You Were Meant for Love

Kari Kobe has a song out, The More I Seek You, that totally wrecks me!! I listen to it over and over.

We were all created for LOVE….to receive love, to give love! We were created with a deep need to be loved and accepted!

So many times that doesn’t happen in our lives. Maybe we had dysfunctional parents or care givers who were never taught this love thing therefore they did not teach their children how to love.

Have you ever watched an innocent child? They just love…openly…without hesitation. That’s simply how they were created!

But…..

Life comes along and many times stirs things up on the inside….changes our belief system…causes us to put up these gyhugic walls we think is for our protection. Funny thing bout walls is that yes, they will offer a form of protection keeping the bad out. They will also keep the good out and….they will keep us in!

For many years of my life I now realize I’ve lived my life behind these walls hoping for protection yet denying myself thw very thing was created for: Love!

I’d learned very early in my childhood that I was a bad person, dirty, nasty, unlovable….or so I thought! I was listening to and believing those lies!

I was wrong!

I was none of those things!

I’ve been learning I am the opposite..I am amazing…I am unique…I am loveable…I am worthy…I am able to give and receive love!

My beloved, my husband, has worked hard at helping me to tear down my walls. And yes they leave me very vulnerable but I am now feeling way more than ever before.

Love is real! Love can and often does hurt! Love is fulfilling!

You were made to love!

More importantly, you were made to be loved! You are lovely and so worth being loved!

You are uniquely you! There is not another person like you now or ever!

I encourage you to begin today tearing down your walls to let thw light of love in! You don’t have to live a lifeless life…real, true, life changing love!

You are worthy!

You are loved!

I’d love to hear your story!

I am praying for you!

Drop me a line at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

Secrets in the Hollers, book 1

I #amwriting on Secrets Exposed, part 2 in the Secret series.

This series exposes those dirty little secrets that often go on behind closed doors No One wants to really talk about! This series is written as a work of fiction based on a true story….mine!

Noone should ever have to live through fear and abuse and shame and pain and more!

Especially our precious children!

If you’d like to purchase book 1, Secrets in the Hollers, in book form you may contact me at Oaktreepub@yahoo.com. Or you may purchase one for your e-reader at Amazon Kindle.

I am also available to help meet your training needs on various topics including surviving traumatic child abuse, healing from abuse and domestic violence issues.

I look forward to hearing from you!!

In my first book I share trauma from my childhood that really messed me up for years.

I am now into some very determined and deep healing!

I’ve fought depression…. anxiety….suicidal thoughts and much more. I refuse to allow those who decided to steal my innocence the power to keep me all cowered down in shame!

In my first book I share how I’ve learned to overcome many pains from my past.

I have them for sale or you may purchase from Amazon Kindle.

You are beautiful!

You are loved!

Don’t let others determine your progress!

I have fought and continue to fight my own personal demons though I know I am walking in a healthier path now more than ever! I pray and hope the same for you!

Enjoy today!

You deserve the very best you you can be!

You are fan-tabulous!

Forgiving myself has been and continues to be the hardest but I am determined to do so!

Yes, you are indeed enough!!

I’d love to hear your story!

I’m also available for speaking opportunities to share my incredible story of hope in creating a life of happiness after horrific abuse!

Give me a holler!!

Pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

On facebook….

Author Pamela Richards-Woodall

I Used to Hate Mother’s Day

I used to hate Mothers Day! Until this weekend when Poppa God spoke very clearly to me that it was actually a choice I had! We all have choices to make.

Why did I hate Mother’s Day?

Because I felt I’d been cheated!

I felt I’d missed out on the fairy tale of having that sweet experience of having a loving mother to protect me from all the bad things in this world.

I did not have that at all so for many years I’d felt sorry for my self! Ahhh poor little me!

Yes, it did and has greatly hurt that I didn’t get to have that better experience; however, please allow me to share three (3) important things my mom did teach me!

1. Look for Hidden Treasures

My mom is now in a nursing home so being an only child I’ve acquired her personal effects. Last fall I was going through one of her many totes of stuff and found one stuffed full of my things!! Yes! My things!

There were baby bottles, a cloth diaper with diaper pins. Many little outfits… some of which she’d sewn herself from the feed sack material she got with huge bags of feed for the goats she raised. Those goats helped provide meat and milk for her, my grandmother and me!

