Power in a Pandemic: What is fear?

During this time in which we find ourselves living, I firmly believe we must be willing to step outside the box, even ourselves, in order to grab hold of new and innovative thought processes for surviving day to day with a healthy mindset. For me, that’s included a few things I’ll share here.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts from wherever you are.

I do wanta encourage you in that you are not alone! Especially if Jesus lives in your heart!

Isaiah 54:10

Even if the mountains were to crumble and the hills disappear,
my heart of steadfast, faithful love will never leave you, and
my covenant of peace with you will never be shaken,” says Yahweh,
whose love and compassion will never give up on you.

1. Keep your focus on His unfailing love

 His love endures forever” (Psalm 136:26).

It has taken me so many years to realize God’s unfailing love for me!

I grew up in an insanely dysfunctional home where love was never spoken of nor practiced. Not sure my guardians knew how or what love really was. Well, no, of course, they didn’t; otherwise, I wouldn’t have experienced such horrific child abuse! I was taught that I was worthless and no account. That was a lie!

I am very valuable! As we all are in God’s sight!

Being married to my wonderful beloved has taught me so much about unconditional love! We are neither perfect, but his love for me is a godly love and reflects Jesus in Him. I am highly blessed and healing deeply as a result!

2. Do not fear!

There are over 365 times written in His word to ‘fear not’!

I’ve had to engage my mind on this one so much, or rather, I have to retrain my brain to not focus on fear! I grew up with fear as a close friend, so close in fact that I could often feel the hot, clammy breath of fear breathing down my neck as a little girl.

#fearnot

For me, I have to focus on the blessings and promises of God, rather than what the media is throwing out on the airwaves of late. If I don’t keep my guard up, I can easily be freaked out by what folks are spewing forth of late. That’s not healthy!

I know in Whom I believe and it isn’t some news outlet or social media site. I occasionally listen to several news sources, for I do not believe any one of them solely anymore. It’s kinda like the ole saying, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Don’t get all your information from one source….unless that source is the Word of God!

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Sadly, I find many I meet along the way are so afraid!

And why not??

With all the fear being spewed forth daily on social media and through news outlets, it’s no wonder we’re not all running for those mountains for cover!

I have learned that fear is a perceived threat of some kind to ourselves or our family unit. When we are afraid, we react totally out of the ‘flight or fight’ mode. Adrenaline pumps through our system, causing us to make hasty decisions instead of mediating on a safe answer.

I’ve also read where some believe the opposite of fear is safety. Maybe so. I know for me when I’m afraid, I do not feel safe at all. I’m learning not to jump into the emotion of fear so quickly!

I’ll hear folks talking bout how we need to stock up on this or that because soon there won’t be any more of that item, and fear begins to quiver within my being. There is nothing wrong at all with using common sense and being prepared. I just can’t jump over into being afraid. Then I must remind myself on Whom I believe and trust.

Maybe for me the opposite of fear is trusting in the One who made the universe!

Fear is nasty and messy for me and I do not like it in my life. I appreciate the times I need that emotion for protection but I do not want to live there anymore! Life is way too short to live in fear!

I pray you are doing well and that you are able to get a handle on fear!

Have a most blessed day!

Photo by Yelena Odintsova on Pexels.com

Let us seek the Lord

May we seek our Abba when we are afraid and chose to be like King Jehoshaphat gathering all around us to seek the Lord and fast!

And may we draw deep within our being and never forget “the battle does NOT belong to us! The battle belongs to the Lord”!!!!

In all we are facing today or gonna be facing this week our Poppa God has not fallen off the throne nor has He forgotten us, His children!

Let us go forth this day and this week being an encouragement to those we meet!

Praying one for another and sharing a smile!

You are not alone!

Check out II Chronicles 20

Have a most blessed day!!

#nofearhere

#faithoverfear

Anger and Grief

Do these two really go together?

I don’t know the answer to that but I suspect they do!

At least they do for me, here, tonight as I sit at my desk staring out into the darkness just on the other side of my window.

