Abusive Mothers and Mother’s Day

This Sunday is the day set aside to celebrate mothers.

I’m seeing lots of commercials, shows, gift and card ideas for that special mother. While I do agree that honoring a mother is a grand thing to do, I want to speak to those who may not have a kind and healthy mother.

You see, I can relate to that indiviual.

My mother was abusive and anything but kind. For many years of my adult life I did what I thought others wanted me to do: Make the best out of a bad situation. Or, forgive and forget. Or stop replaying all the old hurts and just be nice. Or why can’t you just forgive her and be the good daughter?

Here’s a picture of my mom and I when I was around nine or ten years old.

I was a cute kid!

I’ve had people most of my life telling me things like, “Oh, you’re supposed to love your mother”; or, “after all, she’s your mother, she birthed you so the least you could do is take care of her”; or, “Well, maybe she was abused in her childhood, you don’t know, show some respect” and lots more!

That’s totally messed up!

I can’t find anywhere in my Bible telling me I must remain in an abusive relationship!

We can read several scriptures in the Word of how we’re to ‘honor our parents so our days will be long upon the earth’.

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, honor is to regard or treat (someone) with admiration and respect : to regard or treat with honor. b : to give special recognition to : to confer honor on. 2a : to live up to or fulfill the terms of honor a commitment. It says nothing about remaining in an abusive relationship!

Even trying to articulate my thoughts and feelings on this topic is challenging.

And I do believe I honored my mother as best I could even though we had a very hard relationship. I can now better understand that she was just mirroring what she saw her own mother do. After talking with mom about whether or not she knew I was being abused as a child, she confessed, “Of course I knew! It happened to me! Why shouldn’t it happen to you too? You’re no better than I am!”

Wow….alrighty then!

I’m so thankful I’ve gained much needed healing in this area. I still don’t have all the answers but the pain isn’t as bad as it has been either. My beloved understands that on this day I’ll probably wanta go hang out in nature, or spend the day with him alone…if our son and his family were near it’d be with them…but no, I just don’t make a big deal out of Mother’s Day.

For many, most I hope, Mother’s Day is a day to honor your mother. For me and others like me, not so much!

I’d never wish harm to my mother but I sure have wished she’d been a lot nicer and healthier.

On the very day she died the Hospice nurse came to me and asked, “Did you know your mother had been diagnosed with at least 12 different personalities?”

Well, no I sure didn’t but that explained so very much.

I did know she’d experienced a lot of child abuse herself. Two of her abusers were also my own, her mother and a brother! She was walking out learned behavior. She choose to repeat a pattern which can be unlearned and replaced with healthy behavior but she didn’t choose to walk that path. I choose to break that pattern!

Some years back I offered to help her find a good therapist to help her overcome so much pain and loss but she refused saying, “I’m just fine. It’s everyone else that has a problem.” Well, no, not so much!

So, on Mother’s Day I will be thankful for my son who made me a mother! I am very proud of him! He made me a mom!

I will also mourn the two babies I was not allowed to give birth to, Mary Grace and James Andrew, as they were ripped from my body at my mother’s insistence.

And I will be grateful for another year to celebrate the fact that with all I went through, I remain fairly healthy and sane. Well that last part could be debatable at times! lol

I will also celebrate another wonderful year with my beloved who makes me feel like a princess! I am deeply loved, well cared for and spoiled by my love!

If I were to give any words of comfort to any one hurting today because of an unhealthy mother it would be to forgive, simply forgive.

Easy?

Nope! Not at all but oh, so necessary!

For that person?

Nope!

For you and your family!

I used to believe that if I forgave those who’d hurt me that meant they were getting away with the wrongs they’d done scot free! I was wrong! Forgiving him or her for the terrible things they’d done to me was for me! Holding a grudge and wishing them bad was like me drinking poison, hoping they’d be sick or die. Silly right?

Forgiveness was for my freedom!

Jesus died on the cross for my freedom.

God says He will gain vengeance so I don’t have to worry about it.

Forgive others!

Forgive yourself!

I’m realizing I’m pretty stinkin’ alright! Others may not think so but that’s no big deal! Jesus does! My beloved does! That’s pretty amazing to me!

