and my little girls body!

And to forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness against my abusers for so long, for not letting go of the pain and resentment sooner.

I chose on purpose to forgive them and move forward. There is way more peace in the forgiveness that in staying in the memories of the past.

Besides I’ve got way too much good to do! I’ve got more books to write! Words to share with others offering hope and help as they take necessary steps to overcome their painful past.

No one ever deserves to be abused! Ever!!

The trauma effects of child abuse afterward can be life altering but they do not necessarily have to steal your life!

You can grow and heal from child abuse!

If you need someone to be your voice until you gain yours I’d be honored to do so!

I’d love to hear your story!

You can reach out to me at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

I’ve written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, as a work of fiction based on a true story, mine!

Together we will become a force to be reckoned with!

Together we can help move many mountains!

#Iamavoiceforthevoiceless

May you have a sweet, peaceful day!

Warriors Against Child Abuse

She struggled upon rising. Her heart was so heavy. Decisions to be made with no clear direction.

Standing there on the craggy mountain top backed up against the hard rock face she had just a wee bit of protection from the fierce wind that whipped about.

It was here she sought internal restoration. It was here she hoped to regain her strength. She had to. She had her assignments to manage and failure wasn’t an option.

Even taking this precious time to have her armor checked for any tears or openings took valuable time from her plan yet she knew it was vitally needed.

She slowed her breathing and allow her self to still as the little ones examined her with a close eye that would catch even the smallest dent of snag that could bring another destruction.

She looked out over the expanse laid before her. Cities, communities, homesteads and the watchers that were encamped high upon the hills all laid out before her. She’d made her way to this vantage point where she could view their comings and goings.

She knew that the evil one had created a trail into the city below where he plied his filth. He’d brought a new substance within the city walls that provided innocent ones a trip like they’d never taken. This had to go she knew!

And there over in the next town she’d begun to hear of children being made to do things only adult should preform. This made her blood boil causing her muscles to tighten and her hand to clutch her sword tighter! The littles working on her armor tapped her gaining her attention to relax so their work would go smoother. When she tensed her muscles it caused the armor to become one with her flesh making repairs much harder.

She knew immediately when they’d finished with her and stood upright. In doing so she felt the onslaught of the bitter wind whipping her long hair in a multitude of directions and biting her pale skin.

With her armor now fully intact amd having gained needed nourishment she stepped over to the edge of the harsh mountain top viewing all that was laid out before her. She was still tired but had enough strength to preform her next task.

She’d been assigned to advance to the home of a little boy whose father visited him in the middle of the night. This father came when others had drifted off into slumberland full of dreams and peace. This father did not visit his son to offer his noble protectiontion but rather to once again pull his son into the dark, moist pit he himself frequented. This father was the worst in many ways.

Annagaf stood there on the edge of the mountain imagining how she would take care of this father this night….and then she jumped over the edge of the mountain into nothingness. Moments later she landed with a slight thud outside the boys bedroom window where she heard muffled cries.

At that exact moment she allowed herself appeared in the little ones room just in time to stop the father from making his final move.

She made her presence known as she reached for the man’s neck. The little boy looked up at her weeping then realizing she was not to hurt him. With wide eyes the boy watched as suddenly the woman lifted his father off the sagging bed and they both disappeared from view.

Annagaf dropped the man on the cold hard ground near the half circle of men and women gathered in the darken chamber. Tonight his fate would be made known.

Annagaf’s right hand itched as she desperately wanted to lift her sword but up on looking at Gazar she knew to hault her desires. She would wait this night to see what the fate of this coward would be.

For now she had to ready herself for her next assignment for there were surely many other children to save!

She was a warrior!

Ristrictions No More

She allowed her fingers to gently skim the surface of the glistening pool slightly distorting her image that briefly reflected back at her. The water, cool and wet, beckoned her to enter into its murky depths enticing her to cast off forever the restrictions that had been placed around her many years ago.

She felt the fire within her being that could enable her to rip off those preconceived restrictions but how? How did she make that happen? That seemed so far outta her reach. She knew they were there, those unseen restrictions places on her by them, those who were supposed to have been her guardians.

But restriction covered her tightly in its unseen garments that had irritated her tender skin and kept her bound since the beginning of her time. Restrictions enacted by them, by the guardians who were to be her protectors had not had her best interest in mind at all.

