#peaceindeath

I woke this morning refreshed and energized, even excited! My body is tired but my mind renewed and for that, I am very thankful. You see, over the past four days my world has turned upside down so to speak. On Friday, the nursing home where my mother stays had to have her transported to the Emergency Room. There, after testing, they discovered two large blood clots, one on each lung. After consulting with the doctor he told us that she would probably be gone before morning. She’d refused medicine and even the oxygen that was vital for her living.

We all need our momma!

adolescence adult beautiful bed

Wow! What a shock! I’d contacted our son who lives 700 miles away. The doctor told us he didn’t believe our son could get to the hospital in time before my mother passed. Goodness! So my husband and I prepare for the finality of her home-going as best we can. We stayed at the hospital until late in the night when she grew agitated so we left thinking maybe we were causing her to not rest.

The next morning I hadn’t received a call that she’d passed so we were kinda shocked and even more so when we got to the unit where she was only to see her standing at the nurses’ station talking with them. Oh, my goodness! This woman sure is tough!

After a consult with the doctor, who was as shocked as we were of her continuing to live given the conditions of her lungs, we decided the best route to take would be to have Hospice give her comfort care for her last days. So later in the day, they transported her back to the nursing home.

We and the doctor asked her repeatedly if she’d like the medicine that would prolong her life. Her response was, “No, I want to go home!” Well, I’m thinking to the home she grew up in. So I ask her, “Mom, what home?”

She responds, “I wanta go to Heaven to see Jesus and Tommy! (My stepdad.)

As my husband and I have daily visited her we have been very shocked at her mood. She laughs, she jokes and we enjoy being with her. At our last visit, she was tracking well and in a good mood. Some things were mentioned about the past where there’d been some deep heart woundings for both my husband and me. She looked at my husband and said, “I’m so sorry! Will you ever forgive me?” Wow…and yes he has and told her so.

Then the conversation shifted to some rough years I’d had to endure at her manipulating after my husband I were separated long years ago. (We are now remarried. He is my precious soulmate!) She looked at me and said, “And that was my fault and I’m so sorry you were hurt!” Again, wow!!!

And we’ve talked about the books I’m writing. She asked me to remind her of my first one. I told her it was about the child abuse I’d experienced. “And the second”, she asked.

“It’s about the domestic violence I experienced”, I replied.

She paused a few minutes then looked up at me and said, “Your books will help a lot of people!” Wow…just wow!

My point in all of this is never give up! Pray for God’s redemption and restoration. My mother is dying. It could be today or a few months from now but she is indeed dying. I know God has blessed us with a very special gift. I believe I am seeing what my mother woulda been like had she not gone through her own horrific abuse! She made bad choices, we all have; however, she did not gain the healing needed to overcome brokenness from the past.

landscape nature africa boy
Photo by Julian Jagtenberg on Pexels.com

We all need freedom and forgiveness!

I encourage you, forgive those who have hurt you! Please don’t waste precious time! None of us are guaranteed of tomorrow. You may not be able to have a healed relationship with them because they may still be too toxic but you can walk in the sweet benefits of forgiving! Forgiveness is for you so you may live your life in victory and freedom and sweet healing!

I would love to hear your story of how you have been able to forgive!

For me….I had to….

1. Ask God to give me the want to, to even begin to forgive!

It wasn’t easy and took lots of practice! I knew Jesus had forgiven me and it was necessary for me to do the same to others who’d hurt me.

2. I had to remember I am not ruled or lead by my emotions but His truth.

There were many days on top of many days when I did not ‘feel’ like forgiving her or anyone who’s abused me. That doesn’t make it so. I had to remember, sometimes even as I was screaming and kicking my way through the mess, that His truth would set me free!

3. I needed to accept I was worth forgiving!

So many times those of us who have been hurt through abuse often feel unworthy. We struggle with whether or not anyone could ever really love us because we feel so dirty. Those are lies from the devil! He wants us to stay in bondage so he can lead us down a very dark, destructive path. He is a lier!!

In accepting I am worth forgiving it is often easier to then forgive others as well as self!

Jesus paid a very high price for my freedom: With His very life!

I am learning that I am indeed worth loving and forgiving myself because my Jesus says so! And so are you!

selective focus photography of monarch butterfly perched on marigold flower
Photo by Katie Burandt on Pexels.com

Feel free to drop a line to Broken Pieces No More PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502 or you may email to brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com

Listening but Not Hearing #nomoresecrets

I tried to tell but no one would listen!

I tried to make some noise to get their attention but they all seemed too busy to hear!

I tried to but it never seemed to be enough!

