Have you ever had days where you seem to wrestle with some unseen force just to barely keep your head above water? It’s almost like some giant hand is trying ever so hard to push you under the water!
Have you felt surely that you were gonna drown in the depths of despair?
Have you ever tried ever so hard to get away from your own self because of the many thoughts that are fighting one over the other to get to the forefront of your mind?
Personally I often struggle with chaotic thoughts, even stinking thinking. I grew up in an abusive, dysfunctional home which created a perfect cesspool of an opportunity for stinkin’ thinkin’! I learned how to think unwisely as a child. I learned how to think unbalanced, unhealthy. Now I am learning how to think more in a healthy manner! But it’s not always easy, well at least for me anyway!
As an abused child I learned, conditioned if you will, at a very early age to try to think one, two or ever five steps ahead of a situation so I could possibly avoid yet another attack; I learned how to plot various situations in my head to figure out what I should do if this or that happened. When we learn that behavior as a child it makes deep ruts in our brains that if we don’t make the effort to get out of those ruts as an adult could very well end up being our grave! I don’t know about you but I didn’t want that!
So I’m learning to change my stinkin’ thinkin’ by creating new paths in my brain; healthier ways of thinking! Stinkin thinkin only serves to kill, steal and destroy! I want life and life more abundantly!
So what am I learning to do to change that behavior, to change that old way of thinking?
1. Identify Old Patterns
It’s taken me may years but I am realizing I am making progress in this area. I’m learning to quickly identify old patterns that have before caused me pain, grief, depression, anxiety and so much more!
Actually just this week I had an experience where I’d wandered around in this funk, this stinkin’ thinkin’, letting it suck the life outta me like two ticks and no dog! I allowed myself to get into a major depression from listening to the lies, the assaults on my thinking of how bad I am or how I’d never amount to anything or any of a hundred more accusations! While talking with my sweet husband later on I realized that the voice I heard were very familiar from my past, even all the way back to my childhood. Oh wow…revelation!
And as he so sweetly reminded me, “Babe, that’s not your Father’s voice!” (Meaning our Heavenly Father) And he was and is right!
Identify that voice.
2. Assess if the message is helpful or hurtful
So as the day that I heard and listened to the stinkin’ thinkin’ wore on I realized that the words I was hearing in my head were actually giving me a headache. Well that’s certainly not a good thing now is it?! In fact it was hurtful!
By mid-afternoon I was not only fighting depression, I was battling a major headache! I had to make some changes.
So I got out and went for a short walk to hopefully clear my head. I got a shower and actively began to change my way of thinking, change what I was listening to. And it did make a difference!
I was sad to admit all that time I spent listening to those words I’d wasted precious time I would not get back. I had allowed myself to be duped into believing the stinkin thinkin that had plagued my mind for most of that day!
3. Create a new strategy
Remember those ruts I mentioned earlier? I learned to view them as a cow path down to the pond from across the hill round the field. That cow will take the path of least resistance, much like we humans often do, and in doing so by going the same route over and over again, pretty soon a rut begins to form. Oh at first it’s merely a faint path hard to make out but after months and years of walking the same way day after day it becomes more clearly defined.
So in order to get out of this rut I must create a new plan of action, a new strategy! I must choose on purpose to think differently. I’m learning to recognize the accusing voice much quicker! And not only to recognize when I’m being lied to; I must replace those lies with His truth! And in order to know what that is I must discover it! I must search out His truth and what He says about me!
This all takes effort on my part but if I want to grow, if I want to take responsibility for my life, as a healthy adult should, then I must be willing to do so!
You too can do something similar.
If you are fighting stinkin thinkin there is positive changes availiable. I don’t know about you but I’ve decided that life is just way too precious and too short, to spend the rest of my years beating myself up. I am going to adjust my thinking. I am creating a new cow path so to speak. I do not wanta live in a rut the rest of my life!
No! I’m going to explore, discover who I am, who He wants me to be!