I find myself wondering if there’s anyone out there somewhere watching me! Lordy I surely hope not! No alarms are going off so I’m safe…for now!

My beloved is still at work though he will soon be home. Oh how I dearly miss him! And I so dislike him working this second shift but we know it’s only for a season. However, I pray I can maintain for the season no matter how long. I am very grateful for him and wonderfully blessed he is my husband!

This other season….this season of anger and despair and grief that seems as if it’s suffocating my very being….I do not like this season at all!

Anger!

Anger so white hot it seems as if it would sizzle my flesh right off my bones!

Anger that causes me to want to crumple up those who have hurt me into a small little ball of nothingness and throw them so very far away!

Anger!

What is anger?

It is an emotion that can produce a flight or fight feeling. It can bring on fear or depression. It can make you feel as if you’re going outta your mind.

Anger is a valid emotion.

Anger can also mask underlying emotions!

You can do some research on it.

For me, I know my anger is a mask of deeper emotions.

Emotions that have been swimming to the surface of my soul for years.

Why haven’t I felt them before now?

Well, I probably have though not to this degree!

You see as I’m now safely with my beloved, I am able to begin the process of really beginning to feel that horrific rejection and woundings from my childhood. Those things happened when my mother and grandmother and others viciously abused me.

I’m grateful for the forgiving process for I do believe I have begun that long ago and will continue.

Healing

Now, I need to focus on healing the little girl within!

I need to listen to her silent screams that are erupting from my soul!

I need to give her the attention she deserves as we work together to heal all those deep, burning wounds from long ago.

I need to acknowledge that what happened to her really happened to me.

Healing sucks and is very messy but oh, so necessary if one is hoping to live a healthy life. And I do!

So I will feel it to heal it no matter what!

I lived through the hell of it all and I will live through the recovery of me, the true me, the authentic me!!

I will grieve for the lost little me!

I will heal.

I will journal.

I will go hang out in nature.

I will let myself cry.

I will talk with my counselor.

I will heal because I am worth it!

I pray you too will find whatever healing you are needing. The effort is worth it!

#secretsnomore

I am pleased and excited to announce that my latest book, House Full of Secrets: Human Trafficking and Redemption, is now available in paperback and kindle. Any of my books may be purchased through Amazon.

This was a very hard book to write as I shared a great deal of my own personal story. And in it I share parts of my soul with you. Parts of my soul I’d never want anyone to see; yet, I truly believe that I need to share my truth in order that others may know the freedom and hope I now experience.

I shared secrets.

My book shares secrets. Deep, dark, evil ones!

Those secrets I’d been forced to keep as a child ‘or else‘.

Secrets I am finally finding my voice to speak out!

Proverbs 31:8-9 tells us to speak out for those who do not yet have their own voice with which to speak.

I am choosing to lend my voice to any one who needs it!

I speak about all forms of child abuse: neglect….my emotional and mental needs were neglected as well as often times I went hungry although we had plenty of food.

Physical abuse where I was hit either with switches until my little legs were bleeding or beaten with a belt, of course, where no bruises would show.

Verbal abuse was a constant of hearing what a horrible person I was, that I wasn’t ever wanted and how my mother so wished I’d of been a boy or never even born, called all sorts of vile named and more!

Sexual abuse has always been a part of who I am. Or rather who I was!

My mother and grandmother trafficked me out to men in the community to ‘help pay the monthly light bill’. This went on until I was eleven. It ended when I put a shotgun to my grandmother’s forehead threatening to shoot her if anyone ever touched me again!

The sexual and physical abuse stopped but the verbal/mental abuse grew even worse!

Now I have way more peace and hope than ever before in my life. I know Whose I am and I also know I’m okay!

Photo by Yelena Odintsova on Pexels.com

I have gained a tremendous amount of healing for which I’m eternally thankful.

Life is so good!!

I have risen up out of the ashes more incredible than ever before.

I long to see others who are walking wounded gain their own personal healing and freedom.

