Mental Health and Truth

We have stepped into the second month of a brand new year and a brand new decade. How exciting is that! The sound of that just seems to hold many new and adventurous possibilities doesn’t it?

Yet, how many of us are making healthy choices on purpose?

How many of us are determined to face the truth of our issues?

Many times I’ve pretended I was just fine, thank ya very much! When in fact I was dying inside and was silently screaming for someone, somewhere to please find me before I go under the tide for the very last time! But “No”! I couldn’t dare tell you my truth….even though I’ve read that the ‘truth shall set you free’. (John 8:32)

Fear and shame were my constant companions!

black and white black and white depressed depression
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

Fear kept me from reaching out for help; for letting others know, even close friends and family that I was in desperate need of help. Fear kept my mouth shut! I’d often been told as a child when being raped, “If you tell anyone I’ll hurt your mommy like this! Do you want me to do that?” Well, of course not!!

And the shame! Oh my goodness! The black, sticky shame kept me feeling so very unworthy; so extremely dirty; so unwanted and all alone! What if I told you my dark, dirty secrets? Would you still wanta be around me? Would you still wanta be my friend? Would you help me?

And that’s just how the evil one wanted it! I’m one of those individuals that believe we either follow good or evil. There’s no in-between! So, now in looking back, I can easily see where the devil was working through those around me to keep me down, to keep the evil thoughts flowing through my mind, to entice me to make unhealthy choices! For many of my years, I did not realize nor own my truth that I had a choice: That I could say, “NO!” I did not know I could!

 

fb_img_1559728461473

The first time I remember having a thought that I could say ‘no’ was during an attempted unsuccessful sexual encounter in my late teen years. I declined a guy’s advances which he did not like at all. That was the beginning of my awakening from the deep slumber that had been injected into my being many years ago of believing I had to go along with what was done to me as well what was expected of me. It took years of counseling, lots of determination to overcome the lies and false beliefs of my past, many prayers and a lot of starts and stops! I had to choose to become healthy! Because I was worth it!

Now, I believe we can all begin in this New Year, this new decade, to make a difference for those around us, for those younger than us rising up to become leaders in the tomorrows by exposing once and for all those lies connected with mental health issues, that there should not be a taboo on this subject. Of course we need balance as we decide with whom to share our stuff. But we need not feel ashamed in doing so either! Nor do we need to shame others!

I firmly believe that it is now time to pull the scab off of our mental health issues and get to the root of the problem! Various forms of abuse are often the root of addictions and other unhealthy practices but we do not have to remain stuck in that lifestyle! There is hope and help! There is freedom and healing!

How I so wish someone would have been brave enough to step into my mess with me. Healing is messy and maybe not everyone is cut out to get down in the ditch of mess and help an individual. But, maybe we need to do so! We at Broken Pieces No More, Inc firmly believe that once we begin to examine and deal with root issues we’ll begin to see a more healed society. We believe no one deserves to be abused and that’s why we exist; to help raise awareness of various forms of abuse and addictions as well as providing healthy healing options.

 

autumn fall forest leaves

I now have more peace and hope than ever! I believe you can too!

You can reach us at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or Broken Pieces No More Inc on facebook. Or drop us a note at PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502

 

fb_img_1570499967371

Mystery Woman & #mentalhealth

I met a woman this week…some might say a cowinkidink but I think not for I don’t believe in those. She has haunted my thoughts daily ever since.

She and her friend were looking around and popped in my office wanting to know what Broken Pieces No More was!

So I quickly spout out my elevator speech in who we are and our purpose.

I saw a shadow flicker across her face when I mentioned we advocate awareness of various abuses…including domestic violence!

She shared she’d been out of a horribly abusive relationship for bout 5 years.

Before I could stop myself I asked her, “So what have you been doing for your healing in these 5 years?”

She stared me blankly and said, “Why, I don’t know!”

I love honesty!

I invited her to just come hang out if she wanted to, that we always welcome volunteers into our program. She was very interested!