Today if your mother hurt you in anyway I am praying for you! I know it’s hard to let go of all those memories but I encourage you to do so. At least begin the process by opening up your hands so you’re not gripping the memories so tightly. Allow yourself to breath deeply knowing you are a good person! And remember, you are not your mother! Nor are you the abuse that was heaped on you!

You are a beautiful individual.

If this day is challenging I urge you to do something fun just for you. Let this day be for your healing and hope in a better tomorrow. It is possible!

Until next time, I bless you!

Photo by Madison Inouye on Pexels.com

You are beautiful!

Just a simple shout out to each of you!

You are beautiful!!!

What makes you feel beautiful?

A new dress? Well, maybe pants for the guys?

A fresh salon appointment?

Time spent in nature?

Praying and meditating?

What makes you feel beautiful?

Healing Troubling Teen Years

Often when I’m in a serious house cleaning mood I’ll throw on some ole time rock n roll.


Bob Seger hit the floor this morning while I’ve been attackin’ the house. Soon I find myself getting unusually emotional.
Humm….’well, that’s strange, I thought!

During a short break, I begin to examine these emotions which are accompanied with free flowing tears.

I’ve listened to an hour or more of great music yet, here I sit…weeping, pondering my teenage years.

Then it hits me like a ton of bricks!!

I am sitting here mourning those years when I was a teenage girl!

Oh, they were not all bad. Actually, I had a lot of good memories!

But the bad, oh they were really bad!

I needed something to numb the ever searing pain inside my soul. So, I’d been introduced to huffing lighter fluid by a girlfriend when I was nine years old. That lead to smoking pot at 13 then I found the brown bottle at 15! Wow…that really helped!

Mom worked for a guy cleaning his house. He was a single dad. Good looking and kept a well stocked bar. Somehow it evolved to the point of my having his permission to enjoy anything on the bar I wanted. My mother never said a word against that!

I recall she’d often tell me, “Oh I’d rather you sow your wild oats now than later!”

Really!!

Where was the parental protection!

Oh, that right! There was none!

I had been raped at 15. She and the doctor felt it was in my best interest to have an abortion.

She’d borrowed the money from someone then drove me to the office to take care of it.

I don’t make the connection until many years later.

I often go with her when she’d clean house, especially after finding out I could partake of all that liquor! I soon become aware of this man. He’d give me lingering hugs which I enjoyed.

I hadn’t grown up with a dad so at first I’m thinking that he’s just taking a fatherly interest in me. After all, he does have a young daughter!

But then the hugs turn into him stroking my arm or pulling me into his lap at various times.

I remember one specific time. He was resting in his leather recliner in the living room and I happened to walk by him. He reached out and yanked me down in his lap. For whatever reason it was just the two of us. I don’t remember why we were alone. He lifted my chin and kissed me.

Now in my head, I’m freaking!

Why’d he do that?

While sitting on his lap I become very aware of his intentions by the physical response in his jeans.

That was the first time we end up in bed. A sick abusive relationship that lasted several years. I was barely 16 and he was 34!!!

I thought it was love! It was abuse!!

Months later I worked up enough courage to ask him why me.

He said, “I knew you’d had an abortion and didn’t want you to be turned off by sex. Besides, I knew you weren’t a virgin any longer. Plus your mom owned me money for your procedure!”

I was devastated!

Also, during my teen years I was sexually active. Actually, I don’t remember a time in my life where that wasn’t a frequent act. I always thought I was born to give men and women sexual pleasure! Or at least, that’s what I was taught!

So, here I am today…..weeping listening to some really good music. When it begins to dawn on me, oh wow…I’m mourning the loss of my teen years. I allow the emotions to flow!

I am mourning the loss of two years in a sick, twisted relationship I should have never been put in!

Wow…bless my little girl’s heart!

But I survived!

I overcame!

Was it easy!?
No way!!

Do I still struggle?

You bet’cha!

I wonder what kinda free spirit I’d of been back then?

Abuse sucks!!

I recently released my first non-fiction, Finding Hope After Abortion. In it I offer hope and healing for anyone who’s experienced one. No judgement. Just hope!

What that man and my mom did to me was horrible wrong!

My mom died in 2019. Before passing, she did apologize to me for all the bad things she’d done to me. That helped the healing process.

However, today I am remembering that young teen girl. She was a fighter! She was a survivor! She was determined!

