Real. Raw. And nakked! I was decived!!!

This time in 2015, I made a huge life-changing decision. It was not made lightly but covered with much prayer, tears and questions. No one …I mean NO one…knew what I was dealing with behind closed doors in my marriage. I was so very scared! Terrified, in fact! I had no idea what I’d do or where I’d go. Actually, I was homeless for several months. Oh, I had a safe place to live, which I am forever grateful for, yet I did not have my own home!

I have tried to not go into a lot of details about my previous marriage for several reasons.

One of those is I don’t believe in bashing or trash-talking anyone else, even if it’s a former partner and if there were soul-searing issues! However, there comes a time when the truth must be told.

The second reason I dared not share my truth from those years was that, for the longest time, I felt this deep guilt, shame and condemnation! (I can hear my friend Kathy telling me firmly, ‘Now, where does that come from? You know it surely doesn’t come from the Lord!) She’s right! I mean, when I did make the choice to leave, I found who my real friends were and let me tell ya, they were few and far between!

Oh, I had many ‘friends’ coming out of the woodwork, so to speak, telling me what a godless decision I’d made and how I’d be punished. Yes, I was actually told that!!

Wisdom Nugget:

Please don’t spout scriptures or your belief of scripture if you do NOT have true knowledge of what happened! You are NOT a mind reader. You have NO idea what that person has lived through! When you pounce on someone acting ‘holier than thou,’ you’re only hurting yourself!

This morning I gained a major revelation. I was going through pictures from the summer of 2015. The before and after!

Me bout a week after I left. My sweet daughter-in-law took me to get my hair done completely differently. I had worn it long and dyed a funky blond color. I like this picture greatly!!
When I moved back home, which I swore I never would because there had been a lot of pain at home, I stayed with family members. They welcomed me with open arms. I gained a lot of healing with them in their safe place and I will be forever grateful!
This was taken up the road from the safe place I stayed for a short season. Much healing and love lived there!

Before I left, I lived my life in fear…. gut-wrenching fear! There was much abuse though not physical or sexual. There was a tremendous amount of financial and psychological abuse!

I should never have married this man, but I did. Mainly because I thought I was ‘helping’ God to direct my future instead of relying on Him to direct my path. What I was doing was being deceived! I believed a lie. I was reenacting a pattern in my life. I encourage you to examine repeated patterns. There’s great truth in them if you’ll just look!

Do I have regrets?

Yes, I do!

I hear various arguments about having regrets! Yet, I do. That’s my truth for right now. I regret that I did not listen to wise counsel telling me not to marry a man I’d met online! How foolish I was! You truly can not get to know someone long distance! It’s just not possible! You must develop a long-term trusting relationship face-to-face, and then not everything is always revealed! I was wrong!

I regret disobeying my Heavenly Father. Yet, I am oh, so grateful for His forgiveness, His love, and His mercy!!

There are regrets that still hurt my soul and my heart, yet I know my Abba is healing me deeply!

I’ve repented to Him for my flippant behavior! I pray often to be able to completely forgive those who hurt me. Healing is messy and can take time.

I also pray for God to forgive me for hurting anyone during that season! None of us are perfect and sometimes, I feel so far from that! We all can play a part in someone else’s pain.

As time moves forward, I pray for His leading and continued healing. And that as time allows, I will know when and where to share that part of my story. I also will NOT live in any more fear, guilt, or condemnation!! All that comes from the enemy of my soul!

I now ask Him to help me to forgive myself for being deceived, for making life-altering decisions that not only affected me but many more! And to restore that which was stolen from me during that season!

I will cling to Him to bring even more healing and freedom in my life!

I now choose on purpose to listen for His voice directing me this way or that! I can’t do this thing called life on my own, but with Him, all things are possible!

If you have experienced any season of deception, I am praying for you!

There is HOPE!!

There is healing available!

And there is freedom and peace!

Feel free to reach out at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com or leave a comment below!

I’d love to hear your story!

Fear is a liar!!

Have a beautiful day!

This is me today!!

Happy with my beloved and deeply in love!
And loving life!!

The joy of the Lord is my strength!

Self-Mulitation…Any hope?



What do you think self-mulitation is?

What does is like?

Why would someone want to hurt themselves?

I recently had an eye opening thought hit me bout self harm. It could be cutting, over eating, drugs, drinking, and more!

Have you ever engaged in self-harm?

I did…for many years!
Drugs
Drinking
Sex
And much more!

But now….things are changing!

#healinghappens

I’ll share more in my next post.

I’d love to hear your story. For me, I’ve discovered that just having someone to listen helps me so very much.

I will listen!

Healing happens.
Let’s grow together!