That unexpected question has been hoovering at the peripheral edges of my thoughts every since then.

So my friend, I ask you this same question, “What are you doing to help in your own healing?”

Doesn’t matter who you are or what part of the journey you are on. Doesn’t even matter if your man or woman, boy or girl!

Each of us have been hurt in some way by some one!

And each and every one of us have an individual responsibility to heal from that hurt!

What are some healthy ways you are seeking more healing?

I journal;

listen to worship music;

greatly enjoy being out in nature;

do lots of reading and check in with a few close friends to make sure I’m on the right track.

I also go for a mental health checkup on a regular basis.

#mentalhealth is just as important as any other aspect of our being!

I so wish I could convey to others how vitally important it is to heal from past wounds. If not, then that injured place will become infected and could endanger that individual to growing very ill or even death!

There is medical and scientific proof that our mental health effects every part of our being.

I know I personally have connected the dots in my own healing journey between stomach issues and my state of nervousness/anxiety with past traumatic abuse. Also my back pain with sexual abuse for many years.

As I’ve become more deeply involved in my own healing, I’m now taking back my power by acknowledging that abuse and dealing with it.

One powerful thing I’ve learned to do is to apologize to the little girl within me!

No child ever wakes up one day and declares, “I do believe today is the day I want to be yelled at, beaten, raped and more”!

It was not my fault I was abused!

And I am most certainly NOT my abuse!!

I am healed and being healed!

If it weren’t for my personal relationship with Jesus I seriously doubt I’d even be alive! But I am!

So, I ask you again, “What are you doing to bring about your own personal healing?”

I’m praying for you this day!

You can read more about my childhood in my first book in the Secret series, Secrets in the Holler.

No one deserves to be abused!

I’d be honored to share with your group, organization, church, etc my amazing journey and transformation!

There is hope for healing!

You can check out the faith based nonprofit my husband I formed on face book, Instagram and Twitter at Broken Pieces No More.

As always, you’re not alone!

I’d love to hear from you!

#mentalhealth and Christmas and Forgiving

Merry Christmas to you!

candle celebration christmas christmas decoration
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

I had wondered if we’d have a white Christmas but where we live…nope! Way too warm and that’s nice too!

I have done very little for Christmas this year. It’s simply been way too hard, too stressful to do otherwise. Oh, I tried to decorate. Had big plans for doing so. Even had my wonderful husband to bring my numerous totes of decorations to the house from storage and I even pulled some things out. I do have a few snowmen sitting about the house but that’s it.

I’m not playing scrooge or anything negative. I simply do not have the emotional energy to get caught up in all the hype of the holiday. I find myself struggling…a lot…this year with the expectations of my getting into the spirit of the holiday when I just don’t have it inside.

I refuse to get in to the whole gift giving until credit cards are maxed out! That’s crazy!

Oh, don’t get me wrong! I do celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior for without Him I know I would not be here. I’d be dead or in an insane asylum somewhere. No, I know I’m ridiculously blessed and I’m oh, so grateful for the birth of Jesus!

This year has been way more simple for me!

Not too long ago my mother passed. Six months ago if someone had told me I’d be reacting this way I’d of said they were nuts! My mother and I didn’t have a healthy relationship at all in any area! She was one of my main abusers. But God!

You see, when she’d been placed in a nursing home and Hospice took over her care, she had days where her mind was clear and we’d have time to talk and laugh and make things right. I was able to hear the sweet words from her of ‘I’m sorry’! What a joy! And I hold fast to that!

I’m grateful for learning how to forgive her and all those who hurt me! Forgiving is freedom from being a victim and stepping into being an overcomer!

I’m realizing not only am I mourning her passing; I’m also mourning what I now know I’ll never have! I’ll never have a healthy mother daughter relationship. I must allow that dream to die.

But God! He gave me a sweet gift of those few days with my mother, before she passed, of who I believe was her core being before the demons of her own abuse took over her soul. I am now able to see her through a different lens, through a different set of glasses which enables me to extend grace and mercy to her.