And today, I am all those: a fighter, a survivor and ever so determined!

My book is available on Amazon or you can reach out to Oak Tree Publishing and Consulting company at oaktreepub@yahoo.com for more information.

This isn’t an easy subject to talk about. Neither is any form of abuse. However, we need to be talking about it. We need to be talking about how to heal from any of it, all of it!

Today, I am learning to be me!

No, not the ‘me’ others tried to force me to become!
The real authentic me!

And I really like what I’m beginning to see!

I pray the same for you this day!

Every Life Is Valuable: Finding Hope After Abortion… my latest book

What a lovely Friday we’re having where I’m at!

Sun is brightly shinning and reflecting off the snow covered grass.

I do hope you’re having a wonderful day.

I wanted to pop by and share with you my latest book, Finding Hope After Abortion.

I gotta tell ya, this was the hardest book I’ve written to date. It’s nonfiction based on a true story…mine! I was 15 and 17 when my mother forced me to have two abortions. But you can read about it in the book.

I do believe anytime we chose to allow our self become real and transparent it’s hard work. There’s always that possibility someone might come back on us with accusations. Even so, I knew it was time in my life to make that leap and get real.

So…here it is!

We have the E-book available on Amazon Kindle for $9.99. The paperback will be out soon for $10.50.

No one should have to suffer alone!

If you need to tell your story I am here to listen!

Feel to email me at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com or drop a line on here.

You can jump over to our YouTube channel, Broken Pieces No More Inc for some encouraging words.

You are a beautiful soul no matter what! Period!!

I am a #voiceforthevoiceless until all have their voice!

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

My Daddy/Grief/The Virus: 3 Points of Coping

Trigger warning: mentions father raping daughter

My daddy passed away the first of December this year. He’d been sick for several weeks and had ended up in the ICU. However, he overcame the virus and sent back to the nursing home where he lived. We were so grateful and excited that he was improving and getting back into a healthy routine. We were looking forward to visits and making good memories. Then one day, the workers found him gone, passed away, dead!

No!

Not my dad!

He just survived this stupid virus! He’s gonna be okay!

No, he’s gone!

My mom passed away in September 2019. I did not experience these sharp knife-like pains in my being when she died. I strongly believe both of my parents are now in Heaven with Jesus, yet that hasn’t stopped my soul’s deep mourning!

I haven’t been able to find an answer to this soul-searing pain I now feel. In the beginning, upon hearing of his death I thought I was being cut from within the pain was so sharp. At least now, that deep pain has subsided to a lesser feeling and not as harsh. Still, I miss my daddy!

It’s so ironic; we didn’t have that good of a relationship in my beginning. He and my mom divorced when I was very young. I have only a few smatterings of memories of him from my childhood. When I was 19, a dear friend of mine had died in a car wreck, so I suddenly felt compelled to get to know my dad. My mom had always discouraged me from doing so, telling me he’d only hurt me. I had to find out for myself. I called my dad, who was driving a truck at that time cross country.

We agreed he’d stop in town and pick me up for a week of being with him in the truck, plus I’d get to see a lot of the country I’d never seen. About halfway through our trip out west one morning early, after I’d climbed in the sleeper falling into a deep sleep, I was awakened suddenly to someone pulling my jeans off. I’d taken allergy medicine before going to sleep and was so groggy. I just lay there trying to understand what was going on as my father raped me.

I made it back home safely but spent the next 30 days in deep worry over whether I was pregnant. Thankfully, I wasn’t!

Fast forward many years. I’d been going to counseling. I was attending a life-giving church, so I understood the principle written in the Word on the power of forgiveness. I learned when we chose (and it’s a choice) not to forgive but rather hold onto that pain, it’s in essence like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. How silly is that!

When I finally learned that truth, I began asking God to ‘give me the want to’ to forgive my father because I certainly didn’t want to, even though I knew I needed to. It took time, which seems to be my norm. Oh, I know God does miracles and can zap whatever situation it may be. For me, it seems I gotta walk through the process of it all! No instant healings, yet.

Fast-forwarding, even more, my sister reached out to me and said she’d found our dad. Later I reached out to him, which began a much-needed healing journey for us both. In one of our first conversations, he shared how deeply sorry he was for hurting me and asked me if I could ever forgive him. Wow….my answer was a resounding ‘yes’! Thus, we began our journey.