Tis the Season of Grumbling…err…I mean Thanksgiving

Here today as I work on a new blog idea, I look out my window. I have been creating a flower garden for several years now just outside my window to provide inspiration when I get stuck. Writer’s block is not a good thing.

I can look out and see squirrels scurrying about along with a few ground squirrels, Chip and Dale can really move even with those tiny legs!

Photo by Yash Gupta on Pexels.com

I also have a large butterfly bush that has a lovely purple bloom on it. It’s still green even though we’ve been having some damaging frosts lately. Wow…what determination!

I’ve greatly enjoyed my little flower garden. I hope to be able to add to it this next year. I’ve realized that when I first began developing it there was a lot more sun but as the nearby trees grew they are now blocking out a lot of direct sunlight. Flowers need that to shine.

Isn’t that just like us?

We need the Son’s direct light to shine on us so we know and understand what it is He’d have us to do. I know for me, without Him in my life I can easily get bogged down by the ugliness of this world.

I find myself wondering what would happen if I stepped into a detox type of season momentarily by disconnecting from most of my social media, turning off the television especially the news and focusing on only positive thankful things for a bit?

Lately, my mental health has taken a hard hit.

I can’t help but wonder if someway, somehow I’ve allowed the enemy to slither in when I give in to grumbling?

I believe when I give into grumbling I am engaging the negative forces which, if taken in large doses, will block the positive ones. It is my decision for I am the one who holds the remote to many issues I face.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but of late I’ve really been doing a lot of grumbling and complaining.

Philippians 2:14 ESV

Do all things without grumbling or questioning,

James 5:9 ESV

Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.

Exodus 16:8 ESV

And Moses said, “When the Lord gives you in the evening meat to eat and in the morning bread to the full, because the Lord has heard your grumbling that you grumble against him—what are we? Your grumbling is not against us but against the Lord.”

Exodus 15:24 ESV

And the people grumbled against Moses, saying, “What shall we drink?”

Exodus 16:7 ESV

And in the morning you shall see the glory of the Lord, because he has heard your grumbling against the Lord. For what are we, that you grumble against us?”

Exodus 16:2-3 ESV

And the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness, and the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.”


What are some negative effects of grumbling and complaining?

A quick google search pops this up:

When you complain, you increase your levels of cortisol, also known as the stress hormone. Chronically high levels of cortisol can lead to a variety of health problems, including increased risk of depression, digestive problems, sleep issues, higher blood pressure and even increased risk of heart disease.

Wow….that’s not very good now is it?

What are two ways you are practicing positivity during this season?
Drop your answers in the comments below.

I will…

  1. Limit my time on social media daily.
  2. Make sure to get outside for fresh air and Vit-D.

I believe that a lot of our battles in our mind can be overcome with a positive attitude and a grateful heart. For me, that doesn’t come easily due to a trauma-filled past. However, I am learning to adjust my thinking and focus on the positive. I am also learning how to change my patterns of thinking.

I have much to be thankful for instead of grumbling and complaining about.

What are you thankful for?

Prayers your holiday is stress-free, and if not, then that you will be able to distance yourself from the stress drainers…those who like to suck the life right outta ya!

Enjoy your day!

Make wonderful memories!

And be abundantly blessed!

You are worth it!!

Photo by Scott Webb on Pexels.com

I Wept for You Today


I wept for you today
In the kindest most gentlest way
I wept for you today

Do you see the child within
So broken and so scared
I wept for you today

When will you stop running
When will you surrender
I wept for you today

I see that wounded one within
I sense the brokenness and the pain
I wept for you today

Do you feel so all alone
Hopeless and despaired
I wept for you today

I long to hold you to take your pain
But I hear you boost I’m fine
I wept for you today

I ache for the wounded little you
The one so scared and all alone
I wept for you today

When will you let go
When will it be enough
I wept for you today

It’s your choice to let go or not
It’s up to you to receive His love
I wept for you today

Please before it’s too late surrender
Allow Him to comfort you so well
I weep for you today

Freedom in Him can be had
Forgiveness is your key
I weep for you

You’re not alone
You are not rejected
I weep for you today

I pray for you

I weep for you today

~Pamela Richards-Woodall

Let us seek the Lord

May we seek our Abba when we are afraid and chose to be like King Jehoshaphat gathering all around us to seek the Lord and fast!

And may we draw deep within our being and never forget “the battle does NOT belong to us! The battle belongs to the Lord”!!!!

In all we are facing today or gonna be facing this week our Poppa God has not fallen off the throne nor has He forgotten us, His children!

Let us go forth this day and this week being an encouragement to those we meet!

Praying one for another and sharing a smile!

You are not alone!

Check out II Chronicles 20

Have a most blessed day!!

#nofearhere

#faithoverfear

Healing me? How?

