Some Days…..

Some days are like….

Storms Rollin in!

Drama…..

Conflict…..

Physical pain…..

Disappointment…..

and so on…..

Other days be like….

Not all days are the same. They come. They go.

One thing for sure is to learn that this too shall pass. It may sometimes take more than a day but it will pass…it will fade away!

I’m so thankful in the middle of my yulk days and my good days I’m never alone!

He never leaves me nor forsake me.

I must learn good self care and shore up my healthy boundaries!

Writing is My Dream! What’s Yours?

I #amwriting for it soothes my soul and calms the savage beast in me that threatens to rise up out of my being and consume all within its path…..or so it seems.

Writing clears my head and helps me stay focused. Writing helps to get the words outta my head and on to paper…yes I still do the old fashion writing when I journal…but mainly use my laptop. Writing has been for many years, my friend!

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It is so wonderfully exciting to have my first book published and on Amazon Kindle.

 

Of course I want you to buy my book and read it for it is an amazing story about hope and overcoming much adversity of the past! I also believe this book is a wonderful resource for any counselor, teacher, doctor, etc to have in their personal library. Why? Because this book is written based on a true story: Mine!

This book offers hope and healing! It offers those who have been effected by abuse in any form a way to rise up out of the deep, dark hole so many times we find ourselves in to where we can begin to see the light of day, a ray of sunshine, a glimmer of hope! Hope! It’s what the world needs more of!

Mainly I want you to know to NEVER give up on your dream no matter what it is! I’ve been fighting for mine for many years and now I see the reality of my book in paperback and on Kindle! That is so amazing!!

 

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

You have within you a dream!
What is it? Do you know?

I’d love to hear from you and help you discover what your dream is!

Give me a holler sometime. Maybe we can meet for a cup of coffee or over a cyber cup!

Have a sweet evening and remember to dream! They do come true!

I can’t wait to hear your dream!

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I Used to Hate Mother’s Day

I used to hate Mothers Day! Until this weekend when Poppa God spoke very clearly to me that it was actually a choice I had! We all have choices to make.

Why did I hate Mother’s Day?

Because I felt I’d been cheated!

I felt I’d missed out on the fairy tale of having that sweet experience of having a loving mother to protect me from all the bad things in this world.

I did not have that at all so for many years I’d felt sorry for my self! Ahhh poor little me!

Yes, it did and has greatly hurt that I didn’t get to have that better experience; however, please allow me to share three (3) important things my mom did teach me!

1. Look for Hidden Treasures

My mom is now in a nursing home so being an only child I’ve acquired her personal effects. Last fall I was going through one of her many totes of stuff and found one stuffed full of my things!! Yes! My things!

There were baby bottles, a cloth diaper with diaper pins. Many little outfits… some of which she’d sewn herself from the feed sack material she got with huge bags of feed for the goats she raised. Those goats helped provide meat and milk for her, my grandmother and me!

And several pairs of my little shoes. There were several of my toys and books. And gobs of pictures! From birth all the way into my young adulthood. Oh goodness! I’m looking forward to creating a scrapbook of her memories with me!

Those my friends were hidden treasures I will forever cherish!

I grew up thinking my mother didn’t love me because of all the abuse that happened to me. But I believe she loved me the best she knew how, from the way she’d been taught.

Sidenote: I’ve gained more truth down through the years of how she too suffered abuse as a young child for many years!

2. Perseverance is Key

My mom was a hard worker. She worked cleaning peoples houses and often times being treated disrespectfully! But she worked. She also went back to night school when I was around nine years old to get her GED. Later she went on to obtain her CNA training!

She helped around the old home place raising huge gardens, raising goats and chickens all the while with very little help or money. Yep we were poor but I lived through it and learned a lot!

She kept going!

I have learned it takes hard work to overcome the lies of an abusive childhood!

I did not give up!

3. What NOT to do!

I was about 14 years old. We were standing in the kitchen. It was summer. I’d asked to go hang out with some of my friends. She told me ‘no’ and I smarted off so she hauled off and slapped the fire outta my left cheek.

I remember so clearly thinking that when I grew up and had kids and a family they’d always know I loved em!

In looking back there are many choices I’d made differently in my motherhood, yet I did the best I knew how to do! Without a doubt I know God helped me to grow!

I did not pass on that generational curse of abuse!

I did not withhold my love!

I did not not tell my son how much I loved him and how proud of him I was and am!!

I am choosing to celebrate today being a momma to a fabulous son and all the spiritual children Poppa God’s blessed me with!

I’m choosing to celebrate the mother I have dispute all the imperfections!

Because of her I am alive and experiencing the amazing life I’ve been blessed with!

