Ecclesiastes 3 tells that there is a time and season for many things under Heaven. Right now this is my time of healing.
1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
But how do I heal?
That I do not know!
What is healing?
This is what google tells me, the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.
Wow…boy oh, do I need that!
And where do I even begin?
Was I ever healthy?
I’m honestly not sure!
I’ve had professionals tell me I should be in an insane asylum or dead because of the horrific amount of trauma I’ve experienced.
>Trafficked to men in the community until I was 11 years old to pay the ‘light bill‘ each month.
>Massive amounts of child abuse: physical, sexual, neglect, psychological.
>Given enemas’ over and over to ‘get the devil outta me’.
>Groomed to obey whatever ever was told to me.
And so much more.
I write about this and more in my latest book, House Full of Secrets: Human Trafficking and Redemption.
All of my books are available on Kindle or Amazon in paperback. A portion of all book sales goes to Broken Pieces No More Inc, a nonprofit my husband, a dear friend and I formed to raise awareness of child abuse and human trafficking.
Right now with all that’s going on I am stepping back from most areas and focusing on gaining my own deep, inner healing. If I’m not healed then I won’t be of much use to others. It is imperative that I gain my own healing as I want to be instrumental in helping others who have trod a similar path as I have. #healingispossible
We all need healing for we’ve all been hurt in some manner.
What are you hoping to heal within?
It is possible!
And you are not alone, no matter how much you or the enemy tries to convince you of..it’s a lie!
Never allow anyone to deny you this unique opportunity to gain that necessary healing either.
I pray you will be able to join me on a similar journey and grab hold of the healing you deserve.
I am pleased and excited to announce that my latest book, House Full of Secrets: Human Trafficking and Redemption, is now available in paperback and kindle. Any of my books may be purchased through Amazon.
This was a very hard book to write as I shared a great deal of my own personal story. And in it I share parts of my soul with you. Parts of my soul I’d never want anyone to see; yet, I truly believe that I need to share my truth in order that others may know the freedom and hope I now experience.
I shared secrets.
My book shares secrets. Deep, dark, evil ones!
Those secrets I’d been forced to keep as a child ‘or else‘.
Secrets I am finally finding my voice to speak out!
Proverbs 31:8-9 tells us to speak out for those who do not yet have their own voice with which to speak.
I am choosing to lend my voice to any one who needs it!
I speak about all forms of child abuse: neglect….my emotional and mental needs were neglected as well as often times I went hungry although we had plenty of food.
Physical abuse where I was hit either with switches until my little legs were bleeding or beaten with a belt, of course, where no bruises would show.
Verbal abuse was a constant of hearing what a horrible person I was, that I wasn’t ever wanted and how my mother so wished I’d of been a boy or never even born, called all sorts of vile named and more!
Sexual abuse has always been a part of who I am. Or rather who I was!
My mother and grandmother trafficked me out to men in the community to ‘help pay the monthly light bill’. This went on until I was eleven. It ended when I put a shotgun to my grandmother’s forehead threatening to shoot her if anyone ever touched me again!
The sexual and physical abuse stopped but the verbal/mental abuse grew even worse!
Now I have way more peace and hope than ever before in my life. I know Whose I am and I also know I’m okay!
I have gained a tremendous amount of healing for which I’m eternally thankful.
Life is so good!!
I have risen up out of the ashes more incredible than ever before.
I long to see others who are walking wounded gain their own personal healing and freedom.
This is a new and exciting time in my life. One where I am stepping out of my comfort zone doing things I’ve often dreamed about. Like speaking to anyone who’ll give a listen. Traveling and sharing my story so others can step into his or her own freedom!
This is a brand new path. I hope I’ll see you along the way.
I am available for speaking opportunities.
I have one local at a Celebrate Recovery spot at Faith. Hope. Love. Church of God in Somerset. Then I will be speaking in Winchester, Ohio at Daystar Christian Center on August 15th. And on October 9 and 10th I’ll be speaking at Lake Road Baptist Church in Morrow, Ohio.
I am available for conferences, workshops, clubs, schools, churches, organizations, etc. Wherever there is a need to help others share their secrets! I will be your voice!
What secrets have you been holding?
I’d love to hear from you.
You can let me know here or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
No one deserves to carry a burden of guilt and shame from being forced to keeping secrets!
There is freedom!!
I’m happier and more content now than I’ve ever been in my life!
This Sunday is the day set aside to celebrate mothers.
