Real. Raw. And nakked! I was decived!!!

This time in 2015, I made a huge life-changing decision. It was not made lightly but covered with much prayer, tears and questions. No one …I mean NO one…knew what I was dealing with behind closed doors in my marriage. I was so very scared! Terrified, in fact! I had no idea what I’d do or where I’d go. Actually, I was homeless for several months. Oh, I had a safe place to live, which I am forever grateful for, yet I did not have my own home!

I have tried to not go into a lot of details about my previous marriage for several reasons.

One of those is I don’t believe in bashing or trash-talking anyone else, even if it’s a former partner and if there were soul-searing issues! However, there comes a time when the truth must be told.

The second reason I dared not share my truth from those years was that, for the longest time, I felt this deep guilt, shame and condemnation! (I can hear my friend Kathy telling me firmly, ‘Now, where does that come from? You know it surely doesn’t come from the Lord!) She’s right! I mean, when I did make the choice to leave, I found who my real friends were and let me tell ya, they were few and far between!

Oh, I had many ‘friends’ coming out of the woodwork, so to speak, telling me what a godless decision I’d made and how I’d be punished. Yes, I was actually told that!!

Wisdom Nugget:

Please don’t spout scriptures or your belief of scripture if you do NOT have true knowledge of what happened! You are NOT a mind reader. You have NO idea what that person has lived through! When you pounce on someone acting ‘holier than thou,’ you’re only hurting yourself!

This morning I gained a major revelation. I was going through pictures from the summer of 2015. The before and after!

Me bout a week after I left. My sweet daughter-in-law took me to get my hair done completely differently. I had worn it long and dyed a funky blond color. I like this picture greatly!!
When I moved back home, which I swore I never would because there had been a lot of pain at home, I stayed with family members. They welcomed me with open arms. I gained a lot of healing with them in their safe place and I will be forever grateful!
This was taken up the road from the safe place I stayed for a short season. Much healing and love lived there!

Before I left, I lived my life in fear…. gut-wrenching fear! There was much abuse though not physical or sexual. There was a tremendous amount of financial and psychological abuse!

I should never have married this man, but I did. Mainly because I thought I was ‘helping’ God to direct my future instead of relying on Him to direct my path. What I was doing was being deceived! I believed a lie. I was reenacting a pattern in my life. I encourage you to examine repeated patterns. There’s great truth in them if you’ll just look!

Do I have regrets?

Yes, I do!

I hear various arguments about having regrets! Yet, I do. That’s my truth for right now. I regret that I did not listen to wise counsel telling me not to marry a man I’d met online! How foolish I was! You truly can not get to know someone long distance! It’s just not possible! You must develop a long-term trusting relationship face-to-face, and then not everything is always revealed! I was wrong!

I regret disobeying my Heavenly Father. Yet, I am oh, so grateful for His forgiveness, His love, and His mercy!!

There are regrets that still hurt my soul and my heart, yet I know my Abba is healing me deeply!

I’ve repented to Him for my flippant behavior! I pray often to be able to completely forgive those who hurt me. Healing is messy and can take time.

I also pray for God to forgive me for hurting anyone during that season! None of us are perfect and sometimes, I feel so far from that! We all can play a part in someone else’s pain.

As time moves forward, I pray for His leading and continued healing. And that as time allows, I will know when and where to share that part of my story. I also will NOT live in any more fear, guilt, or condemnation!! All that comes from the enemy of my soul!

I now ask Him to help me to forgive myself for being deceived, for making life-altering decisions that not only affected me but many more! And to restore that which was stolen from me during that season!

I will cling to Him to bring even more healing and freedom in my life!

I now choose on purpose to listen for His voice directing me this way or that! I can’t do this thing called life on my own, but with Him, all things are possible!

If you have experienced any season of deception, I am praying for you!

There is HOPE!!

There is healing available!

And there is freedom and peace!

Feel free to reach out at: pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com or leave a comment below!

I’d love to hear your story!

Fear is a liar!!

Have a beautiful day!

