Under the Spreading Apple Tree….it happened

(Possible trigger warning)

The blooming apple tree, for me, signifies spring is indeed springing though this year there seems to be some confusion on this season if its coming or going. Its been warm then it gets really cold and even attempts to snow but that makes the seasons interesting in Kentucky! It’s never boring!

Just outside my office window this apple tree has beautiful blooms beginning with the buds then the opening plus there is a sweet, deep fragrence! Until just a few days ago I didn’t realize how lovely an apple tree smells.

For me for many long years I hated the apple tree! I dreaded to see the tree burst forth in bloom every spring with out fail. Yes, I know hate is a strong word but that’s how I felt.

That is until this year!

This year I decided to gain some control over those hateful feelings by confronting my memories associated with blooming apple trees!

You see, one of the first memories of my child abuse that returned was of me as a very young girl, laying naked on a clear sheet of plastic down in the backyard under a blooming apple tree. I remember disassociating thinking I was sitting up in that tree watching what was being done to that little girl by her uncle and grandmother thinking how horribly bad that was.

I so wanted to rescue that little girl!

I so wanted to protect her but I wasn’t able to!

I was that little girl!

April is National Child Abuse Awareness month and it’s the month apple trees are normally in bloom. Ironic.

So this week I walked out to the apple tree right outside my office window and had a good talk. I apologized to that little girl of long ago telling her how sorry I was she was ever hurt! I reminded her of her worth and value and that she was oh, so loved! And that she’s gonna do great things by telling her story to others so that they too can find their healing path!

And I spent time once again asking God to help me forgive those who had violated my being, my mind and my little girls body!

And to forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness against my abusers for so long, for not letting go of the pain and resentment sooner.

I chose on purpose to forgive them and move forward. There is way more peace in the forgiveness that in staying in the memories of the past.

Besides I’ve got way too much good to do! I’ve got more books to write! Words to share with others offering hope and help as they take necessary steps to overcome their painful past.

No one ever deserves to be abused! Ever!!

The trauma effects of child abuse afterward can be life altering but they do not necessarily have to steal your life!

You can grow and heal from child abuse!

If you need someone to be your voice until you gain yours I’d be honored to do so!

I’d love to hear your story!

You can reach out to me at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

I’ve written my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, as a work of fiction based on a true story, mine!

Together we will become a force to be reckoned with!

Together we can help move many mountains!

#Iamavoiceforthevoiceless

May you have a sweet, peaceful day!

Warriors Against Child Abuse

She struggled upon rising. Her heart was so heavy. Decisions to be made with no clear direction.

Standing there on the craggy mountain top backed up against the hard rock face she had just a wee bit of protection from the fierce wind that whipped about.

It was here she sought internal restoration. It was here she hoped to regain her strength. She had to. She had her assignments to manage and failure wasn’t an option.

Even taking this precious time to have her armor checked for any tears or openings took valuable time from her plan yet she knew it was vitally needed.

She slowed her breathing and allow her self to still as the little ones examined her with a close eye that would catch even the smallest dent of snag that could bring another destruction.

She looked out over the expanse laid before her. Cities, communities, homesteads and the watchers that were encamped high upon the hills all laid out before her. She’d made her way to this vantage point where she could view their comings and goings.

She knew that the evil one had created a trail into the city below where he plied his filth. He’d brought a new substance within the city walls that provided innocent ones a trip like they’d never taken. This had to go she knew!

And there over in the next town she’d begun to hear of children being made to do things only adult should preform. This made her blood boil causing her muscles to tighten and her hand to clutch her sword tighter! The littles working on her armor tapped her gaining her attention to relax so their work would go smoother. When she tensed her muscles it caused the armor to become one with her flesh making repairs much harder.

She knew immediately when they’d finished with her and stood upright. In doing so she felt the onslaught of the bitter wind whipping her long hair in a multitude of directions and biting her pale skin.

With her armor now fully intact amd having gained needed nourishment she stepped over to the edge of the harsh mountain top viewing all that was laid out before her. She was still tired but had enough strength to preform her next task.

She’d been assigned to advance to the home of a little boy whose father visited him in the middle of the night. This father came when others had drifted off into slumberland full of dreams and peace. This father did not visit his son to offer his noble protectiontion but rather to once again pull his son into the dark, moist pit he himself frequented. This father was the worst in many ways.

Annagaf stood there on the edge of the mountain imagining how she would take care of this father this night….and then she jumped over the edge of the mountain into nothingness. Moments later she landed with a slight thud outside the boys bedroom window where she heard muffled cries.

At that exact moment she allowed herself appeared in the little ones room just in time to stop the father from making his final move.

She made her presence known as she reached for the man’s neck. The little boy looked up at her weeping then realizing she was not to hurt him. With wide eyes the boy watched as suddenly the woman lifted his father off the sagging bed and they both disappeared from view.

Annagaf dropped the man on the cold hard ground near the half circle of men and women gathered in the darken chamber. Tonight his fate would be made known.

Annagaf’s right hand itched as she desperately wanted to lift her sword but up on looking at Gazar she knew to hault her desires. She would wait this night to see what the fate of this coward would be.

For now she had to ready herself for her next assignment for there were surely many other children to save!

She was a warrior!