Now I’m not only connected with my dad but with two of my sisters. It seems my path has never been in a straight line but rather a jumbled-up mess of stops and starts. But the important thing is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward!

At some point, for some reason I now don’t remember, he and I stopped communicating. It was a few years later that, once again, we were reconnected. And all was well. He was so accepting, and we continued to have healing in our relationship. That was such a good thing.

So now, up to this life-changing event: The death of my daddy.

As I’d been planning out his funeral where I would speak, I wanted to highlight some of the good things that occurred after our first time of reconnecting and continuing onward. Maybe three months or so ago, while at church one Sunday morning during praise and worship, we began singing a song.

Oh wait!

That sounds so deeply familiar!

I see the words on the screen and hear them in my ears.

Those words!

I know those words!

I’ve heard those words!

And then it hit me! Just before daddy and I would end a conversation, he’d say, ‘daughter’ in a rather gruff voice.

“Yes, daddy.” I’d respond.

He’d then begin saying these words, which at first [posted at the bottom], I thought was an Irish saying because we have an Irish heritage. But no, I was wrong!!

What my father had chosen to speak over me was a priestly blessing right out of God’s Holy Word in Numbers 6:24-26! He spoke this blessing over me almost every time we were on the phone together. What a miracle! What a transformation! What a most profound way to erase all those years of hurt and pain and instead, to soothe those broken places with Poppa God’s healing balm! Wow….

Only recently have I grown to appreciate what Poppa God did for me through my daddy! I was finally able to hear him speak lovingly and kindly to me, which was a soothing and healing balm to my tired and wounded soul!

Three things I’m doing to soothe the hurt of losing my daddy:

  1. Giving myself permission to feel

Until we learn that it’s perfectly okay to feel the emotions, we truly will not be able to heal all those nooks and crannies way down on the inside. Now, I’m not going to stay there in the sorrow and waller in it! I feel it to heal it and move forward.

2. Feel it to heal it and write it out

I receive healing when I’m able to sit down and write out what I’m feeling. And I do it ole-school with a pen and paper. For me, there’s just something therapeutic when I hold my pen and write in cursive across a blank sheet of paper in my journal. I hear and see my movements and know I can release those pains and receive healing!

Photo by John-Mark Smith on Pexels.com
  • 3. I focus on the positive memories

Believe me, there are many negative memories about my daddy yet, I chose to focus on the positive ones that bring a smile to my face. Oh, I could focus on the negative, but that’s a choice. I have control over that. Focusing on the negative is like taking poison, hoping the other person will die. It’s just silly and pointless. I chose life!

I miss you daddy!!

My prayer is that you will gain more peace and understanding this Christmas season. Make time to reflect and renew in Him. I simply can not imagine how my life would be if I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus!

Be kind to yourself during this season. Right now, many all around us, maybe even our self, struggle with all the new craziness! We are being told we can’t do this, or we must do that! I see fear all around me. Again, this is also a choice! I will NOT walk-in fear! Love overcomes fear!

Each of us must make a healthy choice! Not just for ourselves but for those around us.

I pray you will begin afresh today, making healthy choices for yourself because you are so worth it!!

Massive blessings for you!

Numbers 6:24-26

New International Version

24 “The Lord bless you and keep you;

 25 the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;

 26 the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

#Healing in the Mountains

Recently, my husband and I were able to head to the Smokie mountains for refreshing and recharging! I so love being in the mountains! They speak to me and offer peace to my soul! When we were on top of Clingman’s Dome I read one of the signs that were posted. It spoke of how the Cherokee people sought healing in those mountains. I believe it is true!

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I’ve often wondered if green is God’s favorite color. He sure did create many shades of it for us to enjoy! Or at least I do. I love escaping to the woods, getting out in nature, finding a safe spot to sit and meditate. I’ve taken to the woods for safety and comfort since I was a little girl needing to escape the ‘red-hot pain’ that threatened to engulf me from all the child abuse. And I still find great peace in the underbelly of the woods! I’m so thankful we have a wooded area on our property!

 

On our trip, we met some of the most intriguing people. I enjoy engaging with others, asking questions encouraging them to share their story. We met people from all around the world. One thing I took away from our trip was that people, no matter their skin color, just wanta be valued and loved and respected! That’s all!