I’m so thankful that I’m learning to identify that voice and access whether or not those words I hear in my head is helpful or hurtful then create a new strategy! Good growth is possible!
Be kind to yourself during this transition process. It’s not easy to climb up out of a rut you’ve been walking in for years. You’ll need to be strong to climb up over and out but you can do it! One step at a time! One day at a time!
Today was a stormy one so couldn’t work outside. Instead I was able to do some much needed writing on book 2 of the Secret series, Secrets Exposed.
The other night I woke up from a dream about my characters and realized there’d be a twist with them as I’d never allowed Alex to share about his family. Right now he’s a mystery. His family is a mystery. And that mystery will aid in writing the next few chapters.
Secrets in the Hollers was the beginning! My beginning! My beginning to writing and sharing truth in a fictional setting.
You can read my book for the enjoyment or as a resource book for counselors, pastors, doctors, etc!
I write about the various secrets that go on behind closed doors.
I write about the hope I’ve found and long to share that with you!
Today I wish all the fathers in my life a wonderful day. I wish I had the warm, fuzzy memories of my dad as many do on this day but sadly I do not.
For most of my life I have been angry and really messed up because I didn’t have a protective kinda dad. That was not my reality and I’ve come to accept that more and more.
What I now believe is that a father is supposed to protect all his children from the harm of this world; not hurt them. He’s to love his wife and cover her so they present a solid unit as they raise their children in love and peace.
Sadly not all do!
My dad left my mom before my first birthday. There was a whole lot of cheating going on!
My dad would visit me off and on through out my childhood but never a solid person in my life. He had another family to care for. There are many hurtful things I could share about my dad but I chose not to.
I know what it’s like to grow up with no father, no protective love, no affirmation that I was ‘daddy’s princess’, no “I’ll protect you from the monsters that scare you”.
I had to learn to slay those lies of how unworthy I thought I was because there was no one to protect and love me as a father should. Those lies that told me I was no good, stupid, never amount to anything and more!
I’ve finally learned that even though it woulda been absolutely wonderful to have had a kind, caring, loving and protective father I did not! And I have survived!
I now know who my wonderful, loving, incredible Heavenly Father is and that I’m His Princess! That He loves me with an unconditional love. That there’s nothing I could ever do to earn His love, not cause Him to abandon or reject me.
I am learning how amazing He’s created me to be. I am learning He sees me as worthy and valuable and important and loveable!!
Oh yes, it’d be amazing to have a earthly father who’d hold me when I’m weeping and tell me ” it’s gonna be alright” but I don’t!
However I do have a Heavenly Father who knows it is and I chose to trust in Him! I chose to allow Him to heal all those wounds connected with my dad and to give me a hope for my future cuz I know He is always with me and will never leave me. He told me that in His Word!
In His Word are so many good verses that help me along my life journey. I’ve found great help and peace in times of dark trails! In His Word I find comfort and joy and everlasting love cuz He is Love!
No, I may not have had the opportunity many have of celebrating this Father’s Day with a beloved father. I do celebrate my Heavenly Father though because I know He loves me just as I am and encourages me to grow in His truth.
I #amwriting for it soothes my soul and calms the savage beast in me that threatens to rise up out of my being and consume all within its path…..or so it seems.
Writing clears my head and helps me stay focused. Writing helps to get the words outta my head and on to paper…yes I still do the old fashion writing when I journal…but mainly use my laptop. Writing has been for many years, my friend!
It is so wonderfully exciting to have my first book published and on Amazon Kindle.
Of course I want you to buy my book and read it for it is an amazing story about hope and overcoming much adversity of the past! I also believe this book is a wonderful resource for any counselor, teacher, doctor, etc to have in their personal library. Why? Because this book is written based on a true story: Mine!
This book offers hope and healing! It offers those who have been effected by abuse in any form a way to rise up out of the deep, dark hole so many times we find ourselves in to where we can begin to see the light of day, a ray of sunshine, a glimmer of hope! Hope! It’s what the world needs more of!