And several pairs of my little shoes. There were several of my toys and books. And gobs of pictures! From birth all the way into my young adulthood. Oh goodness! I’m looking forward to creating a scrapbook of her memories with me!

Those my friends were hidden treasures I will forever cherish!

I grew up thinking my mother didn’t love me because of all the abuse that happened to me. But I believe she loved me the best she knew how, from the way she’d been taught.

Sidenote: I’ve gained more truth down through the years of how she too suffered abuse as a young child for many years!

2. Perseverance is Key

My mom was a hard worker. She worked cleaning peoples houses and often times being treated disrespectfully! But she worked. She also went back to night school when I was around nine years old to get her GED. Later she went on to obtain her CNA training!

She helped around the old home place raising huge gardens, raising goats and chickens all the while with very little help or money. Yep we were poor but I lived through it and learned a lot!

She kept going!

I have learned it takes hard work to overcome the lies of an abusive childhood!

I did not give up!

3. What NOT to do!

I was about 14 years old. We were standing in the kitchen. It was summer. I’d asked to go hang out with some of my friends. She told me ‘no’ and I smarted off so she hauled off and slapped the fire outta my left cheek.

I remember so clearly thinking that when I grew up and had kids and a family they’d always know I loved em!

In looking back there are many choices I’d made differently in my motherhood, yet I did the best I knew how to do! Without a doubt I know God helped me to grow!

I did not pass on that generational curse of abuse!

I did not withhold my love!

I did not not tell my son how much I loved him and how proud of him I was and am!!

I am choosing to celebrate today being a momma to a fabulous son and all the spiritual children Poppa God’s blessed me with!

I’m choosing to celebrate the mother I have dispute all the imperfections!

Because of her I am alive and experiencing the amazing life I’ve been blessed with!

I have an over the top husband and family!

I am one majorly blessed woman!

I pray you mothers today no matter what your circumstances will have a sweet peaceful day!

Under the Spreading Apple Tree….it happened

(Possible trigger warning)

The blooming apple tree, for me, signifies spring is indeed springing though this year there seems to be some confusion on this season if its coming or going. Its been warm then it gets really cold and even attempts to snow but that makes the seasons interesting in Kentucky! It’s never boring!

Just outside my office window this apple tree has beautiful blooms beginning with the buds then the opening plus there is a sweet, deep fragrence! Until just a few days ago I didn’t realize how lovely an apple tree smells.

For me for many long years I hated the apple tree! I dreaded to see the tree burst forth in bloom every spring with out fail. Yes, I know hate is a strong word but that’s how I felt.

That is until this year!

This year I decided to gain some control over those hateful feelings by confronting my memories associated with blooming apple trees!

You see, one of the first memories of my child abuse that returned was of me as a very young girl, laying naked on a clear sheet of plastic down in the backyard under a blooming apple tree. I remember disassociating thinking I was sitting up in that tree watching what was being done to that little girl by her uncle and grandmother thinking how horribly bad that was.

I so wanted to rescue that little girl!

I so wanted to protect her but I wasn’t able to!

I was that little girl!

April is National Child Abuse Awareness month and it’s the month apple trees are normally in bloom. Ironic.

So this week I walked out to the apple tree right outside my office window and had a good talk. I apologized to that little girl of long ago telling her how sorry I was she was ever hurt! I reminded her of her worth and value and that she was oh, so loved! And that she’s gonna do great things by telling her story to others so that they too can find their healing path!

And I spent time once again asking God to help me forgive those who had violated my being, my mind and my little girls body!

And to forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness against my abusers for so long, for not letting go of the pain and resentment sooner.

I chose on purpose to forgive them and move forward. There is way more peace in the forgiveness that in staying in the memories of the past.

Besides I’ve got way too much good to do! I’ve got more books to write! Words to share with others offering hope and help as they take necessary steps to overcome their painful past.

No one ever deserves to be abused! Ever!!

The trauma effects of child abuse afterward can be life altering but they do not necessarily have to steal your life!

You can grow and heal from child abuse!

If you need someone to be your voice until you gain yours I’d be honored to do so!

I’d love to hear your story!

You can reach out to me at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

I’ve written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, as a work of fiction based on a true story, mine!

Together we will become a force to be reckoned with!

