I held the #secrets inside my heart, my inner being, for so many years. And in doing so I became very sick. I suffered from various forms of stomach issues and other physical junk.
1. I remember numerous doctors over my life time telling me I “have a nervous stomach”. I’ve dealt with diarrhea and constipation most of my life as well as intestinal issues.
2. I’ve fought severe headaches that have often put me to bed, lights out and everything quiet type pain.
3. I’ve dealt with chronic joint pain much of my life. Inside my body is a woman longing to escape the confines of skin and bone to go running through the forest unencumbered by any form of restraints…yes, maybe even butt naked!
No probably not literally but it would be so wonderful to walk my life’s path in total freedom. I do know I enjoy more liberty now than ever before! For that growth I am grateful!
*What physical issues have / are you dealing with because you’ve felt forced to keep the secrets?
Oh wouldn’t it be radical if we who have suffered childhood trauma learned that by releasing/telling the secrets we in fact would expedite our own healing and take back our power?!?
You can do your own research to confirm how emotional healing will in fact heal physical problems. I have and I also know from my own personal experience this is true.
All of these are important to my well being and yours as well.
I chose to walk my healing path with Jesus leading the way for without Him I have no doubt I’d be either dead or in an insane asylum! I am so stinkin blessed!
What about you?
How are you gaining ground on your healing path?
I encourage you to take a step today towards your healing!
Because you my friend are so very worth the effort!
I’m praying for you this day!!
Have the best day you can have right where you’re at!
Have you ever had days where you seem to wrestle with some unseen force just to barely keep your head above water? It’s almost like some giant hand is trying ever so hard to push you under the water!
Have you felt surely that you were gonna drown in the depths of despair?
Have you ever tried ever so hard to get away from your own self because of the many thoughts that are fighting one over the other to get to the forefront of your mind?
Personally I often struggle with chaotic thoughts, even stinking thinking. I grew up in an abusive, dysfunctional home which created a perfect cesspool of an opportunity for stinkin’ thinkin’! I learned how to think unwisely as a child. I learned how to think unbalanced, unhealthy. Now I am learning how to think more in a healthy manner! But it’s not always easy, well at least for me anyway!
As an abused child I learned, conditioned if you will, at a very early age to try to think one, two or ever five steps ahead of a situation so I could possibly avoid yet another attack; I learned how to plot various situations in my head to figure out what I should do if this or that happened. When we learn that behavior as a child it makes deep ruts in our brains that if we don’t make the effort to get out of those ruts as an adult could very well end up being our grave! I don’t know about you but I didn’t want that!
So I’m learning to change my stinkin’ thinkin’ by creating new paths in my brain; healthier ways of thinking! Stinkin thinkin only serves to kill, steal and destroy! I want life and life more abundantly!
So what am I learning to do to change that behavior, to change that old way of thinking?
1. Identify Old Patterns
It’s taken me may years but I am realizing I am making progress in this area. I’m learning to quickly identify old patterns that have before caused me pain, grief, depression, anxiety and so much more!
Actually just this week I had an experience where I’d wandered around in this funk, this stinkin’ thinkin’, letting it suck the life outta me like two ticks and no dog! I allowed myself to get into a major depression from listening to the lies, the assaults on my thinking of how bad I am or how I’d never amount to anything or any of a hundred more accusations! While talking with my sweet husband later on I realized that the voice I heard were very familiar from my past, even all the way back to my childhood. Oh wow…revelation!
And as he so sweetly reminded me, “Babe, that’s not your Father’s voice!” (Meaning our Heavenly Father) And he was and is right!
Identify that voice.
2. Assess if the message is helpful or hurtful
So as the day that I heard and listened to the stinkin’ thinkin’ wore on I realized that the words I was hearing in my head were actually giving me a headache. Well that’s certainly not a good thing now is it?! In fact it was hurtful!
By mid-afternoon I was not only fighting depression, I was battling a major headache! I had to make some changes.
So I got out and went for a short walk to hopefully clear my head. I got a shower and actively began to change my way of thinking, change what I was listening to. And it did make a difference!