Mainly I want you to know to NEVER give up on your dream no matter what it is! I’ve been fighting for mine for many years and now I see the reality of my book in paperback and on Kindle! That is so amazing!!
You have within you a dream!
What is it? Do you know?
I’d love to hear from you and help you discover what your dream is!
Give me a holler sometime. Maybe we can meet for a cup of coffee or over a cyber cup!
Have a sweet evening and remember to dream! They do come true!
For me, there’s something magical-feeling when I reach a goal, when I reach a milestone! This is a huge one for me! Seeing this book in print and also on Amazon Kindle! Dreams do come true!
There’s been a lot of hard work that has gone into this project. It took me almost three years to write the this book which is a work of fiction based on a true story: Mine! It took a lot of energy to write my truth for I’ve been taught from the beginning of my time that I was to never tell the secrets or I’d get in bad trouble! And, “Do you want me to hurt your mommy like this? Well, if you tell that’s what will happen!” These words were spoken to me from my early childhood on by one of my main perpetrators!
Now I tell my truth wherever a door is opened to do so! I am no longer ashamed of my truth! I also realize so many others are living with their shame because no one has yet come along side them to offer a voice to help bring hope and healing.
I first published it under Tate Publishing which is now out of business so when you search on Amazon disregard the first book. You’ll know which one it is cuz someone jacked the price up super high! We are working to have the old one deleted.
I decided to rewrite and republish this book, which is the first in a three part series, on the secrets that went on behind my closed doors dealing with various forms of abuse. Book two, Secrets Exposed, will be released by fall 2018. My wonderful husband and I formed our own publishing company, Oak Tree Publishing Company, and I am so pleased with the finished product.
Sandy Hawk of @GoodHopeDesigns created the beautiful cover. She did a great job!! It is a very special picture for me as it’s of my aunt and uncles home where I gained a lot of healing!
This version could easily be used as a study or reference book on childhood abuse as I included more information in this rewrite pertaining to the cycle of generational abuse as I’ve traced mine back for several generations on both sides of my family in some degree or other. I also share some of the methods that helped me gain the healing and freedom I have found. Hope is possible after abuse!
It hasn’t been that long ago I was so terrible resentful and angry that I had gone through what I did as a child then on into my adult life. God is in control so why didn’t He stop it? He knew what was gonna happen!
Well, I have gained more healing and have a fresh perspective now.
Now I am so thankful for what I went through, what I experienced! If I hadn’t of then I couldn’t be a strong voice for those who haven’t yet obtained their voice.
A portion of all my book sales will go towards our nonprofit, I Am a Voice for the Voiceless, or V4VL for short!
V4VL will focus on three areas:
Liberty’s Hope-offers solutions for those facing addictions in their life;
Jenny’s Grace-provides help and hope to any who have suffered or are suffering from abusive situations and
Elijah’s Love-assists those who are in poverty or homelessness conditions.
My publisher, Oak Tree, will match all funds from the sale of my books which goes to V4VL! We are so excited about this partnership!
I look forward to hearing from you! I’d love to hear your story!
You can follow me on here on my blog or on twitter @pamelajwoodall or facebook at: Author Pamela Richards Woodall. You can also email me at: email@example.com
Never give up on your dreams! They were given to you for a reason.
Many years ago I often dreamed of being far, far away on some exciting adventure! I’d write my dreams into short stories for my eyes only. Now, I am experiencing my dream of writing coming true for all to read!
Don’t allow anyone to steal your dream!
Oak Tree Publishing, a new company, did a great job publishing my book, the first in a three part series. And I am now seeing my dream come true of reading what I’ve written in book form. How incredible it is to hold this book knowing I wrote those words!
If you know someone who works in the mental health field, is a physician, children’s pastor, teacher then this book could become a great asset! The Secret series is written in fictional form to highlight how one young worked hard to overcome the monsters that weren’t just under her bed but in her bed. You can follow Kenzy throughout her life as she discovers that there really is hope to be had when she begins making healthier choices as she makes the effort to deal with her painful past gaining fresh perspective and insight.