I’m seeing lots of commercials, shows, gift and card ideas for that special mother. While I do agree that honoring a mother is a grand thing to do, I want to speak to those who may not have a kind and healthy mother.
You see, I can relate to that indiviual.
My mother was abusive and anything but kind. For many years of my adult life I did what I thought others wanted me to do: Make the best out of a bad situation. Or, forgive and forget. Or stop replaying all the old hurts and just be nice. Or why can’t you just forgive her and be the good daughter?
Here’s a picture of my mom and I when I was around nine or ten years old.
I was a cute kid!
I’ve had people most of my life telling me things like, “Oh, you’re supposed to love your mother”; or, “after all, she’s your mother, she birthed you so the least you could do is take care of her”; or, “Well, maybe she was abused in her childhood, you don’t know, show some respect” and lots more!
That’s totally messed up!
I can’t find anywhere in my Bible telling me I must remain in an abusive relationship!
We can read several scriptures in the Word of how we’re to ‘honor our parents so our days will be long upon the earth’.
According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, honor is to regard or treat (someone) with admiration and respect : to regard or treat with honor. b : to give special recognition to : to confer honor on. 2a : to live up to or fulfill the terms of honor a commitment. It says nothing about remaining in an abusive relationship!
Even trying to articulate my thoughts and feelings on this topic is challenging.
And I do believe I honored my mother as best I could even though we had a very hard relationship. I can now better understand that she was just mirroring what she saw her own mother do. After talking with mom about whether or not she knew I was being abused as a child, she confessed, “Of course I knew! It happened to me! Why shouldn’t it happen to you too? You’re no better than I am!”
I’m so thankful I’ve gained much needed healing in this area. I still don’t have all the answers but the pain isn’t as bad as it has been either. My beloved understands that on this day I’ll probably wanta go hang out in nature, or spend the day with him alone…if our son and his family were near it’d be with them…but no, I just don’t make a big deal out of Mother’s Day.
For many, most I hope, Mother’s Day is a day to honor your mother. For me and others like me, not so much!
I’d never wish harm to my mother but I sure have wished she’d been a lot nicer and healthier.
On the very day she died the Hospice nurse came to me and asked, “Did you know your mother had been diagnosed with at least 12 different personalities?”
Well, no I sure didn’t but that explained so very much.
I did know she’d experienced a lot of child abuse herself. Two of her abusers were also my own, her mother and a brother! She was walking out learned behavior. She choose to repeat a pattern which can be unlearned and replaced with healthy behavior but she didn’t choose to walk that path. I choose to break that pattern!
Some years back I offered to help her find a good therapist to help her overcome so much pain and loss but she refused saying, “I’m just fine. It’s everyone else that has a problem.” Well, no, not so much!
So, on Mother’s Day I will be thankful for my son who made me a mother! I am very proud of him! He made me a mom!
I will also mourn the two babies I was not allowed to give birth to, Mary Grace and James Andrew, as they were ripped from my body at my mother’s insistence.
And I will be grateful for another year to celebrate the fact that with all I went through, I remain fairly healthy and sane. Well that last part could be debatable at times! lol
I will also celebrate another wonderful year with my beloved who makes me feel like a princess! I am deeply loved, well cared for and spoiled by my love!
If I were to give any words of comfort to any one hurting today because of an unhealthy mother it would be to forgive, simply forgive.
Nope! Not at all but oh, so necessary!
For that person?
For you and your family!
I used to believe that if I forgave those who’d hurt me that meant they were getting away with the wrongs they’d done scot free! I was wrong! Forgiving him or her for the terrible things they’d done to me was for me! Holding a grudge and wishing them bad was like me drinking poison, hoping they’d be sick or die. Silly right?
Forgiveness was for my freedom!
Jesus died on the cross for my freedom.
God says He will gain vengeance so I don’t have to worry about it.
I’m realizing I’m pretty stinkin’ alright! Others may not think so but that’s no big deal! Jesus does! My beloved does! That’s pretty amazing to me!
Today if your mother hurt you in anyway I am praying for you! I know it’s hard to let go of all those memories but I encourage you to do so. At least begin the process by opening up your hands so you’re not gripping the memories so tightly. Allow yourself to breath deeply knowing you are a good person! And remember, you are not your mother! Nor are you the abuse that was heaped on you!
You are a beautiful individual.
If this day is challenging I urge you to do something fun just for you. Let this day be for your healing and hope in a better tomorrow. It is possible!
Sometimes writing a particular book can be very challenging as it was with this one! Over the years whenever I’d teach or speak I rarely, if ever, shared about this traumatic event in my life.
