#rape #abortion Now #secretsnomore

Triggers: rape, abortion and child abuse

We all have secrets.

I’ve learned if those secrets aren’t told, if they’re not allowed to be released then our body and mind will become infected! It’s been proven that many of our physical issues can be traced back to our holding onto secrets.

Secrets are poison!

I recently posted 3 physical areas I fought to overcome due to many years of childhood trauma. There is a vital connection.

I’m learning the freedom of telling my #secrets though not everyone is able to do so.

That’s one reason I am a #voiceforthevoiceless because not everyone has yet found his or her voice.

And not always is it easy for me to share my secrets. When I share it makes me very vunerable; however, I know how vitally important it is to speak the truth!

#Truth brings healing and freedom and a deep compassion for others who are hurting.

But it’s not all fun and good vibes! I get hate mail through emails and message on social media but I figure that’s just a few obstacles in my path.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up this morning from a dream where I was talking out loud and weeping. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t get the dream outta my consciousness so I just got up and poured my first cup of steaming hot coffee of the day.

In the dream I was a young teenager. I was standing in the principle’s office at my high school looking at a lot of fellow students through a large glass window while holding the desk microphone talking. And I was crying.

I woke up saying, “All I ever wanted was a mom to love me and accept me just as I am!”

In the dream as I’m emotionally talking suddenly the door opens and a young teen girl with long blonde hair comes towards me saying, “You have to stop talking now! You’re causing a lot of trouble!”

(No clue the importance of hair color but it was a strong image.)

This young girl was reaching towards me trying to take the Mic away from me telling me that I had to “be quiet!”

“You’re telling too much! You’ve gotta be quiet! You’ve shared too many things!”

But somehow I knew I couldn’t be quiet any longer! I had to tell my truth!

You see not long before this event I’d been raped at the football field and ended up pregnant. My mother convinced the doctor that I needed an abortion otherwise I’d go crazy and hurt myself or the baby! So they make this plan and in a few weeks I’m no longer pregnant.

I’d tried ever so hard to protect my unborn babe. My mom knew I was pregnant before I ever told her. Yet still I desperately tried to protect my baby.

The day arrived when she drove me to another city where I was scheduled to get my abortion. I was so scared but had been taught to obey whatever my mother said no matter what!

There was severe punishment if I didn’t obey.

My name was called and I was taken to an office where a well dressed woman talked to me about the “blob of flesh” they needed to remove. Not one time did she refer to the “blob” as a baby!

I was so confused and very scared! Moments later a nurse comes in to lead me down the hallway to an exam room. She has me to undress then lay on the exam table then gives me a shot.

In a short time a man in a white coat comes in and has me to put my feet in the stirrups at the foot of the exam table. I’m not sure what he’s doing but the most excruiting pain hits my abdomen. I cry out!

He tells me, not too nicely, “Just be still. It’ll be over soon!”

The pain was horrific!

I hear a vacuum like sound then a few minutes later a number of plopping sounds like something being dropped in a bucket of liquid.

It didn’t take long. The doctor leaves the room and the nurse tells me to get dressed. As I’m leaving the room I stumble over something. I look down and there on the floor at the end of the exam table is a five gallon bucket half filled with bloody looking blobs. I almost vomit!

My baby had ended up torn apart retchedly disposed of in a bucket of other babies torn apart and murdered!

I was sixteen years old.

That baby would now be 43 years old!

It’s taken a great deal of counseling, massive amounts of prayer, many sleepless nights, drugs, alcohol and more trying to move past the deep intense pain of what I’d done.

Now I have peace…oh not because of what I did but because I know God has forgiven me! It’s taken a lot for me to learn to let it go, to forgive myself and to use the horrible thing I did to hopefully help someone else!

If you’ve had an abortion there is forgiveness! And there can be peace.

I am praying for you!

I’m here to listen to your story.

Pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

Rape: It is real!

Trigger Warning!!!

I had a dream last night about rape!

Not of me being raped but women I know, have known since high school and those who went to school with my son and other women I know.

It was a very disturbing dream!

I hate these kinds of dreams for to me there is no point in them except the enemy messing with my sleep; however, the more I’ve pondered on this subject this morning the more I wonder if I’m to share my words…again.