With my mother’s passing I’m finding myself adjusting my sails a bit differently on this sea of life. I’m evaluating and reevaluating my current relationships. I’m seeing more clearly some areas of my life that I now know I must let go of: Those familiar belief systems that were put in place when I was raised in a very dysfunctional, abusive home. Those familiar thoughts that still plague my mind; that feel like falling back into a mound of warm, cushy pillows seemingly all safe and sound. But that is a false belief!

And it’s scary to address those lies from my past, to confront their limited mortality! And it’s my choice as to whether or not I wanta address them, to send them packing and scurrying into the night. It’s my choice if I wanta live in freedom or continue to live in the small sphere of life around me when in fact, when I do choose to let those lies go, when I do choose to expose the lies to the truth, then I will gain a larger sphere. I will gain truth! And the truth will set me free!

I know it’s a process. I know it takes time, lots of hard work and reflection as well as letting go!

So this Christmas I began a new tradition by making an honorary donation in my mother’s name to Broken Pieces No More, Inc for the work they do to help raise awareness of various forms of abuse, addiction as well as providing healthy healing options.

I’m also learning more to be kind to me and not expect so much!

Healing happens! Yet healing is messy!

If there were such a thing as a perfect Christmas it would one where all four of our children and their children along with the rest of our family were together to celebrate our savior’s birth. Until then I continue to pray for healing and His love to transform us all.

I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and happy holidays.

Feel free to contact BPNM at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502.

 

fb_img_1570499967371

 

#domesticviolenceawareness n mental health

20191025_104801

Have you ever sat out in the woods? I try to as often as I can for it brings my soul great relief and peace. I’ve had the wonderful opportunity of sitting there, pondering this or that, when suddenly I hear the plonk-plonk-plink-thud as an acorn has let go and falls to the waiting ground hitting first one branch then another. Or you hear a sound thinking it’s rain and turn to look behind you and your senses are flooded with the visual of a shower of falling leaves of various colors. What a sight to behold!

We all need some time to get away and recharge, renew; to examine those things that are stored up in our soul. But it seems to me in this day and age in which we live folks are so busy, yes even right here in our own little community.  When I sit and people watch I am amazed at how fast everyone seems to be rushing from point A to point B. I can’t help but wonder when, if ever, do they make time to slow down and unwind, recharge, renew?

When you are repeatedly beaten, raped, abused at will by a narcissist, whether as a child or an adult it will mess with your head….massively! Fear, anxiety, depression and more will try to haunt your everyday walk! That’s why it’s so important to find a good counselor and determine to do the work in order to heal.

When you have suffered any form of trauma it rewires your brain. It takes time, healthy counseling (and no, I do not believe all counseling is healthy), for me lots and lots of prayer and hard work to overcome that trauma twisted brain. Those of us who have been affected by various forms of abuse must realize that this is our reality. However, we do not have to remain in this state of mind! We can gain necessary healing by getting to the root of the problem then dealing with it by doing the work to heal.

We must start working towards that as stated in Matthew 15:13, any thing planted within us that is not of God must be yanked up to wither and die!

God did not plant that trauma/abuse in any of us so; we therefore, must allow Him to do His mighty work within us to help us pull those roots out! Expose the lies! Reveal the secrets! Declaw the monsters!

An example from Lisa (not her real name): He called me horrible names and raped me for years until one day I looked in the bathroom mirror, believing his lies, and decided there was no point in my living any longer. My kids would be better off in a foster home. As the tub was filling with hot water, I went and took ever pill I could find. Didn’t matter to me what it was. Then I found the sharpest knife I had and stripped my clothes off and climbed into the hot water. I guess the hot water and pills knocked me out pretty quick so I didn’t get the chance to slit my wrists. My sister found me and called 911. With her help I escaped and moved into a shelter. Now I know better. Now I know I am worthy! Now I am helping others find their worth!

photo of head bust print artwork
Photo by meo on Pexels.com

It takes time to rewire your brain from years of trauma. You can do it! Don’t give up! And don’t give in! You are so very worth the effort!