Because it was far too personal and deeply painful.
You see, talking about the destruction of two of my babies just about ripped my heart right out of my chest. But as time marched on, as is written about in Ecclesiastes 3, I began to realize that maybe, just maybe, there was someone out there who needed to hear my story of hope. And my beloved husband was loving and encouraging me to put my story down on paper to share with the world at large. And so this book was birthed!
‘Finding Hope After Abortion: Honoring Mary Grace and James Andrew’ does just that. Published this year by Oak Tree Publishing and Consulting Company, my story is out there for all to read. And, yes, I’ve already received some hateful comments; however, I’ve also read some similar heart wrenching stories!
I wrote this book first to share God’s amazing power of forgiveness. I learned that I can and need to forgive others for all the pain that was heaped on me and, I learned that it’s just as necessary to learn to forgive myself. Forgiveness was hard! I didn’t wanta forgive anyone. In the beginning of that healing process, I believed if I forgave my mother and the doctor for the active role they both played in aborting my precious children it would excuse their actions. That was a lie.
I was a young teen girl when this happened in my life. I was deeply wounded and hurt. Carrying all that pain around for many years caused a lot of physical and emotional damage. Forgiving them actually removed the power of those memories and enabled me to heal and grow as Jesus meant for me to do. He died on the cross so I can learn the power of forgiveness.
Now, forgiving me was another story. I have done so but I simply can not forget the fact that I do not, will not ever, have two little ones who were growing safely within my womb! Today, my babies would be in their mid-forty’s.
If you or someone you know has experienced an abortion I encourage you to find hope within the written pages of this book. You do not need to suffer alone.
If desired, anyone can obtain forgiveness.
Here’s what I did: I prayed asking Jesus to ‘forgive me for my part in the destruction of my babies. Forgive me and remove all the pain forever more. Help me to learn to love myself and others as I need to so I can grow.’
It was an ongoing process for me. Still is at times but I’m growing and it’s gonna be okay.
Do you believe you have overcome the pain of an abortion?
What steps have you taken to forgive others and yourself for this act?
Recently, my husband and I placed my mother under Hospice care. That was a hard decision! My mother and I have had a perilous relationship all my life. We never connected in a healthy mother-daughter relationship which has caused me to repeat many of those unhealthy learned behaviors. I’m thankful for those in my life and my relationship with Jesus for helping me see the need to create healthy behaviors and boundaries, and to quickly forgive! Nope…not always easy but necessary!
These past weeks as I’ve watched this woman who carried me in her womb and gave birth to me deteriorate, weaken, fall many times, retreat to her childhood, shrink back in morbid fear from whatever demons may be haunting her….I’ve realized I’ve been given a precious gift. And I grabbed it with both hands.
I have traced child abuse back five generations on both sides of my family. Abuse has been a generational curse but for me, it has stopped. I’ve had to do a lot of forgiving but it’s necessary if I am to gain healing and freedom. I chose to forgive my mother which has also led me to forgive her mother and even her mother for not knowing how to bestow on each daughter, in turn, healthy nurturing a mother should be able to willingly do.
We become what we are taught in our childhood whether good or bad. When we are children it is never our fault for the bad things that happen. But when we become an adult, it is our responsibility to seek our Father’s healing through prayer, studying the Word, and seeking godly counselors with an on purpose determination to overcome the lies of the enemy to become the man or woman God designed us to be.
I found this article in Psychology Today about the wounds daughters receive when the mother-daughter relationship is unhealthy.
We as mothers do have the ability to turn things around. It is our responsibility to gain healing for ourselves plus teach our daughters and granddaughters how wonderfully special they are! It’s time to stop the cycle of teaching them they are worthless or stupid and will never amount to anything and so much worse! Those are lies from the enemy! Search the Word of God to gain His truth of what He says about you and your children!
For the past several weeks when we’ve visited my mom we’ve been blessed with some good visits: Not all visits have been good. When she’s been alert, she has given us a very special gift! She has apologized to my beloved husband and myself for the hurts she’s caused in our life!
(There have been many wounds that have created a deep chasm down through the fabric of time that can never be changed nor the consequences for those actions. But we learn what we can to grow into a better person and make the choice to not repeat the cycle.)
That for me is huge!! I view these conversations as a sweet gift from God to redeem the past and apply the balm of Gilead to those wounds my soul has carried for many years. And healing my mother’s soul!