I was sad to admit all that time I spent listening to those words I’d wasted precious time I would not get back. I had allowed myself to be duped into believing the stinkin thinkin that had plagued my mind for most of that day!
3. Create a new strategy
Remember those ruts I mentioned earlier? I learned to view them as a cow path down to the pond from across the hill round the field. That cow will take the path of least resistance, much like we humans often do, and in doing so by going the same route over and over again, pretty soon a rut begins to form. Oh at first it’s merely a faint path hard to make out but after months and years of walking the same way day after day it becomes more clearly defined.
So in order to get out of this rut I must create a new plan of action, a new strategy! I must choose on purpose to think differently. I’m learning to recognize the accusing voice much quicker! And not only to recognize when I’m being lied to; I must replace those lies with His truth! And in order to know what that is I must discover it! I must search out His truth and what He says about me!
This all takes effort on my part but if I want to grow, if I want to take responsibility for my life, as a healthy adult should, then I must be willing to do so!
You too can do something similar.
If you are fighting stinkin thinkin there is positive changes availiable. I don’t know about you but I’ve decided that life is just way too precious and too short, to spend the rest of my years beating myself up. I am going to adjust my thinking. I am creating a new cow path so to speak. I do not wanta live in a rut the rest of my life!
No! I’m going to explore, discover who I am, who He wants me to be!
I’m so thankful that I’m learning to identify that voice and access whether or not those words I hear in my head is helpful or hurtful then create a new strategy! Good growth is possible!
Be kind to yourself during this transition process. It’s not easy to climb up out of a rut you’ve been walking in for years. You’ll need to be strong to climb up over and out but you can do it! One step at a time! One day at a time!
The blooming apple tree, for me, signifies spring is indeed springing though this year there seems to be some confusion on this season if its coming or going. Its been warm then it gets really cold and even attempts to snow but that makes the seasons interesting in Kentucky! It’s never boring!
Just outside my office window this apple tree has beautiful blooms beginning with the buds then the opening plus there is a sweet, deep fragrence! Until just a few days ago I didn’t realize how lovely an apple tree smells.
For me for many long years I hated the apple tree! I dreaded to see the tree burst forth in bloom every spring with out fail. Yes, I know hate is a strong word but that’s how I felt.
That is until this year!
This year I decided to gain some control over those hateful feelings by confronting my memories associated with blooming apple trees!
You see, one of the first memories of my child abuse that returned was of me as a very young girl, laying naked on a clear sheet of plastic down in the backyard under a blooming apple tree. I remember disassociating thinking I was sitting up in that tree watching what was being done to that little girl by her uncle and grandmother thinking how horribly bad that was.
I so wanted to rescue that little girl!
I so wanted to protect her but I wasn’t able to!
I was that little girl!
April is National Child Abuse Awareness month and it’s the month apple trees are normally in bloom. Ironic.
So this week I walked out to the apple tree right outside my office window and had a good talk. I apologized to that little girl of long ago telling her how sorry I was she was ever hurt! I reminded her of her worth and value and that she was oh, so loved! And that she’s gonna do great things by telling her story to others so that they too can find their healing path!
And I spent time once again asking God to help me forgive those who had violated my being, my mind and my little girls body!
And to forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness against my abusers for so long, for not letting go of the pain and resentment sooner.
I chose on purpose to forgive them and move forward. There is way more peace in the forgiveness that in staying in the memories of the past.
Besides I’ve got way too much good to do! I’ve got more books to write! Words to share with others offering hope and help as they take necessary steps to overcome their painful past.
No one ever deserves to be abused! Ever!!
The trauma effects of child abuse afterward can be life altering but they do not necessarily have to steal your life!
You can grow and heal from child abuse!
If you need someone to be your voice until you gain yours I’d be honored to do so!
I’d love to hear your story!
You can reach out to me at: email@example.com
I’ve written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, as a work of fiction based on a true story, mine!
Together we will become a force to be reckoned with!