 

On Nov 8th Broken Pieces No More Inc will have a Family Fundraiser Chili Supper & Silent Auction at Rocky Hollow Athletic Club from 5:00-8:30. National Impressionist/Singer Kevin Adams will provide us with some incredible entertainment. Our board members will be on hand to share more about the vision and purpose of BPNM. There will be unique items to bid on while doing some early Christmas shopping. And great tasting food to enjoy!

You may contact us at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or follow us on face book for updates at Broken Pieces No More Inc. You can also catch us on the twitter at BPNM Inc. You can also drop us a line at PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502.

We’d so love to have you on our team.  Together we can ‘Spark the Change’!

 

#Grievinghurts : The Loss of a Daughter’s Dream Mother

 

Recently, my husband and I placed my mother under Hospice care. That was a hard decision! My mother and I have had a perilous relationship all my life. We never connected in a healthy mother-daughter relationship which has caused me to repeat many of those unhealthy learned behaviors. I’m thankful for those in my life and my relationship with Jesus for helping me see the need to create healthy behaviors and boundaries, and to quickly forgive! Nope…not always easy but necessary!

woman carrying baby at beach during sunset
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

These past weeks as I’ve watched this woman who carried me in her womb and gave birth to me deteriorate, weaken, fall many times, retreat to her childhood, shrink back in morbid fear from whatever demons may be haunting her….I’ve realized I’ve been given a precious gift. And I grabbed it with both hands.

I have traced child abuse back five generations on both sides of my family. Abuse has been a generational curse but for me, it has stopped. I’ve had to do a lot of forgiving but it’s necessary if I am to gain healing and freedom. I chose to forgive my mother which has also led me to forgive her mother and even her mother for not knowing how to bestow on each daughter, in turn, healthy nurturing a mother should be able to willingly do.

We become what we are taught in our childhood whether good or bad. When we are children it is never our fault for the bad things that happen. But when we become an adult, it is our responsibility to seek our Father’s healing through prayer, studying the Word, and seeking godly counselors with an on purpose determination to overcome the lies of the enemy to become the man or woman God designed us to be.

I found this article in Psychology Today about the wounds daughters receive when the mother-daughter relationship is unhealthy.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201304/daughters-unloving-mothers-7-common-wounds

We as mothers do have the ability to turn things around. It is our responsibility to gain healing for ourselves plus teach our daughters and granddaughters how wonderfully special they are! It’s time to stop the cycle of teaching them they are worthless or stupid and will never amount to anything and so much worse! Those are lies from the enemy! Search the Word of God to gain His truth of what He says about you and your children!

For the past several weeks when we’ve visited my mom we’ve been blessed with some good visits: Not all visits have been good. When she’s been alert, she has given us a very special gift! She has apologized to my beloved husband and myself for the hurts she’s caused in our life!

(There have been many wounds that have created a deep chasm down through the fabric of time that can never be changed nor the consequences for those actions. But we learn what we can to grow into a better person and make the choice to not repeat the cycle.)

woman and children taking photo
Photo by kelvin octa on Pexels.com

That for me is huge!! I view these conversations as a sweet gift from God to redeem the past and apply the balm of Gilead to those wounds my soul has carried for many years. And healing my mother’s soul!

I have no idea when she will pass. Doctors say it could happen today or several months from now. She has two large blood clots in her lungs. She’s beginning to eat less and falls frequently. It hurts my heart to see her having to live this way but I know God’s got it! I’m thankful for the blessings I’ve been given. Doesn’t mean it hurts less for I still have a lot of emotional pain but I’m learning to let go and give it to Him! And I am grateful for every visit I get with her especially when she’s alert and we can laugh and enjoy being together!