I have no idea when she will pass. Doctors say it could happen today or several months from now. She has two large blood clots in her lungs. She’s beginning to eat less and falls frequently. It hurts my heart to see her having to live this way but I know God’s got it! I’m thankful for the blessings I’ve been given. Doesn’t mean it hurts less for I still have a lot of emotional pain but I’m learning to let go and give it to Him! And I am grateful for every visit I get with her especially when she’s alert and we can laugh and enjoy being together!
I’ve made her funeral plans. I know some may think that morbid but I’d rather do it now when there’s less stress than wait till the time is here when the stress will be greater. She says she’s ready to go and is leaving the arrangements up to my husband and me. It will be a sweet home-going! I plan to speak at her home-doing celebration to share the positive things about her and to share also that mental health is so very important!
When you grow up hearing such ugly words from your mother plus all the other abuses, it rips your soul especially from a mother to a daughter. But when you do receive the opportunity to hear your mother look you squarely in the eye and say, “I am sorry I hurt you!” Or, “You are so beautiful!” Or, “I’m so proud of you!” Or, “I know your books are going to help so many people!” It makes your soul gain deep inner healing and soar as it was meant to be!
I am praying for the relationship you have with your mother, whether she’s alive or passed, whether you’re a son or daughter! It matters! I care! May God through His precious Son, Jesus Christ, touch your soul in a deep way to bring healing!
Please feel to follow us in our new group, Broken Pieces No More, on facebook.
I woke this morning refreshed and energized, even excited! My body is tired but my mind renewed and for that, I am very thankful. You see, over the past four days my world has turned upside down so to speak. On Friday, the nursing home where my mother stays had to have her transported to the Emergency Room. There, after testing, they discovered two large blood clots, one on each lung. After consulting with the doctor he told us that she would probably be gone before morning. She’d refused medicine and even the oxygen that was vital for her living.
We all need our momma!
Wow! What a shock! I’d contacted our son who lives 700 miles away. The doctor told us he didn’t believe our son could get to the hospital in time before my mother passed. Goodness! So my husband and I prepare for the finality of her home-going as best we can. We stayed at the hospital until late in the night when she grew agitated so we left thinking maybe we were causing her to not rest.
The next morning I hadn’t received a call that she’d passed so we were kinda shocked and even more so when we got to the unit where she was only to see her standing at the nurses’ station talking with them. Oh, my goodness! This woman sure is tough!
After a consult with the doctor, who was as shocked as we were of her continuing to live given the conditions of her lungs, we decided the best route to take would be to have Hospice give her comfort care for her last days. So later in the day, they transported her back to the nursing home.
We and the doctor asked her repeatedly if she’d like the medicine that would prolong her life. Her response was, “No, I want to go home!” Well, I’m thinking to the home she grew up in. So I ask her, “Mom, what home?”
She responds, “I wanta go to Heaven to see Jesus and Tommy! (My stepdad.)
As my husband and I have daily visited her we have been very shocked at her mood. She laughs, she jokes and we enjoy being with her. At our last visit, she was tracking well and in a good mood. Some things were mentioned about the past where there’d been some deep heart woundings for both my husband and me. She looked at my husband and said, “I’m so sorry! Will you ever forgive me?” Wow…and yes he has and told her so.
Then the conversation shifted to some rough years I’d had to endure at her manipulating after my husband I were separated long years ago. (We are now remarried. He is my precious soulmate!) She looked at me and said, “And that was my fault and I’m so sorry you were hurt!” Again, wow!!!
And we’ve talked about the books I’m writing. She asked me to remind her of my first one. I told her it was about the child abuse I’d experienced. “And the second”, she asked.
“It’s about the domestic violence I experienced”, I replied.
She paused a few minutes then looked up at me and said, “Your books will help a lot of people!” Wow…just wow!
My point in all of this is never give up! Pray for God’s redemption and restoration. My mother is dying. It could be today or a few months from now but she is indeed dying. I know God has blessed us with a very special gift. I believe I am seeing what my mother woulda been like had she not gone through her own horrific abuse! She made bad choices, we all have; however, she did not gain the healing needed to overcome brokenness from the past.
We all need freedom and forgiveness!
I encourage you, forgive those who have hurt you! Please don’t waste precious time! None of us are guaranteed of tomorrow. You may not be able to have a healed relationship with them because they may still be too toxic but you can walk in the sweet benefits of forgiving! Forgiveness is for you so you may live your life in victory and freedom and sweet healing!
I would love to hear your story of how you have been able to forgive!
For me….I had to….