 

How have we as a society gotten to where we are today? Fussing, feuding, fighting, blaming others all contribute to unrest and fear. These contribute to our problems, not offer healing solutions. I personally do not believe it’s a statue problem or even a virus problem. No, it’s a heart problem!

 

But who’s willing to sit down at the table and talk about our problems instead of destroying lives and property? Is someone willing to tear off the scab of old wounds to get down the root of the problem where it’s nasty and oozing with toxins? Who’s willing to listen?

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Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

Who’s willing to sit with that person until healing takes place? I wonder how many would do so.

Sadly, there are few folks who are willing to get down in the ditch of life to help others up. I’m so thankful to those who were willing to help me get up out of the ditch I was living in and embrace freedom in Jesus Christ! Without Him, I’m sure I’d be dead or living a horrible life!

 

Are you a ditch digger willing to help others climb out?! It does take all kinds to make the world go round. And one truth for sure we cannot escape is that when any one of us is cut, we all bleed red!

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Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

I can’t help but wonder if, during this lockdown, we haven’t been called to examine ourselves more closely. I know I have and there are numerous areas I’ve found lacking! How are we choosing to help others? How are we conducting our self? What are our values?

One area I have been studying is fear. Never in all my sixty years have I witnessed such a worldwide mass hysteria of fear! Fear is NOT of God! To me, it’s like common sense and thinking for one’s self was thrown out the window! We are told countless times in the Bible to ‘fear not’!

 

It’s sometimes hard to not give in to that spirit of fear when it’s raging all around you. Thankfully, when Jesus lives in us, we have much to hope in! We put our hope and trust in Him then fear has no authority or right to torment us! May we all gain that truth and put fear on the run!

It is my prayer that if you are struggling with fear you will soon find peace and comfort. That you will rest in Him and gain wisdom that will guide you on your path!

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I wrote about my abuse in my Secret series and how I found hope in overcoming the effects. You can order this and the 2nd in the series, Secrets Exposed, from wherever books are sold.

 

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Mental Health and Truth

We have stepped into the second month of a brand new year and a brand new decade. How exciting is that! The sound of that just seems to hold many new and adventurous possibilities doesn’t it?

Yet, how many of us are making healthy choices on purpose?

How many of us are determined to face the truth of our issues?

Many times I’ve pretended I was just fine, thank ya very much! When in fact I was dying inside and was silently screaming for someone, somewhere to please find me before I go under the tide for the very last time! But “No”! I couldn’t dare tell you my truth….even though I’ve read that the ‘truth shall set you free’. (John 8:32)

Fear and shame were my constant companions!

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Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

Fear kept me from reaching out for help; for letting others know, even close friends and family that I was in desperate need of help. Fear kept my mouth shut! I’d often been told as a child when being raped, “If you tell anyone I’ll hurt your mommy like this! Do you want me to do that?” Well, of course not!!

And the shame! Oh my goodness! The black, sticky shame kept me feeling so very unworthy; so extremely dirty; so unwanted and all alone! What if I told you my dark, dirty secrets? Would you still wanta be around me? Would you still wanta be my friend? Would you help me?

And that’s just how the evil one wanted it! I’m one of those individuals that believe we either follow good or evil. There’s no in-between! So, now in looking back, I can easily see where the devil was working through those around me to keep me down, to keep the evil thoughts flowing through my mind, to entice me to make unhealthy choices! For many of my years, I did not realize nor own my truth that I had a choice: That I could say, “NO!” I did not know I could!

 

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The first time I remember having a thought that I could say ‘no’ was during an attempted unsuccessful sexual encounter in my late teen years. I declined a guy’s advances which he did not like at all. That was the beginning of my awakening from the deep slumber that had been injected into my being many years ago of believing I had to go along with what was done to me as well what was expected of me. It took years of counseling, lots of determination to overcome the lies and false beliefs of my past, many prayers and a lot of starts and stops! I had to choose to become healthy! Because I was worth it!

Now, I believe we can all begin in this New Year, this new decade, to make a difference for those around us, for those younger than us rising up to become leaders in the tomorrows by exposing once and for all those lies connected with mental health issues, that there should not be a taboo on this subject. Of course we need balance as we decide with whom to share our stuff. But we need not feel ashamed in doing so either! Nor do we need to shame others!