A book in the Bible talks about seasons.

Ecclesiastes 3 tells that there is a time and season for many things under Heaven. Right now this is my time of healing.

1 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Photo by Madison Inouye on Pexels.com

But how do I heal?

That I do not know!

What is healing?

This is what google tells me, the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.

Wow…boy oh, do I need that!

And where do I even begin?

Healthy?

Was I ever healthy?

I’m honestly not sure!

I’ve had professionals tell me I should be in an insane asylum or dead because of the horrific amount of trauma I’ve experienced.

>Trafficked to men in the community until I was 11 years old to pay the ‘light bill‘ each month.

>Massive amounts of child abuse: physical, sexual, neglect, psychological.

>Given enemas’ over and over to ‘get the devil outta me’.

>Groomed to obey whatever ever was told to me.

And so much more.

I write about this and more in my latest book, House Full of Secrets: Human Trafficking and Redemption.

All of my books are available on Kindle or Amazon in paperback. A portion of all book sales goes to Broken Pieces No More Inc, a nonprofit my husband, a dear friend and I formed to raise awareness of child abuse and human trafficking.

Right now with all that’s going on I am stepping back from most areas and focusing on gaining my own deep, inner healing. If I’m not healed then I won’t be of much use to others. It is imperative that I gain my own healing as I want to be instrumental in helping others who have trod a similar path as I have. #healingispossible

We all need healing for we’ve all been hurt in some manner.

What are you hoping to heal within?

It is possible!

And you are not alone, no matter how much you or the enemy tries to convince you of..it’s a lie!

Never allow anyone to deny you this unique opportunity to gain that necessary healing either.

I pray you will be able to join me on a similar journey and grab hold of the healing you deserve.

Anger and Grief

Do these two really go together?

I don’t know the answer to that but I suspect they do!

At least they do for me, here, tonight as I sit at my desk staring out into the darkness just on the other side of my window.

I find myself wondering if there’s anyone out there somewhere watching me! Lordy I surely hope not! No alarms are going off so I’m safe…for now!

My beloved is still at work though he will soon be home. Oh how I dearly miss him! And I so dislike him working this second shift but we know it’s only for a season. However, I pray I can maintain for the season no matter how long. I am very grateful for him and wonderfully blessed he is my husband!

This other season….this season of anger and despair and grief that seems as if it’s suffocating my very being….I do not like this season at all!

Anger!

Anger so white hot it seems as if it would sizzle my flesh right off my bones!

Anger that causes me to want to crumple up those who have hurt me into a small little ball of nothingness and throw them so very far away!

Anger!

What is anger?

It is an emotion that can produce a flight or fight feeling. It can bring on fear or depression. It can make you feel as if you’re going outta your mind.

Anger is a valid emotion.

Anger can also mask underlying emotions!

You can do some research on it.

For me, I know my anger is a mask of deeper emotions.

Emotions that have been swimming to the surface of my soul for years.

Why haven’t I felt them before now?

Well, I probably have though not to this degree!

You see as I’m now safely with my beloved, I am able to begin the process of really beginning to feel that horrific rejection and woundings from my childhood. Those things happened when my mother and grandmother and others viciously abused me.

I’m grateful for the forgiving process for I do believe I have begun that long ago and will continue.

Healing

Now, I need to focus on healing the little girl within!

I need to listen to her silent screams that are erupting from my soul!

I need to give her the attention she deserves as we work together to heal all those deep, burning wounds from long ago.

I need to acknowledge that what happened to her really happened to me.

Healing sucks and is very messy but oh, so necessary if one is hoping to live a healthy life. And I do!

So I will feel it to heal it no matter what!

I lived through the hell of it all and I will live through the recovery of me, the true me, the authentic me!!

I will grieve for the lost little me!

I will heal.

I will journal.

I will go hang out in nature.

I will let myself cry.

I will talk with my counselor.

I will heal because I am worth it!

I pray you too will find whatever healing you are needing. The effort is worth it!

#secretsnomore

I am pleased and excited to announce that my latest book, House Full of Secrets: Human Trafficking and Redemption, is now available in paperback and kindle. Any of my books may be purchased through Amazon.

This was a very hard book to write as I shared a great deal of my own personal story. And in it I share parts of my soul with you. Parts of my soul I’d never want anyone to see; yet, I truly believe that I need to share my truth in order that others may know the freedom and hope I now experience.

I shared secrets.

My book shares secrets. Deep, dark, evil ones!

Those secrets I’d been forced to keep as a child ‘or else‘.

Secrets I am finally finding my voice to speak out!

Proverbs 31:8-9 tells us to speak out for those who do not yet have their own voice with which to speak.

I am choosing to lend my voice to any one who needs it!