Together we can help move many mountains!

#Iamavoiceforthevoiceless

May you have a sweet, peaceful day!

You are loved!

You are a beautiful and unique individual!

You were created for a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11) to do great and mighty things to become a world changer!

You are valued and worthy!

You are delightful and a loving individual!

May today be your special day you sense great and mighty love and acceptance!

#iamavoiceforthevoiceless

I Am Not My Anxiety!

Feelings.

Emotions.

Anxiety.

Truth.

Lies.

As I’ve grown older in my adulthood I’ve become more aware of these parts of me. I used to battle panic… fear…. anxiety….parinonia…and more most of my life.

I grew up in a very abusive and dysfunctional home so for me those things were normal. That is until I grew old enough to realize my home life was not normal even though for me it appeared to be so. They were not normal and caused great damage!

Many people I know who have experienced chronic childhood trauma still fight their inner demons….and may continue to do so the rest of their life. I know for me my battle has lessened yet I’m still alert to those triggers.

So many seem not to understand, or for whatever reason chose not to do so, that anxiety is very real! I so wish I never had to experience those feelings ever again.

Personally for me Jesus and my beloved husband have helped me to overcome and grow even more!

I’m so very thankful I don’t have those terrible attacks as frequently as I used to but they’re still there…just beneath the surface of my soul.

Some say I’ll always have them….I dunno. What matters to me is that I am healing and growing and that is possible one step at a time!

If you know someone who deals with anxiety or panic attacks be kind. Don’t tell that person to just get over it or shake it off or to read more scripture and pray harder. Those are really lame things to say!!

When I’m having an anxiety attack its embarrassing because I certainly do not want you to see me at my weakest. Nor do I want your pity.

Just sit with me. Be there for me. Try to distract me. Assure me it will soon pass. (I had a severe one not long ago that lasted bout 5 hours. Longest one in ages!)

Just love and accept me. My anxiety is not something you can catch! Its mine! Although it is loosening its hold on me.

If I have anxiety the rest of my life, so be it! Even so, I will life my life to the fullest because I refuse to allow those who ripped my innocence from my soul any more power!

I am choosing to be a Voice for the Voiceless!

It is time!

Follow me at: Author Pamela Richards-Woodall on Facebook and on Twitter.

I’ve released my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, which is a great story and resource of how a young girl searches and finds her help and hope in overcoming a very painful past!

You may contact my publisher, Oak Tree Publishing Company, at oaktreepub@yahoo.com to purchase a copy.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Ristrictions No More

She allowed her fingers to gently skim the surface of the glistening pool slightly distorting her image that briefly reflected back at her. The water, cool and wet, beckoned her to enter into its murky depths enticing her to cast off forever the restrictions that had been placed around her many years ago.

She felt the fire within her being that could enable her to rip off those preconceived restrictions but how? How did she make that happen? That seemed so far outta her reach. She knew they were there, those unseen restrictions places on her by them, those who were supposed to have been her guardians.

But restriction covered her tightly in its unseen garments that had irritated her tender skin and kept her bound since the beginning of her time. Restrictions enacted by them, by the guardians who were to be her protectors had not had her best interest in mind at all.

These restrictions had held tight to her tender, young flesh; pulling, poking and prodding until she thought at times she would surely lose her grip on reality, surely she would lose her mind and end up dead or in an insane asylum.

There were those few times she thought, hoped with everything in her being that she’d finally be free, but sadly she was mistaken, lied to, fooled, tricked all over time and time again! When would she ever taste the sweetness of freedom?

She ached to be released yet she did not realize how very bound up she really was. Oh, to be able to make her own decisions for her own body, her own mind! But no! Someone else was always just a breath away who seemed to hold that ability.

When the earth shook around her in her young years she clinched her body so tightly it quivered; some tried to believe it was with excitement but she felt like a bowl full of red, angry jello.

Even now as an adult she still felt thus in certain settings. Those settings others never knew about nor would have understood. She longed to break out of all her restrictions. She ached to share but she rarely did. She longed to be carefree, to play in the rain, to chase fireflies, to engage with her mystical self but she dared not. She longed to allow the real part of her core person to come forth but she must protect that one with every fiber of her being.