I have an over the top husband and family!

I am one majorly blessed woman!

I pray you mothers today no matter what your circumstances will have a sweet peaceful day!

Under the Spreading Apple Tree….it happened

(Possible trigger warning)

The blooming apple tree, for me, signifies spring is indeed springing though this year there seems to be some confusion on this season if its coming or going. Its been warm then it gets really cold and even attempts to snow but that makes the seasons interesting in Kentucky! It’s never boring!

Just outside my office window this apple tree has beautiful blooms beginning with the buds then the opening plus there is a sweet, deep fragrence! Until just a few days ago I didn’t realize how lovely an apple tree smells.

For me for many long years I hated the apple tree! I dreaded to see the tree burst forth in bloom every spring with out fail. Yes, I know hate is a strong word but that’s how I felt.

That is until this year!

This year I decided to gain some control over those hateful feelings by confronting my memories associated with blooming apple trees!

You see, one of the first memories of my child abuse that returned was of me as a very young girl, laying naked on a clear sheet of plastic down in the backyard under a blooming apple tree. I remember disassociating thinking I was sitting up in that tree watching what was being done to that little girl by her uncle and grandmother thinking how horribly bad that was.

I so wanted to rescue that little girl!

I so wanted to protect her but I wasn’t able to!

I was that little girl!

April is National Child Abuse Awareness month and it’s the month apple trees are normally in bloom. Ironic.

So this week I walked out to the apple tree right outside my office window and had a good talk. I apologized to that little girl of long ago telling her how sorry I was she was ever hurt! I reminded her of her worth and value and that she was oh, so loved! And that she’s gonna do great things by telling her story to others so that they too can find their healing path!

And I spent time once again asking God to help me forgive those who had violated my being, my mind and my little girls body!

And to forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness against my abusers for so long, for not letting go of the pain and resentment sooner.

I chose on purpose to forgive them and move forward. There is way more peace in the forgiveness that in staying in the memories of the past.

Besides I’ve got way too much good to do! I’ve got more books to write! Words to share with others offering hope and help as they take necessary steps to overcome their painful past.

No one ever deserves to be abused! Ever!!

The trauma effects of child abuse afterward can be life altering but they do not necessarily have to steal your life!

You can grow and heal from child abuse!

If you need someone to be your voice until you gain yours I’d be honored to do so!

I’d love to hear your story!

You can reach out to me at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

I’ve written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, as a work of fiction based on a true story, mine!

Together we will become a force to be reckoned with!

Together we can help move many mountains!

#Iamavoiceforthevoiceless

May you have a sweet, peaceful day!

Who are you? 3 Ways to Rewire Your Brain.

Who are you?!?

Not what you do.

Not who your parents are.

Not who you hang out with.

Not who you’re married to.

Not what you like to do.

Who are you?

Now maybe you’ve got it down pat and know without a doubt who you are! Super great! I celebrate with and for you!

For me, it’s taken me years to realize I have been identifying with a false self, a self those in my family of origin tried to fit on me that was developed out of dysfunction and mental illness.

Now, here today I am learning who I am!

I am shaking off those false beliefs and wrapping myself in Truth! It takes time and practice but I am choosing on purpose to erase those false lies that have been on a continual loop in my mind all these years with a new vibrant, life giving message.

If I don’t make the decision to change the message I constantly hear I will never heal and become the vibrant woman I was meant to be.

You can too!

How?

1. Determine if the message, the words you hear in your head, are life giving or if instead, they make you feel dark and depressed.

You have the power to make a decision to change them so You hear life and not death!

2. Learn to catch those messages quickly and hit the ‘stop’ button in your mind!

The sooner you begin to recognize negative messages and refuse to allow them access to your mind the sooner you’ll have a healthier you!

3. Replace all negative messages with positive ones.

For me this has been the hardest cuz I’ve been so used to listening to the negative ones. Plus its just always been easier to identify with lies instead of fighting them with Truth! I didn’t feel worthy of the Truth!

However, I’m gaining strength in this area as I am now learning to write positive things about myself on sticky notes or my white board so I read them Out Loud frequently. My brain needs to hear my Truth often in order to rewire my thinking process of myself.

You can do this too!

I have faith in you!

You are bright and shinning!

You are valuable and have great worth!

You have great purpose!!

Have a wonderful day!

I’d love to hear how you’re doing!

I Am Not My Anxiety!

Feelings.

Emotions.

Anxiety.

Truth.

Lies.

As I’ve grown older in my adulthood I’ve become more aware of these parts of me. I used to battle panic… fear…. anxiety….parinonia…and more most of my life.

I grew up in a very abusive and dysfunctional home so for me those things were normal. That is until I grew old enough to realize my home life was not normal even though for me it appeared to be so. They were not normal and caused great damage!