This is a new and exciting time in my life. One where I am stepping out of my comfort zone doing things I’ve often dreamed about. Like speaking to anyone who’ll give a listen. Traveling and sharing my story so others can step into his or her own freedom!

This is a brand new path. I hope I’ll see you along the way.

I am available for speaking opportunities.

I have one local at a Celebrate Recovery spot at Faith. Hope. Love. Church of God in Somerset. Then I will be speaking in Winchester, Ohio at Daystar Christian Center on August 15th. And on October 9 and 10th I’ll be speaking at Lake Road Baptist Church in Morrow, Ohio.

I am available for conferences, workshops, clubs, schools, churches, organizations, etc. Wherever there is a need to help others share their secrets! I will be your voice!

What secrets have you been holding?

I’d love to hear from you.

You can let me know here or email me at pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com.

No one deserves to carry a burden of guilt and shame from being forced to keeping secrets!

There is freedom!!

I’m happier and more content now than I’ve ever been in my life!

Life is indeed good!!

Blessings to you this day!

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

#rape #abortion Now #secretsnomore

Triggers: rape, abortion and child abuse

We all have secrets.

I’ve learned if those secrets aren’t told, if they’re not allowed to be released then our body and mind will become infected! It’s been proven that many of our physical issues can be traced back to our holding onto secrets.

Secrets are poison!

I recently posted 3 physical areas I fought to overcome due to many years of childhood trauma. There is a vital connection.

I’m learning the freedom of telling my #secrets though not everyone is able to do so.

That’s one reason I am a #voiceforthevoiceless because not everyone has yet found his or her voice.

And not always is it easy for me to share my secrets. When I share it makes me very vunerable; however, I know how vitally important it is to speak the truth!

#Truth brings healing and freedom and a deep compassion for others who are hurting.

But it’s not all fun and good vibes! I get hate mail through emails and message on social media but I figure that’s just a few obstacles in my path.

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I woke up this morning from a dream where I was talking out loud and weeping. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t get the dream outta my consciousness so I just got up and poured my first cup of steaming hot coffee of the day.

In the dream I was a young teenager. I was standing in the principle’s office at my high school looking at a lot of fellow students through a large glass window while holding the desk microphone talking. And I was crying.

I woke up saying, “All I ever wanted was a mom to love me and accept me just as I am!”

In the dream as I’m emotionally talking suddenly the door opens and a young teen girl with long blonde hair comes towards me saying, “You have to stop talking now! You’re causing a lot of trouble!”

(No clue the importance of hair color but it was a strong image.)

This young girl was reaching towards me trying to take the Mic away from me telling me that I had to “be quiet!”

“You’re telling too much! You’ve gotta be quiet! You’ve shared too many things!”

But somehow I knew I couldn’t be quiet any longer! I had to tell my truth!

You see not long before this event I’d been raped at the football field and ended up pregnant. My mother convinced the doctor that I needed an abortion otherwise I’d go crazy and hurt myself or the baby! So they make this plan and in a few weeks I’m no longer pregnant.

I’d tried ever so hard to protect my unborn babe. My mom knew I was pregnant before I ever told her. Yet still I desperately tried to protect my baby.

The day arrived when she drove me to another city where I was scheduled to get my abortion. I was so scared but had been taught to obey whatever my mother said no matter what!

There was severe punishment if I didn’t obey.

My name was called and I was taken to an office where a well dressed woman talked to me about the “blob of flesh” they needed to remove. Not one time did she refer to the “blob” as a baby!

I was so confused and very scared! Moments later a nurse comes in to lead me down the hallway to an exam room. She has me to undress then lay on the exam table then gives me a shot.

In a short time a man in a white coat comes in and has me to put my feet in the stirrups at the foot of the exam table. I’m not sure what he’s doing but the most excruiting pain hits my abdomen. I cry out!

He tells me, not too nicely, “Just be still. It’ll be over soon!”

The pain was horrific!

I hear a vacuum like sound then a few minutes later a number of plopping sounds like something being dropped in a bucket of liquid.