I tried.

things i can t say out load book on green textile
Photo by Ann H on Pexels.com

And when I did make a decision, when I did decide I’d had enough they began to listen.

Then they decided to not hear the truth, my truth, and they listened with tainted ears.

When I finally told they called me a lier!

When I finally decided I could no longer stay they said I was wrong!

When I finally gained enough courage to walk away they said I was a coward!

They did not know my truth!

woman walking on pathway while strolling luggage
Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi on Pexels.com

I’ve no doubt my truth is different from your truth! Is that okay? I’m not so sure but I know you’ll need to live with your truth the best you can. I will certainly live with mine!

And my truth has #secretsnomore !

woman with blonde hair at the top of the mountain raising her hands
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

 

 

How my going #secretsnomore has helped to improve 3 physical issues

I held the #secrets inside my heart, my inner being, for so many years. And in doing so I became very sick. I suffered from various forms of stomach issues and other physical junk.

1. I remember numerous doctors over my life time telling me I “have a nervous stomach”. I’ve dealt with diarrhea and constipation most of my life as well as intestinal issues.

2. I’ve fought severe headaches that have often put me to bed, lights out and everything quiet type pain.

3. I’ve dealt with chronic joint pain much of my life. Inside my body is a woman longing to escape the confines of skin and bone to go running through the forest unencumbered by any form of restraints…yes, maybe even butt naked!

No probably not literally but it would be so wonderful to walk my life’s path in total freedom. I do know I enjoy more liberty now than ever before! For that growth I am grateful!

*What physical issues have / are you dealing with because you’ve felt forced to keep the secrets?

Oh wouldn’t it be radical if we who have suffered childhood trauma learned that by releasing/telling the secrets we in fact would expedite our own healing and take back our power?!?

You can do your own research to confirm how emotional healing will in fact heal physical problems. I have and I also know from my own personal experience this is true.

#mentalhealth

#mindfulness

#lovemyself

#iamworthy

All of these are important to my well being and yours as well.

I chose to walk my healing path with Jesus leading the way for without Him I have no doubt I’d be either dead or in an insane asylum! I am so stinkin blessed!

What about you?

How are you gaining ground on your healing path?

I encourage you to take a step today towards your healing!

Why?

Because you my friend are so very worth the effort!

I’m praying for you this day!!

Have the best day you can have right where you’re at!

I’d love to hear from you!

Pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

Author Pamela Richards Woodall on face book

Radical or Calm Emotions? Which do you have?

It’s early morning as I write these words. I looked out earlier to discover a frost gently laying across our hills and valley. It is beautiful!

I used to not be an early morning person but for some reason as I’ve grown older….actually over this past year…I’ve realized a likening for early morning.

I fix my first cup of coffee, turn on the local news and journal a bit then read The Word and plan out my day.

I so need His Word to direct my day and calm my emotions. I clearly remember when I used to be lead by my radical emotions which often got me into trouble! Now I’m learning to tell my emotions to be quiet and give a listen to what The Spirit is saying to me! Keeps me outta trouble that way!

There is nothing wrong with emotions at all! I believe they are a beautiful gift from our Poppa God to us. He has emotions and we are made in His image so it stands to reason we will have them as well. However it is what we do with them that counts!

How many of you have been at the store and get to witness a child having a temper fit?

It’s not a pleasant experience for sure.

I wonder if our Poppa God looks at us when we’re throwing a temper fit cuz we didn’t get our way shaking His head?

Honestly there have been times when I’ve seen older children throw themselves on the floor frailing and thrashing about and I wanted to spank their bottom! That is not acceptable behavior!

Our Poppa God is a loving Heavenly Father and I believe He expects us to behave in a mature manner as we grow older.

And because He is a loving Father He will discipline us as needed. He does not think up ways to beat us over the head with a baseball bat; no, He loves us and will provide instructions to help guide us.

How do we keep our emotions under control instead of allowing them to control us?

1. Read His Word

The Bible is our life instruction book. We really have no excuse for not knowing how to behave or which way to go for it’s all in the Word! There are many examples of how we are to conduct our self all throughout these pages.

2. Wise Counsel

It’s so vitally important to have those who are mature in the Lord that are willing to journey with you on your path. But take care here, not everyone has your best interest at heart! Choose those mentors wisely! Ask Poppa who it is He’d have you counsel with.

3. Use Your Written Words

I have been journaling since I was a young girl. It’s been very beneficial for me to do so especially as I’ve gotten older to write down my thoughts. I am now able to see patterns of behavior, whether good or bad, that I can either enhance or chose to change.

So often we fear change which actually we’re fearful of the unknown. But again, if we are following hard after Poppa then we have nothing to fear!