I’ve made her funeral plans. I know some may think that morbid but I’d rather do it now when there’s less stress than wait till the time is here when the stress will be greater. She says she’s ready to go and is leaving the arrangements up to my husband and me. It will be a sweet home-going! I plan to speak at her home-doing celebration to share the positive things about her and to share also that mental health is so very important!

When you grow up hearing such ugly words from your mother plus all the other abuses, it rips your soul especially from a mother to a daughter. But when you do receive the opportunity to hear your mother look you squarely in the eye and say, “I am sorry I hurt you!” Or, “You are so beautiful!” Or, “I’m so proud of you!” Or, “I know your books are going to help so many people!” It makes your soul gain deep inner healing and soar as it was meant to be!

 

fb_img_1563650020276
My momma and me

I am praying for the relationship you have with your mother, whether she’s alive or passed, whether you’re a son or daughter! It matters! I care! May God through His precious Son, Jesus Christ, touch your soul in a deep way to bring healing!

Please feel to follow us in our new group, Broken Pieces No More, on facebook.

I’d love to hear your story! You can reach me at PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42501 or brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com

No one should ever have to walk alone with all the hurt and sorrow!

 

20190718_131257

Not always a Happy Father’s Day for All

Today is Fathers Day and many are celebrating with great memories of kind and loving fathers.
And that is awesome!

However, not all of us have those sweet memories to fall back on nor a healthy relationship with our father.

Sadly there are those of us who have memories of a mean, uncaring father. Experiences of an abusive father who believed it was his job to teach his child about sex. Memories of ugly words being flung at our tender young soul that still haunt and defile us….from our father.

I applaud all those who have sweet memories of their father. Personally I have no clue what a healthy father-daughter relationship would even look like!

I’m so very thankful I’ve finally reached a point of realizing how very much God longs to be my father and even my mother! He’s a good, good father!

I’m so grateful God has been so patient with me as I’m learning more and more to trust Him! He’s a kind and loving Father!

Today I also pray for those fathers who’s adult children have made the choice to not be in their fathers lives. I know how deeply it hurts fathers!

I pray for my father and continue to lift him up to the Father. I pray my father seeks forgiveness before it’s too late!

I have forgiven my dad. It certainly wasn’t easy but very necessary! And honestly there are still those days my emotions rise up causing me to wanta squish him like a wad of paper.
But I let go and trust God for His healing!

This year instead of focusing on what I never had and focusing on the devastating loss, I am choosing to focus on the positive.

There are many men in my life who demonstrate what it is like to be a healthy father including my own husband! I am choosing to see the positive.

I’m also continuing to explore this new relationship with my Abba God as my father! He will never leave me nor forsake me! And He loves me greatly cuz I’m His favorite! lol

“What will the neighbors think?”

I recently had an opportunity to visit with a friend who’d grown up not far from where I did. We hadn’t seen each other in ages nor had we visited at length as we did yesterday. I walked away from that visit both feeling validated and saddened at the same time. Validated that someone else knew the truth to my story, yet sad because no one stepped forward to rescue the little girl who was being abused.

As she and I began to talk she described what I had thought had been kept secret from the community all those long years ago. After all, grandma was often known to yell, “Now, what will the neighbors think?” I grew up believing I had to please the neighbors, (people pleasing is not good). Back then that’d put fear coursing all throughout my being, now I don’t give a flip! I refuse to give others power over me any longer. (Truthfully, I am working on this one!)

 

black and white black and white depressed depression
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

 

While we sat there talking she began to whisper how she remembered hearing her parents and grandparents talk in a worried way about my safety and well-being. She told me that they prayed a lot for me because “they just knew bad things were happening to me”.

She even shared how her parents somehow heard about how my mother threw my belongings out the front door into the yard when she was trying her hardest to split my beloved and me apart. And she did succeed; however, God has a wonderful way of redeeming according to His plan and will! He put us back together!

Listening to her softly spoken words, almost as if she were embarrassed to share, of various things I’d been exposed to; things that had been done to me I was astounded that others in our community knew of the horror. Why hadn’t someone done something? I’ll never know.