It didn’t take long. The doctor leaves the room and the nurse tells me to get dressed. As I’m leaving the room I stumble over something. I look down and there on the floor at the end of the exam table is a five gallon bucket half filled with bloody looking blobs. I almost vomit!

My baby had ended up torn apart retchedly disposed of in a bucket of other babies torn apart and murdered!

I was sixteen years old.

That baby would now be 43 years old!

It’s taken a great deal of counseling, massive amounts of prayer, many sleepless nights, drugs, alcohol and more trying to move past the deep intense pain of what I’d done.

Now I have peace…oh not because of what I did but because I know God has forgiven me! It’s taken a lot for me to learn to let it go, to forgive myself and to use the horrible thing I did to hopefully help someone else!

If you’ve had an abortion there is forgiveness! And there can be peace.

I am praying for you!

I’m here to listen to your story.

Pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

Warrior Rising Up

Some days are better than others.

Listen to your heart.

Listen for your voice for it’s in there waiting to be released!

Never allow anyone to put you down or cause you to doubt your own worth!

You really are a force to be reckoned with!

You are a #warriorrisingup

Have a wonderfully beautiful day!!

#Iamavoiceforthevoiceless

#Iamawarriorrisingup

#Iamdeeplylovedbyme

Under the Spreading Apple Tree….it happened

(Possible trigger warning)

The blooming apple tree, for me, signifies spring is indeed springing though this year there seems to be some confusion on this season if its coming or going. Its been warm then it gets really cold and even attempts to snow but that makes the seasons interesting in Kentucky! It’s never boring!

Just outside my office window this apple tree has beautiful blooms beginning with the buds then the opening plus there is a sweet, deep fragrence! Until just a few days ago I didn’t realize how lovely an apple tree smells.

For me for many long years I hated the apple tree! I dreaded to see the tree burst forth in bloom every spring with out fail. Yes, I know hate is a strong word but that’s how I felt.

That is until this year!

This year I decided to gain some control over those hateful feelings by confronting my memories associated with blooming apple trees!

You see, one of the first memories of my child abuse that returned was of me as a very young girl, laying naked on a clear sheet of plastic down in the backyard under a blooming apple tree. I remember disassociating thinking I was sitting up in that tree watching what was being done to that little girl by her uncle and grandmother thinking how horribly bad that was.

I so wanted to rescue that little girl!

I so wanted to protect her but I wasn’t able to!

I was that little girl!

April is National Child Abuse Awareness month and it’s the month apple trees are normally in bloom. Ironic.

So this week I walked out to the apple tree right outside my office window and had a good talk. I apologized to that little girl of long ago telling her how sorry I was she was ever hurt! I reminded her of her worth and value and that she was oh, so loved! And that she’s gonna do great things by telling her story to others so that they too can find their healing path!

And I spent time once again asking God to help me forgive those who had violated my being, my mind and my little girls body!

And to forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness against my abusers for so long, for not letting go of the pain and resentment sooner.

I chose on purpose to forgive them and move forward. There is way more peace in the forgiveness that in staying in the memories of the past.

Besides I’ve got way too much good to do! I’ve got more books to write! Words to share with others offering hope and help as they take necessary steps to overcome their painful past.

No one ever deserves to be abused! Ever!!

The trauma effects of child abuse afterward can be life altering but they do not necessarily have to steal your life!

You can grow and heal from child abuse!

If you need someone to be your voice until you gain yours I’d be honored to do so!

I’d love to hear your story!

You can reach out to me at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

I’ve written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, as a work of fiction based on a true story, mine!

Together we will become a force to be reckoned with!

Together we can help move many mountains!

#Iamavoiceforthevoiceless

May you have a sweet, peaceful day!

Healing Child Abuse and the Mother

She carried me in her womb for nine months and raised me until I left home. That doesn’t mean she was a good mother. Maybe she did the best she could though!

Just as there is a dash on our tombstone between our birth and death there should be a dash or some such marker from our birth until we leave home.