1. Ask God to give me the want to, to even begin to forgive!
It wasn’t easy and took lots of practice! I knew Jesus had forgiven me and it was necessary for me to do the same to others who’d hurt me.
2. I had to remember I am not ruled or lead by my emotions but His truth.
There were many days on top of many days when I did not ‘feel’ like forgiving her or anyone who’s abused me. That doesn’t make it so. I had to remember, sometimes even as I was screaming and kicking my way through the mess, that His truth would set me free!
3. I needed to accept I was worth forgiving!
So many times those of us who have been hurt through abuse often feel unworthy. We struggle with whether or not anyone could ever really love us because we feel so dirty. Those are lies from the devil! He wants us to stay in bondage so he can lead us down a very dark, destructive path. He is a lier!!
In accepting I am worth forgiving it is often easier to then forgive others as well as self!
Jesus paid a very high price for my freedom: With His very life!
I am learning that I am indeed worth loving and forgiving myself because my Jesus says so! And so are you!
I’ve learned if those secrets aren’t told, if they’re not allowed to be released then our body and mind will become infected! It’s been proven that many of our physical issues can be traced back to our holding onto secrets.
Secrets are poison!
I recently posted 3 physical areas I fought to overcome due to many years of childhood trauma. There is a vital connection.
I’m learning the freedom of telling my #secrets though not everyone is able to do so.
That’s one reason I am a #voiceforthevoiceless because not everyone has yet found his or her voice.
And not always is it easy for me to share my secrets. When I share it makes me very vunerable; however, I know how vitally important it is to speak the truth!
#Truth brings healing and freedom and a deep compassion for others who are hurting.
But it’s not all fun and good vibes! I get hate mail through emails and message on social media but I figure that’s just a few obstacles in my path.
I woke up this morning from a dream where I was talking out loud and weeping. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t get the dream outta my consciousness so I just got up and poured my first cup of steaming hot coffee of the day.
In the dream I was a young teenager. I was standing in the principle’s office at my high school looking at a lot of fellow students through a large glass window while holding the desk microphone talking. And I was crying.
I woke up saying, “All I ever wanted was a mom to love me and accept me just as I am!”
In the dream as I’m emotionally talking suddenly the door opens and a young teen girl with long blonde hair comes towards me saying, “You have to stop talking now! You’re causing a lot of trouble!”
(No clue the importance of hair color but it was a strong image.)
This young girl was reaching towards me trying to take the Mic away from me telling me that I had to “be quiet!”
“You’re telling too much! You’ve gotta be quiet! You’ve shared too many things!”
But somehow I knew I couldn’t be quiet any longer! I had to tell my truth!
You see not long before this event I’d been raped at the football field and ended up pregnant. My mother convinced the doctor that I needed an abortion otherwise I’d go crazy and hurt myself or the baby! So they make this plan and in a few weeks I’m no longer pregnant.
I’d tried ever so hard to protect my unborn babe. My mom knew I was pregnant before I ever told her. Yet still I desperately tried to protect my baby.
The day arrived when she drove me to another city where I was scheduled to get my abortion. I was so scared but had been taught to obey whatever my mother said no matter what!
There was severe punishment if I didn’t obey.
My name was called and I was taken to an office where a well dressed woman talked to me about the “blob of flesh” they needed to remove. Not one time did she refer to the “blob” as a baby!
I was so confused and very scared! Moments later a nurse comes in to lead me down the hallway to an exam room. She has me to undress then lay on the exam table then gives me a shot.
In a short time a man in a white coat comes in and has me to put my feet in the stirrups at the foot of the exam table. I’m not sure what he’s doing but the most excruiting pain hits my abdomen. I cry out!
He tells me, not too nicely, “Just be still. It’ll be over soon!”
The pain was horrific!
I hear a vacuum like sound then a few minutes later a number of plopping sounds like something being dropped in a bucket of liquid.
It didn’t take long. The doctor leaves the room and the nurse tells me to get dressed. As I’m leaving the room I stumble over something. I look down and there on the floor at the end of the exam table is a five gallon bucket half filled with bloody looking blobs. I almost vomit!
My baby had ended up torn apart retchedly disposed of in a bucket of other babies torn apart and murdered!
I was sixteen years old.
That baby would now be 43 years old!
It’s taken a great deal of counseling, massive amounts of prayer, many sleepless nights, drugs, alcohol and more trying to move past the deep intense pain of what I’d done.
Now I have peace…oh not because of what I did but because I know God has forgiven me! It’s taken a lot for me to learn to let it go, to forgive myself and to use the horrible thing I did to hopefully help someone else!