This is me today!!

Happy with my beloved and deeply in love!
And loving life!!

The joy of the Lord is my strength!

Egypt: In or Out?

Have you left Egypt?

Have you felt led out of your Egypt?

Did you leave willingly or were you forced out?

Much like the children of Israel, we all have our Egypt we’ll need to eventually leave. Well, that is, if we truly want and desire to become that which our Heavenly Father has destined us to become.

We can NOT stay in our Egypt and do what He’s called us to do!
Nor, can we expect to be completely victorious if we allow any bit of Egypt to remain within us!

What is an Egypt?

For the children of Israel, they were being held in captivity, in bondage, having to work for another. They were forced into slave labor. They had no choice. They had no control over their daily lives.

During the 400 years they were held captive they acquired the taste for the false gods, the delicious food, and sadly, the very fact that even though they were in bondage, they grew used to someone leading them around by the nose, so to speak. It’s amazing what we allow ourselves to become used to, to become familiar with, even when it isn’t good for us.

** Have you allowed that which is not healthy for you to become familiar?**

Many times when we find ourselves in Egypt, we probably should look at past patterns and circumstances surrounding our situations. We can be our own worst enemy! Our bad decisions can easily lock us into an Egypt experience that we surely do not wanta be in. Have a gander back over your life to see if there might be one or more Egypt experiences.

One of my own Egypt experiences was not learning from past mistakes, repenting, and then changing the trajectory of my course to reach my destiny sooner. No, I had to do my own thing! I had to have it my way! I believed I needed what was familiar. The unknown scared me silly! And that was a contributing factor to my downfall….even if temporary.

I’m now in a season of examining the patterns of my life, especially those that have caused pain, setbacks and failure. I do not wanta repeat them any longer. I desire to develop new and lasting patterns that will propel me forward!

I believe I have left my Egypt. Meaning the lifestyle I lived previously, the choices I used to make, and how I made decisions based on emotion instead of what He wanted of me are all now changing with a deeper desire to please my Abba.

However, I’m now growing aware of wondering just how much of Egypt is still in me!

Sometimes I wonder just how constipated we can become!

Maybe I need a good dose of spiritual detox, a good spring tonic to cleanse my soul!

Photo by WARREN BLAKE on Pexels.com

I need to become even more aware of those things that are familiar that would draw me back to Egypt.
I need to change my way of thinking to focus more on the positive, the blessings.
I need to learn to view my body as the temple of the Holy Spirit instead of just a vessel that could be, might be abused again.
I must be willing to learn how to trust Abba with my every step and get me outta the way.
And I must desire to experience the new and wonderful blessings He has for me instead of living in fear and distrust.

Yes! It is now time to get Egypt out of me and embrace the newness of life!

It is possible!

Do you struggle with still having some of Egypt within you?

How are you removing it?

I encourage you to take one step at a time! You can do it! Have faith in Him!

You are a beautiful and unique individual!

Early Morning Blessings

Early morning.
Sun hasn’t yet shone through the clouds.
Quiet.
Peaceful.
Flowers blooming.
Intimate time with Abba.
Soul cleansing.

Prayers for a wonderfully blessed day!

December Already??

Oh my goodness…it’s December already!

Where did this year go to???

Seems to me it whizzed by and I didn’t get to experience as much as I’d liked.

It’s been another strange year and I’m not sure we’ll ever get back to what we once perceived as normal. We probably won’t go back to what was but we can look forward to what can be!
We can learn how to shine even when the situation seems darkest with Jesus on the inside of us!

This new year let’s…..

This new year let’s all focus on loving ourself just a bit more!
Let’s eat the chocolate!
Let’s take a nap!
Let’s turn the music up blastingly loud!
Let’s practice saying, “NO”!
Let’s layout in a field watching the clouds float overhead!
Let’s get naked and admire our body! (No…not together.)
Let’s learn how to stay in the moment!
Let’s learn how to color again…and this time…don’t worry bout staying in the lines!
Let’s just simply sit and be!

What one thing are you planning to be in 2022?