If you have any questions let me know or if you’d like to order a book, hit me up with that too.
Amazingly today is day 7 of this brand new year! How cool is that!
And what have you done with your new year thus far?
Me? Ah, I’ve been writing on book 2 in my Secret series, Secrets Exposed, which I have planned to release through my new publisher, Oak Tree Publishing, in May of this year.
My first in the Secret series, Secrets in the Hollers, was released Oct 2017.
It is vitally important for me that secrets be exposed!
We are seeing a movement where many are saying, “Enough!” Even using #metoo !
In book 1, I expose secrets of horrific child abuse set back in the hollers of a little Kentucky town: rejection, words that cut all the way down into the marrow of my bones, switchings that broke the skin bringing blood droplets to drip down my skinny legs, beatings with a leather belt falling harshly on the cool skin of my exposed backside;
…… pokings and proddings of adult hands, fingers, penises, and other objects into my little girl openings that should never have been invaded;
….. being used as a sex slave to bring money in to meet those monthly bills;
….. attending ceremonies that no child should ever have to witness;
….. being locked in a cold, dark celler for hours where there’s spiders and mice and maybe snakes and they’ll eat you alive…..or that’s what you’ve been told! And while you sit there in the dark you can hear the scurrying of critters yet you aren’t sure if they will indeed eat you alive for after all, you’re only a child of four or six or eight years old so you believe what you’re told! And when they finally let you out you’re compliant and docile because you’ve gone away in your mind for protection.
….. dysfunction….people pleasing….lies….red hot pain……manipulation…and so much more!
I also share HOPE for any who has experienced even one form of abuse as there isn’t a spittin’ contest with abuse. Abuse is abuse is abuse! I share how one is truly able to find that freedom, that healing, that abundant life after abuse is very possible! But it takes hard work and prayer and lots of tears and standing firm to face those horrible monsters and it takes a determination to live and not die!
And why do I do this?
I Am a Voice for the Voiceless!
I will be the sound that helps to break your silence if need be! I am no longer afraid to tell my story, your story, a story many of us can relate to! And it’s a story that needs to be told NOW and no longer tolerated!
I want to share my strength with you, with any who are lacking that bit of determination to stand and face his or her own monsters! You are not alone! And you are so worth the effort to fight for! You are a beautiful individual full of incredible gifts and talents that can help change your world!
I’ll be at Serendipity at the Orange Door, downtown Somerset this Tue, Jan 9th from 1~3 pm if you’d like to stop by to chat, share your story or purchase a book. I’d love to see you!
The totes were stuffed full of almost every imaginable thing. She’d been goin through them one at a time for sever all weeks because doing so all at once was way too daunting. It wasn’t easy digging through the envelopes of paid bills, doctors information, letters from social security, bill collectors, cards, letters from friends and family and more.
She’d recently sorted through the tote that held the cherished antique photos of her grandparents, two, one from their early days and a much later one after life had it them hard. These photos would soon hang on her wall in special remembrance.
Today she’d opened the tote that held her very own baby clothes wrapped up in paper and placed in a plastic bag as if trying to protect them. She also found two of her baby bottles, one glass and one hard plastic. Both still had the black ring and stopper though no nipple. And her baby shoes. An old cloth diaper and diaper pins. Oh and she’d been so delighted when she pulled several articles of clothing from her early childhood years. Only one piece had been store bought, the others either hand sewn or machine stitched.
And she even found her baby book with information of her birth. That was a special treasure! There was her name written in pencil by her mother all those many years ago.
This discovery was shocking to the woman who was now going through these items tryin to decide what to keep and what to toss. Truthfully and sadly, this woman all her life had wondered if her mother really loved and cared about her. Now that truth seemed to point in the direction of affirmative.
