You Were Meant for Love

Kari Kobe has a song out, The More I Seek You, that totally wrecks me!! I listen to it over and over.

We were all created for LOVE….to receive love, to give love! We were created with a deep need to be loved and accepted!

So many times that doesn’t happen in our lives. Maybe we had dysfunctional parents or care givers who were never taught this love thing therefore they did not teach their children how to love.

Have you ever watched an innocent child? They just love…openly…without hesitation. That’s simply how they were created!

But…..

Life comes along and many times stirs things up on the inside….changes our belief system…causes us to put up these gyhugic walls we think is for our protection. Funny thing bout walls is that yes, they will offer a form of protection keeping the bad out. They will also keep the good out and….they will keep us in!

For many years of my life I now realize I’ve lived my life behind these walls hoping for protection yet denying myself thw very thing was created for: Love!

I’d learned very early in my childhood that I was a bad person, dirty, nasty, unlovable….or so I thought! I was listening to and believing those lies!

I was wrong!

I was none of those things!

I’ve been learning I am the opposite..I am amazing…I am unique…I am loveable…I am worthy…I am able to give and receive love!

My beloved, my husband, has worked hard at helping me to tear down my walls. And yes they leave me very vulnerable but I am now feeling way more than ever before.

Love is real! Love can and often does hurt! Love is fulfilling!

You were made to love!

More importantly, you were made to be loved! You are lovely and so worth being loved!

You are uniquely you! There is not another person like you now or ever!

I encourage you to begin today tearing down your walls to let thw light of love in! You don’t have to live a lifeless life…real, true, life changing love!

You are worthy!

You are loved!

I’d love to hear your story!

I am praying for you!

Drop me a line at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

You are worthy!

You….yes you…are such a beautiful individual!!

You have purpose and value!

You have a great destiny!

You are precious in His eyes!

You were born with a purpose, a reason!

There is One who longs to walk with you!

He can give you peace in a chaotic world!

His sweet love!

Surrender.

No fear.

Purposeful.

Changes.

Great love.

Under the Spreading Apple Tree….it happened

(Possible trigger warning)

The blooming apple tree, for me, signifies spring is indeed springing though this year there seems to be some confusion on this season if its coming or going. Its been warm then it gets really cold and even attempts to snow but that makes the seasons interesting in Kentucky! It’s never boring!

Just outside my office window this apple tree has beautiful blooms beginning with the buds then the opening plus there is a sweet, deep fragrence! Until just a few days ago I didn’t realize how lovely an apple tree smells.

For me for many long years I hated the apple tree! I dreaded to see the tree burst forth in bloom every spring with out fail. Yes, I know hate is a strong word but that’s how I felt.

That is until this year!

This year I decided to gain some control over those hateful feelings by confronting my memories associated with blooming apple trees!

You see, one of the first memories of my child abuse that returned was of me as a very young girl, laying naked on a clear sheet of plastic down in the backyard under a blooming apple tree. I remember disassociating thinking I was sitting up in that tree watching what was being done to that little girl by her uncle and grandmother thinking how horribly bad that was.

I so wanted to rescue that little girl!

I so wanted to protect her but I wasn’t able to!

I was that little girl!

April is National Child Abuse Awareness month and it’s the month apple trees are normally in bloom. Ironic.

So this week I walked out to the apple tree right outside my office window and had a good talk. I apologized to that little girl of long ago telling her how sorry I was she was ever hurt! I reminded her of her worth and value and that she was oh, so loved! And that she’s gonna do great things by telling her story to others so that they too can find their healing path!

And I spent time once again asking God to help me forgive those who had violated my being, my mind and my little girls body!

And to forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness against my abusers for so long, for not letting go of the pain and resentment sooner.

I chose on purpose to forgive them and move forward. There is way more peace in the forgiveness that in staying in the memories of the past.

Besides I’ve got way too much good to do! I’ve got more books to write! Words to share with others offering hope and help as they take necessary steps to overcome their painful past.

No one ever deserves to be abused! Ever!!

The trauma effects of child abuse afterward can be life altering but they do not necessarily have to steal your life!

You can grow and heal from child abuse!

If you need someone to be your voice until you gain yours I’d be honored to do so!

I’d love to hear your story!

You can reach out to me at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

I’ve written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, as a work of fiction based on a true story, mine!

Together we will become a force to be reckoned with!

Together we can help move many mountains!

#Iamavoiceforthevoiceless

May you have a sweet, peaceful day!

Healing Child Abuse and the Mother

She carried me in her womb for nine months and raised me until I left home. That doesn’t mean she was a good mother. Maybe she did the best she could though!

Just as there is a dash on our tombstone between our birth and death there should be a dash or some such marker from our birth until we leave home.