Grief and the Holidays

This year for the first time in my life I have no desire whatsoever to move forward into the joyous season. I’d just rather skip right over all the silly season and wake up on December 26th, thank you very much!!

Grief hurts!

I’ve been visiting with a grief counselor who has helped somewhat. Although, honestly I believe one thing that will help is simply time.

Today I’m missing my sweet mother-in-law. We did not have the typical mother-daughter-in-law relationship. Ours was very special and unique!

It was more mother-daughter!

Right now where I live the leaves are falling from the trees. Actually, there’s a blanket of fallen leaves laying over our yard. Mom didn’t like to let leaves pile up. She was always concerned someone would come around and flip a cigarette out and start a fire. Even in her last days, she’d go outside and rake leaves all the while, needing her walker to help her walk. She’d worked hard all her life and did so as she was able to right up to the end. I admired her so very much!

I always called her ‘mom’. She passed away this past August!

I miss her fiercely! As I know my sweet beloved and his brother do as well!

I’ve realized the family dynamics change greatly when the previous generation is gone. Dad, my husband’s father, passed away in 2016.


This is mom and dad long before I came along. They were so much in love. And because of that love, presented a godly example of what it was like to be married. No, their life wasn’t easy for they both had to work hard all day every day for most of their lives. Yet, when the end of the day rolled around and they laid their heads on their pillow, there was contentment in sharing another day together!
What a lovely couple they made!

I don’t know how to do this grief stuff!

According to a quick search on the internet, grief is the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or some living thing that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual and philosophical dimensions.

I acknowledge that I’m in a deep season of grieving. I lost my mother in September 2019. I was with her when she exhaled her last breath. My dad passed in December 2020. I couldn’t be with him as the nursing home refused me to be with him! That still hurts deeply!

And now my precious mother-in-law!

Grief isn’t just about the passing of loved ones.

During the past few months, I’ve come to realize I’m not only grieving the loss of parents and sweet in-laws, but I’m also grieving the loss of my innocence. Having gone through horrific child abuse I learned early in life to pretend all was well and to stuff my true emotions way down deep on the inside of my soul. Well, that’s not healthy!

I believe I’ve been dealing with a lot of physical issues due to ignoring this pain within my soul!

How to deal with the grieving process (Grabbed this off the internet)

  1. Acknowledge your pain.
  2. Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
  3. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
  4. Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
  5. Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically

The pain isn’t as bad as it was in the beginning, right after mom passed. I watched her exhale her last breath. I rejoice for I know she’s in Heaven and no longer suffering. Yet I surely miss her. I miss what might have been!

Over the past few months, I’m gaining more knowledge and understanding of what it means to simply sit with my pain.

I’m learning to embrace it!

I’m learning to talk to it!

I’m learning to touch it!

I’m learning to feel it!

I. Do. Not. Want. To. Feel. This. Pain!

Yet, I also know if I refuse to do so then my healing will take a lot longer. I don’t wanta prolong the healing that’s watching me as I grapple my way along this morbid path. I want to embrace my healing! Grab my healing and dance!

I simply refuse to drag this giant bag of pain and various attached emotions along behind me for the rest of my life!

I have way too much to live for!

I am so stinkin’ blessed with this incredible husband I have!


I am writing more books and they are being published!

Writing helps me release those demons who’ve messed with my mind.

Writing is healing!

Writing is a cleansing process. I’ve written a lot of letters lately to those who’ve hurt me in one way or another. I’m choosing on purpose to release them, to forgive them and move forward.

Does that mean the pain stops?

Nope!

Well, not for me anyway!

And one positive thing with all this pain junk is that I’m now realizing I can actually feel. That means I’m not stuffing it! I’m not pretending I’m okay when inside I’m falling apart!

Here’s a list of the first four books I’ve written.

Each of them are available on Amazon.

My first book.
Second book I wrote.
This was the third book I wrote. A hard one to write.

My latest book I’ve written. This book details the abuse I lived through during my childhood. Another hard one to write but very needed!