I’m finally learning to face my fears by stopping and turning to face whatever fear it maybe and deal with it. No it’s not always easy and my emotions can get all whacked outta place but it is necessary if I intend to grow!

What emotions do you struggle with?

What are some of the ways you have learned to control your emotions?

I pray you have a beautiful day!!

#nomorefear

#secretsnomore

#secretsinthehollers

#V4VL

#iamavoiceforthevoiceless

You Were Meant for Love

Kari Kobe has a song out, The More I Seek You, that totally wrecks me!! I listen to it over and over.

We were all created for LOVE….to receive love, to give love! We were created with a deep need to be loved and accepted!

So many times that doesn’t happen in our lives. Maybe we had dysfunctional parents or care givers who were never taught this love thing therefore they did not teach their children how to love.

Have you ever watched an innocent child? They just love…openly…without hesitation. That’s simply how they were created!

But…..

Life comes along and many times stirs things up on the inside….changes our belief system…causes us to put up these gyhugic walls we think is for our protection. Funny thing bout walls is that yes, they will offer a form of protection keeping the bad out. They will also keep the good out and….they will keep us in!

For many years of my life I now realize I’ve lived my life behind these walls hoping for protection yet denying myself thw very thing was created for: Love!

I’d learned very early in my childhood that I was a bad person, dirty, nasty, unlovable….or so I thought! I was listening to and believing those lies!

I was wrong!

I was none of those things!

I’ve been learning I am the opposite..I am amazing…I am unique…I am loveable…I am worthy…I am able to give and receive love!

My beloved, my husband, has worked hard at helping me to tear down my walls. And yes they leave me very vulnerable but I am now feeling way more than ever before.

Love is real! Love can and often does hurt! Love is fulfilling!

You were made to love!

More importantly, you were made to be loved! You are lovely and so worth being loved!

You are uniquely you! There is not another person like you now or ever!

I encourage you to begin today tearing down your walls to let thw light of love in! You don’t have to live a lifeless life…real, true, life changing love!

You are worthy!

You are loved!

I’d love to hear your story!

I am praying for you!

Drop me a line at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

Secrets in the Hollers, book 1

I #amwriting on Secrets Exposed, part 2 in the Secret series.

This series exposes those dirty little secrets that often go on behind closed doors No One wants to really talk about! This series is written as a work of fiction based on a true story….mine!

Noone should ever have to live through fear and abuse and shame and pain and more!

Especially our precious children!

If you’d like to purchase book 1, Secrets in the Hollers, in book form you may contact me at Oaktreepub@yahoo.com. Or you may purchase one for your e-reader at Amazon Kindle.

I am also available to help meet your training needs on various topics including surviving traumatic child abuse, healing from abuse and domestic violence issues.

I look forward to hearing from you!!

In my first book I share trauma from my childhood that really messed me up for years.

I am now into some very determined and deep healing!

I’ve fought depression…. anxiety….suicidal thoughts and much more. I refuse to allow those who decided to steal my innocence the power to keep me all cowered down in shame!

In my first book I share how I’ve learned to overcome many pains from my past.

I have them for sale or you may purchase from Amazon Kindle.

You are beautiful!

You are loved!

Don’t let others determine your progress!

I have fought and continue to fight my own personal demons though I know I am walking in a healthier path now more than ever! I pray and hope the same for you!

Enjoy today!

You deserve the very best you you can be!

You are fan-tabulous!

Forgiving myself has been and continues to be the hardest but I am determined to do so!

Yes, you are indeed enough!!

I’d love to hear your story!

I’m also available for speaking opportunities to share my incredible story of hope in creating a life of happiness after horrific abuse!

Give me a holler!!

Pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

On facebook….

Author Pamela Richards-Woodall

I Used to Hate Mother’s Day

I used to hate Mothers Day! Until this weekend when Poppa God spoke very clearly to me that it was actually a choice I had! We all have choices to make.

Why did I hate Mother’s Day?

Because I felt I’d been cheated!

I felt I’d missed out on the fairy tale of having that sweet experience of having a loving mother to protect me from all the bad things in this world.

I did not have that at all so for many years I’d felt sorry for my self! Ahhh poor little me!

Yes, it did and has greatly hurt that I didn’t get to have that better experience; however, please allow me to share three (3) important things my mom did teach me!

1. Look for Hidden Treasures

My mom is now in a nursing home so being an only child I’ve acquired her personal effects. Last fall I was going through one of her many totes of stuff and found one stuffed full of my things!! Yes! My things!

There were baby bottles, a cloth diaper with diaper pins. Many little outfits… some of which she’d sewn herself from the feed sack material she got with huge bags of feed for the goats she raised. Those goats helped provide meat and milk for her, my grandmother and me!