Growing up in an abusive and dysfunctional home can cause many soul scars. Seeking healthy healing along my life’s path has brought me to a place in my life where I now know and fully understand that scripture where it talks about the ‘peace that passes all understanding’. Philippians 4:7 I’ve learned to guard my peace very closely!

scenic view of mountain
Photo by Philip Ackermann on Pexels.com

It has taken a lot of hard work but I now know the power of forgiving others. Those who set out to do me harm, who hurt my little girl’s body. Anyone who has hurt you, it is important for you to make the effort to forgive them. Oh, not for them necessarily but for you! Holding a grudge against another is like eating poison hoping the other person dies and you end up six foot under. Not smart!

Forgive, no matter what they do to you. Acts 7:59-60 NIV ‘While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.’

We all have junk we must overcome. Or we can continue to waller in it all the days of our life not being any real to others, or our self and certainly not being active in furthering the Kingdom of God. I’m on the other side of my battles and I find when I glance back wondering how I made it, how I didn’t die. But God! Now I want to share my truth and see others gain their freedom, their healing, gain their peace of mind which passes all understanding.

You too can gain your peace of mind. I’d love to share with you. Thanks for listening. Remember, you are so very valuable and important. You are beautiful and full of life. You are special and intelligent. You are all this and more. Your Heavenly Father says so and He can’t lie.

Everyone deserves peace!

How do you gain peace for yourself?

What do you do to heal?

We’d love to hear from you. Feel free to email us at brokenpiecesnomore@gmail.com or drop a letter to PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502

I’ve just finished book 2, Secrets Exposed. It will be heading to the printers very soon.

You can follow me on my author page on facebook:

Author Pamela Richards Woodall

 

secrets exposed front for advertising171607360..jpg

Sometimes I Wish…

Sometimes I wish I were brave enough to pack up necessary supplies and head out deep into nature and live among the trees and the animals…drink from a cool mountain stream and listen as the trees whispered encouraging words to me.

Sometimes I wish I were brave enough to stand on the highest mountain top and scream at the top of my lungs, “Enough!”

Enough hate!

Enough hurting!

Enough sadness!

Enough pain!

Sometimes I wish I were brave enough to stand against the assault of the coming storm instead of needing to hunker down and hide.

Sometimes I wish!

Sometimes I wish I were brave enough to tell that one the pain their actions are causing others. And that it’s really as simple as saying, “I’m sorry”. Or, “I forgive you!” But they don’t for whatever reason and the pain erodes a bit deeper and a bit deeper into the soul of a loved one. And it hurts!

And sometimes I wish I were brave like you. I watch you and you seem able to conquer anything that comes your way. It seems that you are able to ride the wind of storms that hit your life and always come out on top. I don’t know how you do it and I am amazed!

Sometimes I wish I was willing to throw all caution to the wind and jump! Jump and take that needed risk. But I hesitate.

Sometimes I wish I could share with you how vulnerable I feel…how open and raw! How that there are those times …like now…I long to escape the harsh realities of life and discover a slower, a softer, a less stressful side of life.

Sometimes I wish…

Ah…but this moment is ever fleeting and soon will be nothing but a mere vapor drifting on the warm updrafts lifting high over the mountains and it will be well.

Soon spring will burst forth, flowers will open up with their glorious beauty, birds will sooth my troubled soul with their chorus and the sun will bath all it touches in its golden glow.

#rape #abortion Now #secretsnomore

Triggers: rape, abortion and child abuse

We all have secrets.

I’ve learned if those secrets aren’t told, if they’re not allowed to be released then our body and mind will become infected! It’s been proven that many of our physical issues can be traced back to our holding onto secrets.

Secrets are poison!

I recently posted 3 physical areas I fought to overcome due to many years of childhood trauma. There is a vital connection.

I’m learning the freedom of telling my #secrets though not everyone is able to do so.

That’s one reason I am a #voiceforthevoiceless because not everyone has yet found his or her voice.