I’m currently working on book 3 in the Secret series as well as the story of my beloved and I. Both will be released in 2022.

I’m also learning to be gentle with myself. I used to put me last. I guess many of us do that for whatever reason. I’m now learning that I’m worth the effort of self-care. It’s not easy cuz I’m having to unlearn years of negative self-care and replace those learned behaviors with care for me.

I know that’s how my Abba Father desires me to do. He tells me that in His Word.

I know grieving is an important part of living. It means I’ve loved deeply. And was loved deeply!

I know I’m gonna be alright.

I also know this part of my life path is messy and hard and sad.

So if you see me, don’t fret!

Don’t think you need to be upbeat and joking around me. Sometimes I’d just like someone to sit with me. Not saying anything or doing anything special. Just being real.

It’s okay. We all experience grief and we all deal with it differently.

I’m just choosing to be raw and naked with mine! Maybe what I experience will help someone else!

I don’t know how we’ll do holidays this year.

I know the three of us will have Thanksgiving together. My beloved and I have been talking bout getting away on Christmas. Making new memories.

Our family is small…though not of our choice. Our son and his sweet family live far away which makes getting together often very hard. The other family members…..well right now there’s stuff going on so we just simply let ’em be and go on. We know God’s got it and He has them in His capable hands. For that we are thankful.

I am blessed….I hurt deeply but that simply means I’m allowing myself to finally feel!

And lordy, those feelings sometimes suck!

But…..I will rejoice!
I will keep on keeping on this healing path!
I will discover great and amazing blessings along the way!
And I will always be grateful for being able to feel!

That simply means I’m not dead yet!

I pray your holiday is comforting.

Don’t force yourself to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. It’s really not worth that effort. You, my friend, are so worth learning how to deeply love and respect yourself!

This year I refuse to put myself in a situation that could cause drama or crap! Life’s way too short for that stuff!

Blessings to you!

Power in a Pandemic: What is fear?

During this time in which we find ourselves living, I firmly believe we must be willing to step outside the box, even ourselves, in order to grab hold of new and innovative thought processes for surviving day to day with a healthy mindset. For me, that’s included a few things I’ll share here.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts from wherever you are.

I do wanta encourage you in that you are not alone! Especially if Jesus lives in your heart!

Isaiah 54:10

Even if the mountains were to crumble and the hills disappear,
my heart of steadfast, faithful love will never leave you, and
my covenant of peace with you will never be shaken,” says Yahweh,
whose love and compassion will never give up on you.

1. Keep your focus on His unfailing love

 His love endures forever” (Psalm 136:26).

It has taken me so many years to realize God’s unfailing love for me!

I grew up in an insanely dysfunctional home where love was never spoken of nor practiced. Not sure my guardians knew how or what love really was. Well, no, of course, they didn’t; otherwise, I wouldn’t have experienced such horrific child abuse! I was taught that I was worthless and no account. That was a lie!

I am very valuable! As we all are in God’s sight!

Being married to my wonderful beloved has taught me so much about unconditional love! We are neither perfect, but his love for me is a godly love and reflects Jesus in Him. I am highly blessed and healing deeply as a result!

2. Do not fear!

There are over 365 times written in His word to ‘fear not’!

I’ve had to engage my mind on this one so much, or rather, I have to retrain my brain to not focus on fear! I grew up with fear as a close friend, so close in fact that I could often feel the hot, clammy breath of fear breathing down my neck as a little girl.

#fearnot

For me, I have to focus on the blessings and promises of God, rather than what the media is throwing out on the airwaves of late. If I don’t keep my guard up, I can easily be freaked out by what folks are spewing forth of late. That’s not healthy!

I know in Whom I believe and it isn’t some news outlet or social media site. I occasionally listen to several news sources, for I do not believe any one of them solely anymore. It’s kinda like the ole saying, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Don’t get all your information from one source….unless that source is the Word of God!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sadly, I find many I meet along the way are so afraid!

And why not??