I’ve been criticized for sharing too much, for being so open yet I know God has called me to be transparent of what I’ve experienced in hopes of showing others who may have suffered similar experiences that there is hope in Him!

Rape is sexual intercourse, either with the man’s penis or some object inserted into the victim, against the other person’s will!

With regard to my experiences in my childhood I’ve used the words assault, molested, violated but today let’s call it what it really is/was: RAPE!!!

And rape can be carried out by women!

Rape is having some object, human or not, forced inside any of your openings against your will!

Rape is wrong!

Rape can happen to little girls and boys, women and men!

I truly can’t count the times I’ve been raped from before I did not have memories up to my adulthood! It was wrong!

Rape is about the rapist being a bully!
Rape is about the rapist humiliating the one being raped!
Rape is about the rapist needing the power over another!

Rape is wrong!!

Some of my rapists are dead and gone, others are not!

In my dream I had a tazer like object but when I touched these people who were raping they just dissolved! How cool is that!!!

It has taken boat loads of prayers, tears, hard work and quality counselors to help me get past my former horrific experiences! I praise God He has me in the palm of His hand. I don’t know why I had to go through what I did but I can guarantee you if it was to help one person I will share my story anywhere I can!

You can heal from rape, from abuse!

You must be willing to fight the fight to overcome and rise above it!

I share a lot of these experiences in my book, Secrets in the Hollers, as well as the new one, Secrets Exposed!

It is high time to tell the secrets!

I hope you will stand with me in stating that there should be #secretsnomore !

I’d love to hear your story!

You are not alone and someone does truly care about you!

I am a #warriorrisingup !!!

Check our my facebook page at: Author Pamela Richards Woodall

I am available for speaking engagements and training opportunities working to help heal the hurting from various abusive situations!

You do not have to bear the pain alone!

Sins of the Mothers…. Forgiveness Happens

The totes were stuffed full of almost every imaginable thing. She’d been goin through them one at a time for sever all weeks because doing so all at once was way too daunting. It wasn’t easy digging through the envelopes of paid bills, doctors information, letters from social security, bill collectors, cards, letters from friends and family and more.

She’d recently sorted through the tote that held the cherished antique photos of her grandparents, two, one from their early days and a much later one after life had it them hard. These photos would soon hang on her wall in special remembrance. 

Today she’d opened the tote that held her very own baby clothes wrapped up in paper and placed in a plastic bag as if trying to protect them. She also found two of her baby bottles, one glass and one hard plastic. Both still had the black ring and stopper though no nipple. And her baby shoes. An old cloth diaper and diaper pins. Oh and she’d been so delighted when she pulled several articles of clothing from her early childhood years. Only one piece had been store bought, the others either hand sewn or machine stitched.

And she even found her baby book with information of her birth. That was a special treasure! There was her name written in pencil by her mother all those many years ago.

This discovery was shocking to the woman who was now going through these items tryin to decide what to keep and what to toss. Truthfully and sadly, this woman all her life had wondered if her mother really loved and cared about her. Now that truth seemed to point in the direction of affirmative. 

During the reading of old letters the daughter had discovered secrets her mother shared of her many years of sexual abuse by a close family member. This had been the hardest for the daughter to read and absord about her own mother. The daughter had herself suffered various forms of childhood abuse at the hands of this one perpetrator. The cycle had continued. 

For many years the daughter had fought with her mother, mainly wanting, no needing her mother to love and protect her from those pawing, prodding hands but that never happened. Now the daughter better understood that very possibly the mother simply did not know how to do so. Her own mother hadn’t protected her.

These new revelations softened the daughters heart towards her mother. Oh, no, it certainly didn’t excuse the mothers liability in not having fully protected her daughter. It did, however, help the daughter better understand her mother: A woman who at a young age was raped by this man and the abuse continued many years!

Now her mother resides in a nursing home, often times drifting into her own world. The daughter prays that the world her mother may be a part of is one full of sunshine and wildflower and butterflies and laughter. 

Finally the load seems somehow lighter that she, the daughter, had been carrying concerning her mother and the lack of love she’d felt all her life. Now the daughter was more able to release that burden and let it drift away. 

Now even more healing could take place within the depths of the daughter. Now peace had more room to reside within the daughters heart. 

Forgiveness was at work here.