Many people I know who have experienced chronic childhood trauma still fight their inner demons….and may continue to do so the rest of their life. I know for me my battle has lessened yet I’m still alert to those triggers.

So many seem not to understand, or for whatever reason chose not to do so, that anxiety is very real! I so wish I never had to experience those feelings ever again.

Personally for me Jesus and my beloved husband have helped me to overcome and grow even more!

I’m so very thankful I don’t have those terrible attacks as frequently as I used to but they’re still there…just beneath the surface of my soul.

Some say I’ll always have them….I dunno. What matters to me is that I am healing and growing and that is possible one step at a time!

If you know someone who deals with anxiety or panic attacks be kind. Don’t tell that person to just get over it or shake it off or to read more scripture and pray harder. Those are really lame things to say!!

When I’m having an anxiety attack its embarrassing because I certainly do not want you to see me at my weakest. Nor do I want your pity.

Just sit with me. Be there for me. Try to distract me. Assure me it will soon pass. (I had a severe one not long ago that lasted bout 5 hours. Longest one in ages!)

Just love and accept me. My anxiety is not something you can catch! Its mine! Although it is loosening its hold on me.

If I have anxiety the rest of my life, so be it! Even so, I will life my life to the fullest because I refuse to allow those who ripped my innocence from my soul any more power!

I am choosing to be a Voice for the Voiceless!

It is time!

Follow me at: Author Pamela Richards-Woodall on Facebook and on Twitter.

I’ve released my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, which is a great story and resource of how a young girl searches and finds her help and hope in overcoming a very painful past!

You may contact my publisher, Oak Tree Publishing Company, at oaktreepub@yahoo.com to purchase a copy.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Ristrictions No More

She allowed her fingers to gently skim the surface of the glistening pool slightly distorting her image that briefly reflected back at her. The water, cool and wet, beckoned her to enter into its murky depths enticing her to cast off forever the restrictions that had been placed around her many years ago.

She felt the fire within her being that could enable her to rip off those preconceived restrictions but how? How did she make that happen? That seemed so far outta her reach. She knew they were there, those unseen restrictions places on her by them, those who were supposed to have been her guardians.

But restriction covered her tightly in its unseen garments that had irritated her tender skin and kept her bound since the beginning of her time. Restrictions enacted by them, by the guardians who were to be her protectors had not had her best interest in mind at all.

These restrictions had held tight to her tender, young flesh; pulling, poking and prodding until she thought at times she would surely lose her grip on reality, surely she would lose her mind and end up dead or in an insane asylum.

There were those few times she thought, hoped with everything in her being that she’d finally be free, but sadly she was mistaken, lied to, fooled, tricked all over time and time again! When would she ever taste the sweetness of freedom?

She ached to be released yet she did not realize how very bound up she really was. Oh, to be able to make her own decisions for her own body, her own mind! But no! Someone else was always just a breath away who seemed to hold that ability.

When the earth shook around her in her young years she clinched her body so tightly it quivered; some tried to believe it was with excitement but she felt like a bowl full of red, angry jello.

Even now as an adult she still felt thus in certain settings. Those settings others never knew about nor would have understood. She longed to break out of all her restrictions. She ached to share but she rarely did. She longed to be carefree, to play in the rain, to chase fireflies, to engage with her mystical self but she dared not. She longed to allow the real part of her core person to come forth but she must protect that one with every fiber of her being.

Others were watching and she never knew when they would once again pounce on her forcing their heavy restrictions over her yet again. No, it was better to not let herself long for the sweet taste of freedom and wonder how the sweet, cool water would feel as it gently flowed past her cool skin.

But yet, this could not be, this carrying of the restriction, what was meant for her as the Teacher whom she’d met years ago had assured her if she’d but follow Him then He would show her great mysteries to unfold; He would enable her to rip the scab off of long held secrets that had a cancer like quality that oozed poison into ones body and soul.

No, she had to hold on and put her trust in Him. He had said He would enable her to grow stronger and braver so she would wait and allow this to unfold.

She would not enter into the murky waters depths this day. This day she would stand in the sun there on the bank and allow the heat to burn those areas of resisting from off her being. She would force herself to withstand the burning of refining fire as she grew stronger and her armor became more intact. She would allow herself to be made into a warrior to be useful in leading others to throw off their own restrictions and together they would build up a vital army!

Yes, today she would bask in the fiery heat as she knew she was being moulded onto a stronger core being of herself!

Soon she would emerge as the warrior she’d been destined to be those thousands of years ago!

#warriorrisingup

#iamavoiceforthevoiceless

#secretsnomore