With all the fear being spewed forth daily on social media and through news outlets, it’s no wonder we’re not all running for those mountains for cover!

I have learned that fear is a perceived threat of some kind to ourselves or our family unit. When we are afraid, we react totally out of the ‘flight or fight’ mode. Adrenaline pumps through our system, causing us to make hasty decisions instead of mediating on a safe answer.

I’ve also read where some believe the opposite of fear is safety. Maybe so. I know for me when I’m afraid, I do not feel safe at all. I’m learning not to jump into the emotion of fear so quickly!

I’ll hear folks talking bout how we need to stock up on this or that because soon there won’t be any more of that item, and fear begins to quiver within my being. There is nothing wrong at all with using common sense and being prepared. I just can’t jump over into being afraid. Then I must remind myself on Whom I believe and trust.

Maybe for me the opposite of fear is trusting in the One who made the universe!

Fear is nasty and messy for me and I do not like it in my life. I appreciate the times I need that emotion for protection but I do not want to live there anymore! Life is way too short to live in fear!

I pray you are doing well and that you are able to get a handle on fear!

Have a most blessed day!

Photo by Yelena Odintsova on Pexels.com

Let us seek the Lord

May we seek our Abba when we are afraid and chose to be like King Jehoshaphat gathering all around us to seek the Lord and fast!

And may we draw deep within our being and never forget “the battle does NOT belong to us! The battle belongs to the Lord”!!!!

In all we are facing today or gonna be facing this week our Poppa God has not fallen off the throne nor has He forgotten us, His children!

Let us go forth this day and this week being an encouragement to those we meet!

Praying one for another and sharing a smile!

You are not alone!

Check out II Chronicles 20

Have a most blessed day!!

#nofearhere

#faithoverfear

Healing me? How?

A book in the Bible talks about seasons.

Ecclesiastes 3 tells that there is a time and season for many things under Heaven. Right now this is my time of healing.

1 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Photo by Madison Inouye on Pexels.com

But how do I heal?

That I do not know!

What is healing?

This is what google tells me, the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.

Wow…boy oh, do I need that!

And where do I even begin?

Healthy?

Was I ever healthy?

I’m honestly not sure!

I’ve had professionals tell me I should be in an insane asylum or dead because of the horrific amount of trauma I’ve experienced.

>Trafficked to men in the community until I was 11 years old to pay the ‘light bill‘ each month.

>Massive amounts of child abuse: physical, sexual, neglect, psychological.

>Given enemas’ over and over to ‘get the devil outta me’.

>Groomed to obey whatever ever was told to me.

And so much more.

I write about this and more in my latest book, House Full of Secrets: Human Trafficking and Redemption.

All of my books are available on Kindle or Amazon in paperback. A portion of all book sales goes to Broken Pieces No More Inc, a nonprofit my husband, a dear friend and I formed to raise awareness of child abuse and human trafficking.

Right now with all that’s going on I am stepping back from most areas and focusing on gaining my own deep, inner healing. If I’m not healed then I won’t be of much use to others. It is imperative that I gain my own healing as I want to be instrumental in helping others who have trod a similar path as I have. #healingispossible

We all need healing for we’ve all been hurt in some manner.

What are you hoping to heal within?

It is possible!

And you are not alone, no matter how much you or the enemy tries to convince you of..it’s a lie!

Never allow anyone to deny you this unique opportunity to gain that necessary healing either.

I pray you will be able to join me on a similar journey and grab hold of the healing you deserve.

#griefsucks #mentalhealthmatters

I do not like grief!

There…I said it!

My mom passed in September 2019 and my daddy died in December 2020.

My sweet mother in law, who is more of a momma to me, is in her end of life phase. Of course we never know when that final day will be..yet…we must grieve!

I have had to acknowledge I am not in a good place right now! I know it’s a part of life but still…I don’t like being here. Nevertheless, here I am and there I shall go and in the going I will gain healing and His peace!

I’ve realized over the past few weeks as we are preparing for the home going of my mother in law, I haven’t really allowed myself to grieve the loss of both my parents. Wow…the onslaught of emotions is huge!