And several pairs of my little shoes. There were several of my toys and books. And gobs of pictures! From birth all the way into my young adulthood. Oh goodness! I’m looking forward to creating a scrapbook of her memories with me!

Those my friends were hidden treasures I will forever cherish!

I grew up thinking my mother didn’t love me because of all the abuse that happened to me. But I believe she loved me the best she knew how, from the way she’d been taught.

Sidenote: I’ve gained more truth down through the years of how she too suffered abuse as a young child for many years!

2. Perseverance is Key

My mom was a hard worker. She worked cleaning peoples houses and often times being treated disrespectfully! But she worked. She also went back to night school when I was around nine years old to get her GED. Later she went on to obtain her CNA training!

She helped around the old home place raising huge gardens, raising goats and chickens all the while with very little help or money. Yep we were poor but I lived through it and learned a lot!

She kept going!

I have learned it takes hard work to overcome the lies of an abusive childhood!

I did not give up!

3. What NOT to do!

I was about 14 years old. We were standing in the kitchen. It was summer. I’d asked to go hang out with some of my friends. She told me ‘no’ and I smarted off so she hauled off and slapped the fire outta my left cheek.

I remember so clearly thinking that when I grew up and had kids and a family they’d always know I loved em!

In looking back there are many choices I’d made differently in my motherhood, yet I did the best I knew how to do! Without a doubt I know God helped me to grow!

I did not pass on that generational curse of abuse!

I did not withhold my love!

I did not not tell my son how much I loved him and how proud of him I was and am!!

I am choosing to celebrate today being a momma to a fabulous son and all the spiritual children Poppa God’s blessed me with!

I’m choosing to celebrate the mother I have dispute all the imperfections!

Because of her I am alive and experiencing the amazing life I’ve been blessed with!

I have an over the top husband and family!

I am one majorly blessed woman!

I pray you mothers today no matter what your circumstances will have a sweet peaceful day!

Under the Spreading Apple Tree….it happened

(Possible trigger warning)

The blooming apple tree, for me, signifies spring is indeed springing though this year there seems to be some confusion on this season if its coming or going. Its been warm then it gets really cold and even attempts to snow but that makes the seasons interesting in Kentucky! It’s never boring!

Just outside my office window this apple tree has beautiful blooms beginning with the buds then the opening plus there is a sweet, deep fragrence! Until just a few days ago I didn’t realize how lovely an apple tree smells.

For me for many long years I hated the apple tree! I dreaded to see the tree burst forth in bloom every spring with out fail. Yes, I know hate is a strong word but that’s how I felt.

That is until this year!

This year I decided to gain some control over those hateful feelings by confronting my memories associated with blooming apple trees!

You see, one of the first memories of my child abuse that returned was of me as a very young girl, laying naked on a clear sheet of plastic down in the backyard under a blooming apple tree. I remember disassociating thinking I was sitting up in that tree watching what was being done to that little girl by her uncle and grandmother thinking how horribly bad that was.

I so wanted to rescue that little girl!

I so wanted to protect her but I wasn’t able to!

I was that little girl!

April is National Child Abuse Awareness month and it’s the month apple trees are normally in bloom. Ironic.

So this week I walked out to the apple tree right outside my office window and had a good talk. I apologized to that little girl of long ago telling her how sorry I was she was ever hurt! I reminded her of her worth and value and that she was oh, so loved! And that she’s gonna do great things by telling her story to others so that they too can find their healing path!

And I spent time once again asking God to help me forgive those who had violated my being, my mind and my little girls body!

And to forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness against my abusers for so long, for not letting go of the pain and resentment sooner.

I chose on purpose to forgive them and move forward. There is way more peace in the forgiveness that in staying in the memories of the past.

Besides I’ve got way too much good to do! I’ve got more books to write! Words to share with others offering hope and help as they take necessary steps to overcome their painful past.

No one ever deserves to be abused! Ever!!

The trauma effects of child abuse afterward can be life altering but they do not necessarily have to steal your life!

You can grow and heal from child abuse!

If you need someone to be your voice until you gain yours I’d be honored to do so!

I’d love to hear your story!

You can reach out to me at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

I’ve written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, as a work of fiction based on a true story, mine!

Together we will become a force to be reckoned with!

Together we can help move many mountains!

#Iamavoiceforthevoiceless

May you have a sweet, peaceful day!

You are loved!

You are a beautiful and unique individual!

You were created for a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11) to do great and mighty things to become a world changer!

You are valued and worthy!

You are delightful and a loving individual!

May today be your special day you sense great and mighty love and acceptance!

#iamavoiceforthevoiceless