During the reading of old letters the daughter had discovered secrets her mother shared of her many years of sexual abuse by a close family member. This had been the hardest for the daughter to read and absord about her own mother. The daughter had herself suffered various forms of childhood abuse at the hands of this one perpetrator. The cycle had continued.
For many years the daughter had fought with her mother, mainly wanting, no needing her mother to love and protect her from those pawing, prodding hands but that never happened. Now the daughter better understood that very possibly the mother simply did not know how to do so. Her own mother hadn’t protected her.
These new revelations softened the daughters heart towards her mother. Oh, no, it certainly didn’t excuse the mothers liability in not having fully protected her daughter. It did, however, help the daughter better understand her mother: A woman who at a young age was raped by this man and the abuse continued many years!
Now her mother resides in a nursing home, often times drifting into her own world. The daughter prays that the world her mother may be a part of is one full of sunshine and wildflower and butterflies and laughter.
Finally the load seems somehow lighter that she, the daughter, had been carrying concerning her mother and the lack of love she’d felt all her life. Now the daughter was more able to release that burden and let it drift away.
Now even more healing could take place within the depths of the daughter. Now peace had more room to reside within the daughters heart.
There is so much verbal pollution nowadays! It seems to be everywhere, well almost everywhere. Yelling ! Fighting! Protesting! Blaming! Yet no one seems willing to sit down and take the time to listen.
What might happen if we truly decided to stop talkin and ask our fellow human how he or she was doing, how they were feeling?
Maybe that’s why we have two ears and one mouth: To listen more than we talk!
Wow what a concept!
Another thought: Why does it seem that the majority of folks are givin the media so much power? Have we forgotten to turn it off? Who said we ‘have’to listen and believe everything they say?
Have we as a society, as individuals, decided the media/ internet knows what’s best for us? Are we like sheep, being conditioned to acceptance of the foreseeable slaughter? I truly hope not!
Have you noticed that over the past 12-18 months news people have begun to use voice persuasion to get you to “Come here and look at this”? Because if you miss this gastly news clip of some horrible scene you’ll not be informed! And of course the media knows what’s best for you, right!?!
Who controls the media?
Why are we giving our power away to those we don’t even know? Do these people pay your monthly bills? Then why do you listen so intently to them daily to what they say? Then you get all worked up because you don’t agree?
Have we as a society simply out bred common sense?
Why does it seem so many of us believe we must take our required dose of depressing, hate filled, fear based news daily!
Why? What is it producing? More of the same because like produces like kind!
Just turn it off!
Maybe, just maybe, we can turn things around by sharing good news, by paying the positive forward, by sharing a smile, by choosing to encourage those around us. It takes less energy to be kind then it does to produce hatefulness.
We seem to wanta blame everyone else for our situation rather than taking responsibility ourself! What one thing are you doing to bring about healthy change? Or are you just grumbling and complaining?
It amazes me how so many blame our president for many situations in our country and even around the world. Do folks not realize the president’s seat is a position that is controlled by many? This position is not merely one man operating his own personal agenda! He has many ‘advisors’ both here and around the world.
I do believe we are to pray for our president and all leaders. Maybe if we all prayed as often as we grumble and complain about him and other leaders we’d truly see greater healthy change.
I am gravely concerned for our next generation yet I refuse to give up on them and live in fear! Yep, Jesus is coming back one day, maybe sooner than most expect, but until then, I will continue to love others…..and nope, I don’t tolerate just anything either. …not supposed to….I can love you but I do not have to agree with you!
Blind tolerance is not smart. You do have common sense. Tap into that. Listen to that still small voice. Chose to do what’s right. Follow truth. Be kind on purpose. Share a smile. Listen more, speak less. Know you are profoundly loved.
We are not in this world alone. Engage with others. Put your phone down and look around. It is still a beautiful place to be!
One day we all will answer for our own decisions. I’m so very thankful for His amazing grace!
Choose on purpose to be a light in a dark world. Share a smile. Extend a helping hand. Determine to make a difference. Set a great example. Be kind.