I firmly believe that it is now time to pull the scab off of our mental health issues and get to the root of the problem! Various forms of abuse are often the root of addictions and other unhealthy practices but we do not have to remain stuck in that lifestyle! There is hope and help! There is freedom and healing!

How I so wish someone would have been brave enough to step into my mess with me. Healing is messy and maybe not everyone is cut out to get down in the ditch of mess and help an individual. But, maybe we need to do so! We at Broken Pieces No More, Inc firmly believe that once we begin to examine and deal with root issues we’ll begin to see a more healed society. We believe no one deserves to be abused and that’s why we exist; to help raise awareness of various forms of abuse and addictions as well as providing healthy healing options.

 

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I now have more peace and hope than ever! I believe you can too!

You can reach us at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or Broken Pieces No More Inc on facebook. Or drop us a note at PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502

 

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Mystery Woman & #mentalhealth

I met a woman this week…some might say a cowinkidink but I think not for I don’t believe in those. She has haunted my thoughts daily ever since.

She and her friend were looking around and popped in my office wanting to know what Broken Pieces No More was!

So I quickly spout out my elevator speech in who we are and our purpose.

I saw a shadow flicker across her face when I mentioned we advocate awareness of various abuses…including domestic violence!

She shared she’d been out of a horribly abusive relationship for bout 5 years.

Before I could stop myself I asked her, “So what have you been doing for your healing in these 5 years?”

She stared me blankly and said, “Why, I don’t know!”

I love honesty!

I invited her to just come hang out if she wanted to, that we always welcome volunteers into our program. She was very interested!

That unexpected question has been hoovering at the peripheral edges of my thoughts every since then.

So my friend, I ask you this same question, “What are you doing to help in your own healing?”

Doesn’t matter who you are or what part of the journey you are on. Doesn’t even matter if your man or woman, boy or girl!

Each of us have been hurt in some way by some one!

And each and every one of us have an individual responsibility to heal from that hurt!

What are some healthy ways you are seeking more healing?

I journal;

listen to worship music;

greatly enjoy being out in nature;

do lots of reading and check in with a few close friends to make sure I’m on the right track.

I also go for a mental health checkup on a regular basis.

#mentalhealth is just as important as any other aspect of our being!

I so wish I could convey to others how vitally important it is to heal from past wounds. If not, then that injured place will become infected and could endanger that individual to growing very ill or even death!

There is medical and scientific proof that our mental health effects every part of our being.

I know I personally have connected the dots in my own healing journey between stomach issues and my state of nervousness/anxiety with past traumatic abuse. Also my back pain with sexual abuse for many years.

As I’ve become more deeply involved in my own healing, I’m now taking back my power by acknowledging that abuse and dealing with it.

One powerful thing I’ve learned to do is to apologize to the little girl within me!

No child ever wakes up one day and declares, “I do believe today is the day I want to be yelled at, beaten, raped and more”!

It was not my fault I was abused!

And I am most certainly NOT my abuse!!

I am healed and being healed!

If it weren’t for my personal relationship with Jesus I seriously doubt I’d even be alive! But I am!

So, I ask you again, “What are you doing to bring about your own personal healing?”

I’m praying for you this day!

You can read more about my childhood in my first book in the Secret series, Secrets in the Holler.

No one deserves to be abused!

I’d be honored to share with your group, organization, church, etc my amazing journey and transformation!

There is hope for healing!

You can check out the faith based nonprofit my husband I formed on face book, Instagram and Twitter at Broken Pieces No More.

As always, you’re not alone!

I’d love to hear from you!

#mentalhealth I Will Not Fear!

Wow…so 2020 has started off with a bang! (No pun intended.) Wars and rumors of wars!

I’ve watched the news reports and read posts on social media. Many, if not most, seem to be proclaiming gloom and doom.

Where’s the positive?

Now I’m certainly not one to stick my head in the sand…for one thing I prefer balance. Yes, I’d like to know what’s goin on in the world but not to the point where all the news I follow is so fear based!

I do use the off button on my remote!

Where is it written we must constantly walk around with a fear mentality?

Fear is not from my Poppa God!

All this media hype does nothing but get folks stirred up believing whatever they hear or read instead of searching the truth out!

Don’t be like sheep being lead to the slaughter.

Study to show your self approved.