Jeremiah 1:5 tells us God knew us before He even formed us in our mother’s womb. I used to hate that scripture because I thought it meant that God had placed me where He had, with the mother I have, on purpose knowing what would happen to me before it did. I used to think He’d planned for me to be hurt all along. That was a lie from the devil!

And the answer is ‘yes’ He did know.

I have no clue why God allowed the abuse in my life. I used to demand to know. Now I am thankful I just lived through it as sane and as healed as I am because I now know I could be dead or in an insane asylum.

My mother told me some years ago, “Well you’re no better off than I am so why shouldn’t you have been abused!” Wow…

After reading some letters she wrote to her siblings I now know just a bit of the abuse she had to endure and I know her own mother had endured abuse as well.

My husband and I went to see my mom today. She’s in a nursing home. She has started down the path of Alzheimer’s and it hurts my heart.

She and I have never had the mother / daughter relationship I so craved and still miss. I’ve learned how to glean that particular desire to be cared for and filled from God. His word tells us He is our momma and poppa as we need and right now my need of Him is to be close to me. Today it’s heavy!

Not only did God know me before He formed me; He knew that I would experience much horrific child abuse. He knew that for many years I’d battle with my mother for her part in all my pain and He knew I’d draw close to Him for my healing and learn how to release all the hurts, all the memories to Him so I could learn how to forgive my mother.

So today we visit her. She still looks the same but her mind is not the same at all. She does remember me which I’m very thankful for.

She frequently asked to go home, to the ole home place yet, she doesn’t seem to remember I too grew up there. She doesn’t remember that there’s now no home to go back to because someone burnt it down years ago.

Sometimes it scares me when she gets that look in her eyes as she demands to get out and go home. I can not help her and pray for peace over her mind.

I am so thankful God helped me to let the pain and hate and fear, of my childhood especially pertaining to my mom, go and be healed!

The old rock foundation is all that’s left standing of the home place yet time has gone on and healing has taken place in my soul.

I’m so thankful I’m now strong enough to love on her in her last years!

Everyone deserves love!

Everyone!

Who are you? 3 Ways to Rewire Your Brain.

Who are you?!?

Not what you do.

Not who your parents are.

Not who you hang out with.

Not who you’re married to.

Not what you like to do.

Who are you?

Now maybe you’ve got it down pat and know without a doubt who you are! Super great! I celebrate with and for you!

For me, it’s taken me years to realize I have been identifying with a false self, a self those in my family of origin tried to fit on me that was developed out of dysfunction and mental illness.

Now, here today I am learning who I am!

I am shaking off those false beliefs and wrapping myself in Truth! It takes time and practice but I am choosing on purpose to erase those false lies that have been on a continual loop in my mind all these years with a new vibrant, life giving message.

If I don’t make the decision to change the message I constantly hear I will never heal and become the vibrant woman I was meant to be.

You can too!

How?

1. Determine if the message, the words you hear in your head, are life giving or if instead, they make you feel dark and depressed.

You have the power to make a decision to change them so You hear life and not death!

2. Learn to catch those messages quickly and hit the ‘stop’ button in your mind!

The sooner you begin to recognize negative messages and refuse to allow them access to your mind the sooner you’ll have a healthier you!

3. Replace all negative messages with positive ones.

For me this has been the hardest cuz I’ve been so used to listening to the negative ones. Plus its just always been easier to identify with lies instead of fighting them with Truth! I didn’t feel worthy of the Truth!

However, I’m gaining strength in this area as I am now learning to write positive things about myself on sticky notes or my white board so I read them Out Loud frequently. My brain needs to hear my Truth often in order to rewire my thinking process of myself.

You can do this too!

I have faith in you!

You are bright and shinning!

You are valuable and have great worth!

You have great purpose!!

Have a wonderful day!

I’d love to hear how you’re doing!

You are loved!

You are a beautiful and unique individual!

You were created for a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11) to do great and mighty things to become a world changer!

You are valued and worthy!

You are delightful and a loving individual!

May today be your special day you sense great and mighty love and acceptance!

#iamavoiceforthevoiceless