These restrictions had held tight to her tender, young flesh; pulling, poking and prodding until she thought at times she would surely lose her grip on reality, surely she would lose her mind and end up dead or in an insane asylum.

There were those few times she thought, hoped with everything in her being that she’d finally be free, but sadly she was mistaken, lied to, fooled, tricked all over time and time again! When would she ever taste the sweetness of freedom?

She ached to be released yet she did not realize how very bound up she really was. Oh, to be able to make her own decisions for her own body, her own mind! But no! Someone else was always just a breath away who seemed to hold that ability.

When the earth shook around her in her young years she clinched her body so tightly it quivered; some tried to believe it was with excitement but she felt like a bowl full of red, angry jello.

Even now as an adult she still felt thus in certain settings. Those settings others never knew about nor would have understood. She longed to break out of all her restrictions. She ached to share but she rarely did. She longed to be carefree, to play in the rain, to chase fireflies, to engage with her mystical self but she dared not. She longed to allow the real part of her core person to come forth but she must protect that one with every fiber of her being.

Others were watching and she never knew when they would once again pounce on her forcing their heavy restrictions over her yet again. No, it was better to not let herself long for the sweet taste of freedom and wonder how the sweet, cool water would feel as it gently flowed past her cool skin.

But yet, this could not be, this carrying of the restriction, what was meant for her as the Teacher whom she’d met years ago had assured her if she’d but follow Him then He would show her great mysteries to unfold; He would enable her to rip the scab off of long held secrets that had a cancer like quality that oozed poison into ones body and soul.

No, she had to hold on and put her trust in Him. He had said He would enable her to grow stronger and braver so she would wait and allow this to unfold.

She would not enter into the murky waters depths this day. This day she would stand in the sun there on the bank and allow the heat to burn those areas of resisting from off her being. She would force herself to withstand the burning of refining fire as she grew stronger and her armor became more intact. She would allow herself to be made into a warrior to be useful in leading others to throw off their own restrictions and together they would build up a vital army!

Yes, today she would bask in the fiery heat as she knew she was being moulded onto a stronger core being of herself!

Soon she would emerge as the warrior she’d been destined to be those thousands of years ago!

#warriorrisingup

#iamavoiceforthevoiceless

#secretsnomore

Fab Friday

No, I suppose not everyone would be able to declare today being fabulous. Sad isn’t it?!

Mine’s been ok. Here it’s very cold. I don’t do cold well. I’ve often joked I musta been born in the wrong part of the country cuz I’d do much better in the South! Even so, I am ever so grateful for our warm home to work in as I continue my book writing and doing various household tasks.

However warm weather is soon to arrive and with it gardening, picnics, hiking, and more outdoor stuff. I really like being outside more than inside. That is if its lots warmer.

I hope your Friday has been kind to you and that you’ve felt safe and protected.

Finally I can say without a doubt I now live my life with that warm, fuzzy feeling of safety and protection! That’s mainly because I’m now married to my soulmate and am where I’m supposed to be, where I was supposed to have been many years ago but sadly circumstances changes that path for us! (Another book to be written!) And I’m loved beyond reason which is affording me the opportunity to experience returning that true love. And I’m loving!

When you have experienced childhood sexual abuse its often very hard to ever have that true sense of safety and protection. It is possible! And its hard to allow yourself to accept another’s love for you. It is possible!

One reason this is a fab Friday for me is knowing at the end of the work day my beloved will return and I will once again feel complete.

I firmly believe, for me at least, being married to this incredible man has given me much needed strength to face those demons of my past and see them slayed once and for all! And my beloved has greatly helped! Him and Jesus!

Personally I figure I’ll be battling demons the rest of my life. My perspective now has simply changed. I am ready to fight for others who have suffered childhood sexual abuse!

You see, it took me many years stuffed full of guilt, shame and condemnation from the many years of traumatic abuse I experienced to finally taste that sweet deliverance! It was a long hard fight to gain the sweet healing and freedom I now walk in! And I guard it closely!

If you are a victim of childhood sexual abuse you are not alone! And there is hope…and freedom…and healing and so much more for you to experience!

I’m here to listen to your story!Sometimes a listening ear is so important! Know that someone does care and believes!

I will be your voice until yours grows stronger!

#iamavoiceforthevoiceless

#secretsnomore

*I have written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers published by Oak Tree Publishing, sharing some of my own experience and how hope set me free!

Let me know if you’d like a copy. They are $18.05 plus shipping.