How do you deal with grief?

My old way, which was to pretty much avoid the subject all together, hasn’t worked out too good yet!

Matter of fact, I will be seeing a grief counselor beginning next week for a season.

I encourage anyone in need to see professional help with any mental health issue.

Given the day we now live in with fear being spewed forth on all fronts, we are on overload! We hear fear based noise all day long…if we have the medium going. I chose to turn mine off!!

You do have that choice! Although many would like us to think we don’t!

Yes we do!

Yes you do!

Yes I do!

I want to make healthy choices for my life! As I’m walking through this season of grief I must make sure to destress often or I’ll be on grief overload which is not good for anyone!

Hanging out in nature helps me with destressing a lot!

Writing in my journal helps too. I dump feelings, emotions, thoughts no matter what. It helps me to get ’em all out so hopefully I’ll not pick ’em up again. Sometimes I do though then need to do the dumping all over again! Practice!

I encourage you to be active in processing your grief or even fear! Both can play havoc with our being. Make sure to take time for you because you are so worth it!

Until next time….blessings!

#secretsnomore

I am pleased and excited to announce that my latest book, House Full of Secrets: Human Trafficking and Redemption, is now available in paperback and kindle. Any of my books may be purchased through Amazon.

This was a very hard book to write as I shared a great deal of my own personal story. And in it I share parts of my soul with you. Parts of my soul I’d never want anyone to see; yet, I truly believe that I need to share my truth in order that others may know the freedom and hope I now experience.

I shared secrets.

My book shares secrets. Deep, dark, evil ones!

Those secrets I’d been forced to keep as a child ‘or else‘.

Secrets I am finally finding my voice to speak out!

Proverbs 31:8-9 tells us to speak out for those who do not yet have their own voice with which to speak.

I am choosing to lend my voice to any one who needs it!

I speak about all forms of child abuse: neglect….my emotional and mental needs were neglected as well as often times I went hungry although we had plenty of food.

Physical abuse where I was hit either with switches until my little legs were bleeding or beaten with a belt, of course, where no bruises would show.

Verbal abuse was a constant of hearing what a horrible person I was, that I wasn’t ever wanted and how my mother so wished I’d of been a boy or never even born, called all sorts of vile named and more!

Sexual abuse has always been a part of who I am. Or rather who I was!

My mother and grandmother trafficked me out to men in the community to ‘help pay the monthly light bill’. This went on until I was eleven. It ended when I put a shotgun to my grandmother’s forehead threatening to shoot her if anyone ever touched me again!

The sexual and physical abuse stopped but the verbal/mental abuse grew even worse!

Now I have way more peace and hope than ever before in my life. I know Whose I am and I also know I’m okay!

Photo by Yelena Odintsova on Pexels.com

I have gained a tremendous amount of healing for which I’m eternally thankful.

Life is so good!!

I have risen up out of the ashes more incredible than ever before.

I long to see others who are walking wounded gain their own personal healing and freedom.

This is a new and exciting time in my life. One where I am stepping out of my comfort zone doing things I’ve often dreamed about. Like speaking to anyone who’ll give a listen. Traveling and sharing my story so others can step into his or her own freedom!

This is a brand new path. I hope I’ll see you along the way.

I am available for speaking opportunities.

I have one local at a Celebrate Recovery spot at Faith. Hope. Love. Church of God in Somerset. Then I will be speaking in Winchester, Ohio at Daystar Christian Center on August 15th. And on October 9 and 10th I’ll be speaking at Lake Road Baptist Church in Morrow, Ohio.

I am available for conferences, workshops, clubs, schools, churches, organizations, etc. Wherever there is a need to help others share their secrets! I will be your voice!

What secrets have you been holding?

I’d love to hear from you.

You can let me know here or email me at pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com.

No one deserves to carry a burden of guilt and shame from being forced to keeping secrets!

There is freedom!!

I’m happier and more content now than I’ve ever been in my life!

Life is indeed good!!

Blessings to you this day!

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com