If you’ve had an abortion there is forgiveness! And there can be peace.
Kari Kobe has a song out, The More I Seek You, that totally wrecks me!! I listen to it over and over.
We were all created for LOVE….to receive love, to give love! We were created with a deep need to be loved and accepted!
So many times that doesn’t happen in our lives. Maybe we had dysfunctional parents or care givers who were never taught this love thing therefore they did not teach their children how to love.
Have you ever watched an innocent child? They just love…openly…without hesitation. That’s simply how they were created!
Life comes along and many times stirs things up on the inside….changes our belief system…causes us to put up these gyhugic walls we think is for our protection. Funny thing bout walls is that yes, they will offer a form of protection keeping the bad out. They will also keep the good out and….they will keep us in!
For many years of my life I now realize I’ve lived my life behind these walls hoping for protection yet denying myself thw very thing was created for: Love!
I’d learned very early in my childhood that I was a bad person, dirty, nasty, unlovable….or so I thought! I was listening to and believing those lies!
I was wrong!
I was none of those things!
I’ve been learning I am the opposite..I am amazing…I am unique…I am loveable…I am worthy…I am able to give and receive love!
My beloved, my husband, has worked hard at helping me to tear down my walls. And yes they leave me very vulnerable but I am now feeling way more than ever before.
Love is real! Love can and often does hurt! Love is fulfilling!
You were made to love!
More importantly, you were made to be loved! You are lovely and so worth being loved!
You are uniquely you! There is not another person like you now or ever!
I encourage you to begin today tearing down your walls to let thw light of love in! You don’t have to live a lifeless life…real, true, life changing love!
Learning to love myself has been a great challenge for I was taught from birth I was worthless and unloved and unlovable!
Ahhh…but I am discovering what a lier all those folks were! However I’ve also discovered it’s so much easier to listen to and believe those lies than to expel them and believe God’s truth about who I am!
Chances are the same holds true for you!
I often ponder on why we’re wired that way…why does it seem easier, less hard work, simpler to take in, absorb, allow those lies to become a part of our innermost being?
Maybe one reason is that if we are not taught from birth of our worth then we will have a stronger perpensity of believing those lies. And seemingly those lies are always sprinkled with a bit of sugar, a smidge of truth that will help the vile taste of the core lies go down better.
But we do not live in a Mary Poppins kinda world. The world in qhich we live in today is full of rage and hate and longing! Yes I believe we’re all, each and every one of us, are all longing just to be loved and accepted!
Accepted in the beloved! Loved for who we really are deep down on the inside we may carey a different belief.
But wait….if you knew the real me you might not like who I really am. If you knew just how frequently I fight fear or unworthiness or self doubt or those dark thoughts of suicide you probably would never wanta talk to me again.
So I’ll throw on my pretty, happy mask and I’ll paint myself up just so you’ll accept me and I’ll buy the push up bra and I’ll have my skin baked to a golden glow and I’ll get many of my body parts pierced or tattooed and so on and so on!! (Guys do the same thing!)
But I digress….
I’m learning to love and appreciate my own quirkiness. I can’t help it if you don’t! That’s on you not me!
I need to love and appreciate me so I can rise up and be what I’ve been called to be. Same as you do!
How can we truly learn to love others if we first don’t love our self!?!
3 Ways I’m Learning to Love Me
1. Listen to my inner messages
I’ve come to realize there’s no way I’d speak to another person as I have myself! So I’m learning to catch these self defeating words quicker and replace the negative with a more positive, truthful message!
2. Forgive Me Quicker
Oh gracious this is a hard one for me!!
I’m still punishing myself over something that happened almost 40 years ago. I know its wrong but have felt I needed to do this!
The Word tells us to be quick to forgive. Well I’m learning that applies to me the same as anyone else!
3. Do Something Daily for Me
Doesn’t need to cost anything nor take a lot of time. It is important that I chose on purpose to daily show my inner self, the little girl within, that I value who I am!
Maybe I take my first hot cup of coffee outside and breath in the new morning.
Maybe I take an afternoon nap.
Maybe I indulge myself with a good chocolate treat.
Maybe I linger longer in a warm hug from my beloved!
Whatever it may be I need to do one thing for me daily!
I encourage you to begin today learning to love and appreciate you! You are worth it and so very important!
I’d love to hear your story!
Drop me a line here.
You can also follow me on Facebook at: Author Pamela Richards-Woodall