And be happy!

You and you alone control your happiness! No one else!

Turn off the news.

Play a game.

Go for a walk.

Take a nap.

Get out in nature.

Clean house.

Purge any unwanted or needed items.

You are the one in control of your destiny!

Determine that 2020 is going to be an over the top amazing year for you! Then take steps to do so!

You’re always welcome to join us at Broken Pieces No More Inc as we ‘Spark the Change’ for families.

We are a faith based ministry dedicated to raising awareness of various abuses and addictions as well as providing healthy healing options.

You can find us on face book, Instagram and the Twitter.

You are not alone!

Rise up oh weary one and let your light so shine!

Pray a covering of peace and protection.

So how are maintaining your peace with all the fear and negativity?

What do you do to stay healthy and balanced?

Looking forward to hearing from you!

#mentalhealth and Christmas and Forgiving

Merry Christmas to you!

candle celebration christmas christmas decoration
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

I had wondered if we’d have a white Christmas but where we live…nope! Way too warm and that’s nice too!

I have done very little for Christmas this year. It’s simply been way too hard, too stressful to do otherwise. Oh, I tried to decorate. Had big plans for doing so. Even had my wonderful husband to bring my numerous totes of decorations to the house from storage and I even pulled some things out. I do have a few snowmen sitting about the house but that’s it.

I’m not playing scrooge or anything negative. I simply do not have the emotional energy to get caught up in all the hype of the holiday. I find myself struggling…a lot…this year with the expectations of my getting into the spirit of the holiday when I just don’t have it inside.

I refuse to get in to the whole gift giving until credit cards are maxed out! That’s crazy!

Oh, don’t get me wrong! I do celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior for without Him I know I would not be here. I’d be dead or in an insane asylum somewhere. No, I know I’m ridiculously blessed and I’m oh, so grateful for the birth of Jesus!

This year has been way more simple for me!

Not too long ago my mother passed. Six months ago if someone had told me I’d be reacting this way I’d of said they were nuts! My mother and I didn’t have a healthy relationship at all in any area! She was one of my main abusers. But God!

You see, when she’d been placed in a nursing home and Hospice took over her care, she had days where her mind was clear and we’d have time to talk and laugh and make things right. I was able to hear the sweet words from her of ‘I’m sorry’! What a joy! And I hold fast to that!

I’m grateful for learning how to forgive her and all those who hurt me! Forgiving is freedom from being a victim and stepping into being an overcomer!

I’m realizing not only am I mourning her passing; I’m also mourning what I now know I’ll never have! I’ll never have a healthy mother daughter relationship. I must allow that dream to die.

But God! He gave me a sweet gift of those few days with my mother, before she passed, of who I believe was her core being before the demons of her own abuse took over her soul. I am now able to see her through a different lens, through a different set of glasses which enables me to extend grace and mercy to her.

With my mother’s passing I’m finding myself adjusting my sails a bit differently on this sea of life. I’m evaluating and reevaluating my current relationships. I’m seeing more clearly some areas of my life that I now know I must let go of: Those familiar belief systems that were put in place when I was raised in a very dysfunctional, abusive home. Those familiar thoughts that still plague my mind; that feel like falling back into a mound of warm, cushy pillows seemingly all safe and sound. But that is a false belief!

And it’s scary to address those lies from my past, to confront their limited mortality! And it’s my choice as to whether or not I wanta address them, to send them packing and scurrying into the night. It’s my choice if I wanta live in freedom or continue to live in the small sphere of life around me when in fact, when I do choose to let those lies go, when I do choose to expose the lies to the truth, then I will gain a larger sphere. I will gain truth! And the truth will set me free!

I know it’s a process. I know it takes time, lots of hard work and reflection as well as letting go!

So this Christmas I began a new tradition by making an honorary donation in my mother’s name to Broken Pieces No More, Inc for the work they do to help raise awareness of various forms of abuse, addiction as well as providing healthy healing options.

I’m also learning more to be kind to me and not expect so much!

Healing happens! Yet healing is messy!

If there were such a thing as a perfect Christmas it would one where all four of our children and their children along with the rest of our family were together to celebrate our savior’s birth. Until then I continue to pray for healing and His love to transform us all.

I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and happy holidays.

Feel free to contact BPNM at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502.

 

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