Others were watching and she never knew when they would once again pounce on her forcing their heavy restrictions over her yet again. No, it was better to not let herself long for the sweet taste of freedom and wonder how the sweet, cool water would feel as it gently flowed past her cool skin.

But yet, this could not be, this carrying of the restriction, what was meant for her as the Teacher whom she’d met years ago had assured her if she’d but follow Him then He would show her great mysteries to unfold; He would enable her to rip the scab off of long held secrets that had a cancer like quality that oozed poison into ones body and soul.

No, she had to hold on and put her trust in Him. He had said He would enable her to grow stronger and braver so she would wait and allow this to unfold.

She would not enter into the murky waters depths this day. This day she would stand in the sun there on the bank and allow the heat to burn those areas of resisting from off her being. She would force herself to withstand the burning of refining fire as she grew stronger and her armor became more intact. She would allow herself to be made into a warrior to be useful in leading others to throw off their own restrictions and together they would build up a vital army!

Yes, today she would bask in the fiery heat as she knew she was being moulded onto a stronger core being of herself!

Soon she would emerge as the warrior she’d been destined to be those thousands of years ago!

#warriorrisingup

#iamavoiceforthevoiceless

#secretsnomore

Fab Friday

No, I suppose not everyone would be able to declare today being fabulous. Sad isn’t it?!

Mine’s been ok. Here it’s very cold. I don’t do cold well. I’ve often joked I musta been born in the wrong part of the country cuz I’d do much better in the South! Even so, I am ever so grateful for our warm home to work in as I continue my book writing and doing various household tasks.

However warm weather is soon to arrive and with it gardening, picnics, hiking, and more outdoor stuff. I really like being outside more than inside. That is if its lots warmer.

I hope your Friday has been kind to you and that you’ve felt safe and protected.

Finally I can say without a doubt I now live my life with that warm, fuzzy feeling of safety and protection! That’s mainly because I’m now married to my soulmate and am where I’m supposed to be, where I was supposed to have been many years ago but sadly circumstances changes that path for us! (Another book to be written!) And I’m loved beyond reason which is affording me the opportunity to experience returning that true love. And I’m loving!

When you have experienced childhood sexual abuse its often very hard to ever have that true sense of safety and protection. It is possible! And its hard to allow yourself to accept another’s love for you. It is possible!

One reason this is a fab Friday for me is knowing at the end of the work day my beloved will return and I will once again feel complete.

I firmly believe, for me at least, being married to this incredible man has given me much needed strength to face those demons of my past and see them slayed once and for all! And my beloved has greatly helped! Him and Jesus!

Personally I figure I’ll be battling demons the rest of my life. My perspective now has simply changed. I am ready to fight for others who have suffered childhood sexual abuse!

You see, it took me many years stuffed full of guilt, shame and condemnation from the many years of traumatic abuse I experienced to finally taste that sweet deliverance! It was a long hard fight to gain the sweet healing and freedom I now walk in! And I guard it closely!

If you are a victim of childhood sexual abuse you are not alone! And there is hope…and freedom…and healing and so much more for you to experience!

I’m here to listen to your story!Sometimes a listening ear is so important! Know that someone does care and believes!

I will be your voice until yours grows stronger!

#iamavoiceforthevoiceless

#secretsnomore

*I have written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers published by Oak Tree Publishing, sharing some of my own experience and how hope set me free!

Let me know if you’d like a copy. They are $18.05 plus shipping.

Dare to Dream

Many years ago I often dreamed of being far, far away on some exciting adventure! I’d write my dreams into short stories for my eyes only. Now, I am experiencing my dream of writing coming true for all to read!

Don’t allow anyone to steal your dream!

Secrets in the Hollers pic

 

Oak Tree Publishing, a new company, did a great job publishing my book, the first in a three part series. And I am now seeing my dream come true of reading what I’ve written in book form. How incredible it is to hold this book knowing I wrote those words!

If you know someone who works in the mental health field, is a physician, children’s pastor, teacher then this book could become a great asset! The Secret series is written in fictional form to highlight how one young worked hard to overcome the monsters that weren’t just under her bed but in her bed. You can follow Kenzy throughout her life as she discovers that there really is hope to be had when she begins making healthier choices as she makes the effort to deal with her painful past gaining fresh perspective and insight.

If you have any questions let me know or if you’d like to order a book, hit me up with that too.

Don’t forget to dream!