Jeremiah 1:5 tells us God knew us before He even formed us in our mother’s womb. I used to hate that scripture because I thought it meant that God had placed me where He had, with the mother I have, on purpose knowing what would happen to me before it did. I used to think He’d planned for me to be hurt all along. That was a lie from the devil!

And the answer is ‘yes’ He did know.

I have no clue why God allowed the abuse in my life. I used to demand to know. Now I am thankful I just lived through it as sane and as healed as I am because I now know I could be dead or in an insane asylum.

My mother told me some years ago, “Well you’re no better off than I am so why shouldn’t you have been abused!” Wow…

After reading some letters she wrote to her siblings I now know just a bit of the abuse she had to endure and I know her own mother had endured abuse as well.

My husband and I went to see my mom today. She’s in a nursing home. She has started down the path of Alzheimer’s and it hurts my heart.

She and I have never had the mother / daughter relationship I so craved and still miss. I’ve learned how to glean that particular desire to be cared for and filled from God. His word tells us He is our momma and poppa as we need and right now my need of Him is to be close to me. Today it’s heavy!

Not only did God know me before He formed me; He knew that I would experience much horrific child abuse. He knew that for many years I’d battle with my mother for her part in all my pain and He knew I’d draw close to Him for my healing and learn how to release all the hurts, all the memories to Him so I could learn how to forgive my mother.

So today we visit her. She still looks the same but her mind is not the same at all. She does remember me which I’m very thankful for.

She frequently asked to go home, to the ole home place yet, she doesn’t seem to remember I too grew up there. She doesn’t remember that there’s now no home to go back to because someone burnt it down years ago.

Sometimes it scares me when she gets that look in her eyes as she demands to get out and go home. I can not help her and pray for peace over her mind.

I am so thankful God helped me to let the pain and hate and fear, of my childhood especially pertaining to my mom, go and be healed!

The old rock foundation is all that’s left standing of the home place yet time has gone on and healing has taken place in my soul.

I’m so thankful I’m now strong enough to love on her in her last years!

Everyone deserves love!

Everyone!

Ristrictions No More

She allowed her fingers to gently skim the surface of the glistening pool slightly distorting her image that briefly reflected back at her. The water, cool and wet, beckoned her to enter into its murky depths enticing her to cast off forever the restrictions that had been placed around her many years ago.

She felt the fire within her being that could enable her to rip off those preconceived restrictions but how? How did she make that happen? That seemed so far outta her reach. She knew they were there, those unseen restrictions places on her by them, those who were supposed to have been her guardians.

But restriction covered her tightly in its unseen garments that had irritated her tender skin and kept her bound since the beginning of her time. Restrictions enacted by them, by the guardians who were to be her protectors had not had her best interest in mind at all.

These restrictions had held tight to her tender, young flesh; pulling, poking and prodding until she thought at times she would surely lose her grip on reality, surely she would lose her mind and end up dead or in an insane asylum.

There were those few times she thought, hoped with everything in her being that she’d finally be free, but sadly she was mistaken, lied to, fooled, tricked all over time and time again! When would she ever taste the sweetness of freedom?

She ached to be released yet she did not realize how very bound up she really was. Oh, to be able to make her own decisions for her own body, her own mind! But no! Someone else was always just a breath away who seemed to hold that ability.

When the earth shook around her in her young years she clinched her body so tightly it quivered; some tried to believe it was with excitement but she felt like a bowl full of red, angry jello.

Even now as an adult she still felt thus in certain settings. Those settings others never knew about nor would have understood. She longed to break out of all her restrictions. She ached to share but she rarely did. She longed to be carefree, to play in the rain, to chase fireflies, to engage with her mystical self but she dared not. She longed to allow the real part of her core person to come forth but she must protect that one with every fiber of her being.

Others were watching and she never knew when they would once again pounce on her forcing their heavy restrictions over her yet again. No, it was better to not let herself long for the sweet taste of freedom and wonder how the sweet, cool water would feel as it gently flowed past her cool skin.

But yet, this could not be, this carrying of the restriction, what was meant for her as the Teacher whom she’d met years ago had assured her if she’d but follow Him then He would show her great mysteries to unfold; He would enable her to rip the scab off of long held secrets that had a cancer like quality that oozed poison into ones body and soul.

No, she had to hold on and put her trust in Him. He had said He would enable her to grow stronger and braver so she would wait and allow this to unfold.

She would not enter into the murky waters depths this day. This day she would stand in the sun there on the bank and allow the heat to burn those areas of resisting from off her being. She would force herself to withstand the burning of refining fire as she grew stronger and her armor became more intact. She would allow herself to be made into a warrior to be useful in leading others to throw off their own restrictions and together they would build up a vital army!

Yes, today she would bask in the fiery heat as she knew she was being moulded onto a stronger core being of herself!

Soon she would emerge as the warrior she’d been destined to be those thousands of years ago!

#warriorrisingup

#iamavoiceforthevoiceless

#secretsnomore