Healing me? How?

A book in the Bible talks about seasons.

Ecclesiastes 3 tells that there is a time and season for many things under Heaven. Right now this is my time of healing.

1 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

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But how do I heal?

That I do not know!

What is healing?

This is what google tells me, the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.

Wow…boy oh, do I need that!

And where do I even begin?

Healthy?

Was I ever healthy?

I’m honestly not sure!

I’ve had professionals tell me I should be in an insane asylum or dead because of the horrific amount of trauma I’ve experienced.

>Trafficked to men in the community until I was 11 years old to pay the ‘light bill‘ each month.

>Massive amounts of child abuse: physical, sexual, neglect, psychological.

>Given enemas’ over and over to ‘get the devil outta me’.

>Groomed to obey whatever ever was told to me.

And so much more.

I write about this and more in my latest book, House Full of Secrets: Human Trafficking and Redemption.

All of my books are available on Kindle or Amazon in paperback. A portion of all book sales goes to Broken Pieces No More Inc, a nonprofit my husband, a dear friend and I formed to raise awareness of child abuse and human trafficking.

Right now with all that’s going on I am stepping back from most areas and focusing on gaining my own deep, inner healing. If I’m not healed then I won’t be of much use to others. It is imperative that I gain my own healing as I want to be instrumental in helping others who have trod a similar path as I have. #healingispossible

We all need healing for we’ve all been hurt in some manner.

What are you hoping to heal within?

It is possible!

And you are not alone, no matter how much you or the enemy tries to convince you of..it’s a lie!

Never allow anyone to deny you this unique opportunity to gain that necessary healing either.

I pray you will be able to join me on a similar journey and grab hold of the healing you deserve.

#mentalhealth and Christmas and Forgiving

Merry Christmas to you!

candle celebration christmas christmas decoration
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I had wondered if we’d have a white Christmas but where we live…nope! Way too warm and that’s nice too!

I have done very little for Christmas this year. It’s simply been way too hard, too stressful to do otherwise. Oh, I tried to decorate. Had big plans for doing so. Even had my wonderful husband to bring my numerous totes of decorations to the house from storage and I even pulled some things out. I do have a few snowmen sitting about the house but that’s it.

I’m not playing scrooge or anything negative. I simply do not have the emotional energy to get caught up in all the hype of the holiday. I find myself struggling…a lot…this year with the expectations of my getting into the spirit of the holiday when I just don’t have it inside.

I refuse to get in to the whole gift giving until credit cards are maxed out! That’s crazy!

Oh, don’t get me wrong! I do celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior for without Him I know I would not be here. I’d be dead or in an insane asylum somewhere. No, I know I’m ridiculously blessed and I’m oh, so grateful for the birth of Jesus!

This year has been way more simple for me!

Not too long ago my mother passed. Six months ago if someone had told me I’d be reacting this way I’d of said they were nuts! My mother and I didn’t have a healthy relationship at all in any area! She was one of my main abusers. But God!

You see, when she’d been placed in a nursing home and Hospice took over her care, she had days where her mind was clear and we’d have time to talk and laugh and make things right. I was able to hear the sweet words from her of ‘I’m sorry’! What a joy! And I hold fast to that!

I’m grateful for learning how to forgive her and all those who hurt me! Forgiving is freedom from being a victim and stepping into being an overcomer!

I’m realizing not only am I mourning her passing; I’m also mourning what I now know I’ll never have! I’ll never have a healthy mother daughter relationship. I must allow that dream to die.

But God! He gave me a sweet gift of those few days with my mother, before she passed, of who I believe was her core being before the demons of her own abuse took over her soul. I am now able to see her through a different lens, through a different set of glasses which enables me to extend grace and mercy to her.

With my mother’s passing I’m finding myself adjusting my sails a bit differently on this sea of life. I’m evaluating and reevaluating my current relationships. I’m seeing more clearly some areas of my life that I now know I must let go of: Those familiar belief systems that were put in place when I was raised in a very dysfunctional, abusive home. Those familiar thoughts that still plague my mind; that feel like falling back into a mound of warm, cushy pillows seemingly all safe and sound. But that is a false belief!

And it’s scary to address those lies from my past, to confront their limited mortality! And it’s my choice as to whether or not I wanta address them, to send them packing and scurrying into the night. It’s my choice if I wanta live in freedom or continue to live in the small sphere of life around me when in fact, when I do choose to let those lies go, when I do choose to expose the lies to the truth, then I will gain a larger sphere. I will gain truth! And the truth will set me free!

I know it’s a process. I know it takes time, lots of hard work and reflection as well as letting go!

So this Christmas I began a new tradition by making an honorary donation in my mother’s name to Broken Pieces No More, Inc for the work they do to help raise awareness of various forms of abuse, addiction as well as providing healthy healing options.

I’m also learning more to be kind to me and not expect so much!

Healing happens! Yet healing is messy!

If there were such a thing as a perfect Christmas it would one where all four of our children and their children along with the rest of our family were together to celebrate our savior’s birth. Until then I continue to pray for healing and His love to transform us all.

I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and happy holidays.

Feel free to contact BPNM at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502.

 

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