I speak about all forms of child abuse: neglect….my emotional and mental needs were neglected as well as often times I went hungry although we had plenty of food.

Physical abuse where I was hit either with switches until my little legs were bleeding or beaten with a belt, of course, where no bruises would show.

Verbal abuse was a constant of hearing what a horrible person I was, that I wasn’t ever wanted and how my mother so wished I’d of been a boy or never even born, called all sorts of vile named and more!

Sexual abuse has always been a part of who I am. Or rather who I was!

My mother and grandmother trafficked me out to men in the community to ‘help pay the monthly light bill’. This went on until I was eleven. It ended when I put a shotgun to my grandmother’s forehead threatening to shoot her if anyone ever touched me again!

The sexual and physical abuse stopped but the verbal/mental abuse grew even worse!

Now I have way more peace and hope than ever before in my life. I know Whose I am and I also know I’m okay!

Photo by Yelena Odintsova on Pexels.com

I have gained a tremendous amount of healing for which I’m eternally thankful.

Life is so good!!

I have risen up out of the ashes more incredible than ever before.

I long to see others who are walking wounded gain their own personal healing and freedom.

This is a new and exciting time in my life. One where I am stepping out of my comfort zone doing things I’ve often dreamed about. Like speaking to anyone who’ll give a listen. Traveling and sharing my story so others can step into his or her own freedom!

This is a brand new path. I hope I’ll see you along the way.

I am available for speaking opportunities.

I have one local at a Celebrate Recovery spot at Faith. Hope. Love. Church of God in Somerset. Then I will be speaking in Winchester, Ohio at Daystar Christian Center on August 15th. And on October 9 and 10th I’ll be speaking at Lake Road Baptist Church in Morrow, Ohio.

I am available for conferences, workshops, clubs, schools, churches, organizations, etc. Wherever there is a need to help others share their secrets! I will be your voice!

What secrets have you been holding?

I’d love to hear from you.

You can let me know here or email me at pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com.

No one deserves to carry a burden of guilt and shame from being forced to keeping secrets!

There is freedom!!

I’m happier and more content now than I’ve ever been in my life!

Life is indeed good!!

Blessings to you this day!

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

‘Finding Hope After Abortion’

Sometimes writing a particular book can be very challenging as it was with this one! Over the years whenever I’d teach or speak I rarely, if ever, shared about this traumatic event in my life.

Why?

Because it was far too personal and deeply painful.

You see, talking about the destruction of two of my babies just about ripped my heart right out of my chest. But as time marched on, as is written about in Ecclesiastes 3, I began to realize that maybe, just maybe, there was someone out there who needed to hear my story of hope. And my beloved husband was loving and encouraging me to put my story down on paper to share with the world at large. And so this book was birthed!

Finding Hope After Abortion: Honoring Mary Grace and James Andrew’ does just that. Published this year by Oak Tree Publishing and Consulting Company, my story is out there for all to read. And, yes, I’ve already received some hateful comments; however, I’ve also read some similar heart wrenching stories!

I wrote this book first to share God’s amazing power of forgiveness. I learned that I can and need to forgive others for all the pain that was heaped on me and, I learned that it’s just as necessary to learn to forgive myself. Forgiveness was hard! I didn’t wanta forgive anyone. In the beginning of that healing process, I believed if I forgave my mother and the doctor for the active role they both played in aborting my precious children it would excuse their actions. That was a lie.

I was a young teen girl when this happened in my life. I was deeply wounded and hurt. Carrying all that pain around for many years caused a lot of physical and emotional damage. Forgiving them actually removed the power of those memories and enabled me to heal and grow as Jesus meant for me to do. He died on the cross so I can learn the power of forgiveness.

Now, forgiving me was another story. I have done so but I simply can not forget the fact that I do not, will not ever, have two little ones who were growing safely within my womb! Today, my babies would be in their mid-forty’s.

If you or someone you know has experienced an abortion I encourage you to find hope within the written pages of this book. You do not need to suffer alone.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

If desired, anyone can obtain forgiveness.

Here’s what I did: I prayed asking Jesus to ‘forgive me for my part in the destruction of my babies. Forgive me and remove all the pain forever more. Help me to learn to love myself and others as I need to so I can grow.’

It was an ongoing process for me. Still is at times but I’m growing and it’s gonna be okay.

Do you believe you have overcome the pain of an abortion?

What steps have you taken to forgive others and yourself for this act?

As always, I’d love to hear from you.

Blessings to you!

You are beautiful!

Just a simple shout out to each of you!

You are beautiful!!!

What makes you feel beautiful?

A new dress? Well, maybe pants for the guys?

A fresh salon appointment?

Time spent in nature?

Praying and meditating?

What makes you feel beautiful?