And not always is it easy for me to share my secrets. When I share it makes me very vunerable; however, I know how vitally important it is to speak the truth!

#Truth brings healing and freedom and a deep compassion for others who are hurting.

But it’s not all fun and good vibes! I get hate mail through emails and message on social media but I figure that’s just a few obstacles in my path.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up this morning from a dream where I was talking out loud and weeping. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t get the dream outta my consciousness so I just got up and poured my first cup of steaming hot coffee of the day.

In the dream I was a young teenager. I was standing in the principle’s office at my high school looking at a lot of fellow students through a large glass window while holding the desk microphone talking. And I was crying.

I woke up saying, “All I ever wanted was a mom to love me and accept me just as I am!”

In the dream as I’m emotionally talking suddenly the door opens and a young teen girl with long blonde hair comes towards me saying, “You have to stop talking now! You’re causing a lot of trouble!”

(No clue the importance of hair color but it was a strong image.)

This young girl was reaching towards me trying to take the Mic away from me telling me that I had to “be quiet!”

“You’re telling too much! You’ve gotta be quiet! You’ve shared too many things!”

But somehow I knew I couldn’t be quiet any longer! I had to tell my truth!

You see not long before this event I’d been raped at the football field and ended up pregnant. My mother convinced the doctor that I needed an abortion otherwise I’d go crazy and hurt myself or the baby! So they make this plan and in a few weeks I’m no longer pregnant.

I’d tried ever so hard to protect my unborn babe. My mom knew I was pregnant before I ever told her. Yet still I desperately tried to protect my baby.

The day arrived when she drove me to another city where I was scheduled to get my abortion. I was so scared but had been taught to obey whatever my mother said no matter what!

There was severe punishment if I didn’t obey.

My name was called and I was taken to an office where a well dressed woman talked to me about the “blob of flesh” they needed to remove. Not one time did she refer to the “blob” as a baby!

I was so confused and very scared! Moments later a nurse comes in to lead me down the hallway to an exam room. She has me to undress then lay on the exam table then gives me a shot.

In a short time a man in a white coat comes in and has me to put my feet in the stirrups at the foot of the exam table. I’m not sure what he’s doing but the most excruiting pain hits my abdomen. I cry out!

He tells me, not too nicely, “Just be still. It’ll be over soon!”

The pain was horrific!

I hear a vacuum like sound then a few minutes later a number of plopping sounds like something being dropped in a bucket of liquid.

It didn’t take long. The doctor leaves the room and the nurse tells me to get dressed. As I’m leaving the room I stumble over something. I look down and there on the floor at the end of the exam table is a five gallon bucket half filled with bloody looking blobs. I almost vomit!

My baby had ended up torn apart retchedly disposed of in a bucket of other babies torn apart and murdered!

I was sixteen years old.

That baby would now be 43 years old!

It’s taken a great deal of counseling, massive amounts of prayer, many sleepless nights, drugs, alcohol and more trying to move past the deep intense pain of what I’d done.

Now I have peace…oh not because of what I did but because I know God has forgiven me! It’s taken a lot for me to learn to let it go, to forgive myself and to use the horrible thing I did to hopefully help someone else!

If you’ve had an abortion there is forgiveness! And there can be peace.

I am praying for you!

I’m here to listen to your story.

Pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

#secretsnomore brings victory

Tell me then, are you yet ready to step into #secretsnomore ?

It will require action on your part!

When you decide you’ve had enough, when you decide you deserve better you will then make a choice to change!

As long as you are tied to that secret you will walk with mental bondage!

It’s your choice!

Free mind! Free life!

Secrets poison your entire your being!

#secretsnomore is here to help you, to encourage, to listen to your secret!

You are a precious individual!

You are fearfully and wonderfully made!

You are unique!

Do you feel broken…tired…left out…undone…scared….alone…..

and much more!

You don’t have to! We are here to help!

We’d love to hear from you!

Pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com

Author Pamela Richards Woodall on facebook

Yes my friend, there is indeed hope!!