Some of us put ’em in a box and shove them to the back of our mind hoping maybe one day we’ll pursue them. Maybe we’re afraid to dream for fear of failure….or perhaps fear of succeeding! Hummm…. Others of us jump on board with our dreams no matter what. I’ve been kinda stuck somewhere in the middle.
I’ve wanted to be an author, a writer since I was a young girl-child. I wrote my first story, Bears Foot Town when I was nine years old. When I was sixteen my mother bought me my first typewriter…yes, the old fashion kind. A manual! I continued pounding out short stories year after year. I so wish I hadn’t of lost them in my various moves but alas, I no longer have them. However, I am forever creating new stories in my mind and often times pounding them out on my laptop.
But….I’ve decided to take the plunge and pursue my dream of becoming a published author!
My first book, Secrets in the Hollers, was written in a fictional setting taking place in a small town in eastern Kentucky based on a true story: Mine! This first book in the Secret series shares my story of horrific child abuse I fought with all my being to overcome! Physical. Mental/emotional. Sexual. Even being pimped out by those who were supposed to have loved and protected me to men in the community to help ‘pay the light bill’! My own personal experience with human sex slave trafficking!
With in the month, I’ll be sending book 2, Secrets Exposed, to the printer. This book deals with various forms of narcissism and domestic violence I experienced. It’s time to expose those secrets we have all been listening to! #secretsnomore
I am so thankful I’ve had the hope of Jesus to walk with me every step of the way. Does that mean life’s been easy or without pain?
Goodness me NO! But with His hope, I’ve been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel! I’ve been able to see a purpose in my life!
Don’t let anyone steal your dreams!
Dreams do matter! I believe they help give you a reason to get up in the morning and move forward. I also believe they are given to us by our Poppa God as part of His amazing purpose and plan to help bring His Kingdom to earth from Heaven.
I would love to hear about your dreams!
Drop me a line here or hit me up on face book at Author Pamela Richards Woodall or you can send a snail mail to PO Box 1373 Somerset, Ky 42502
Recently, my husband and I placed my mother under Hospice care. That was a hard decision! My mother and I have had a perilous relationship all my life. We never connected in a healthy mother-daughter relationship which has caused me to repeat many of those unhealthy learned behaviors. I’m thankful for those in my life and my relationship with Jesus for helping me see the need to create healthy behaviors and boundaries, and to quickly forgive! Nope…not always easy but necessary!
These past weeks as I’ve watched this woman who carried me in her womb and gave birth to me deteriorate, weaken, fall many times, retreat to her childhood, shrink back in morbid fear from whatever demons may be haunting her….I’ve realized I’ve been given a precious gift. And I grabbed it with both hands.
I have traced child abuse back five generations on both sides of my family. Abuse has been a generational curse but for me, it has stopped. I’ve had to do a lot of forgiving but it’s necessary if I am to gain healing and freedom. I chose to forgive my mother which has also led me to forgive her mother and even her mother for not knowing how to bestow on each daughter, in turn, healthy nurturing a mother should be able to willingly do.
We become what we are taught in our childhood whether good or bad. When we are children it is never our fault for the bad things that happen. But when we become an adult, it is our responsibility to seek our Father’s healing through prayer, studying the Word, and seeking godly counselors with an on purpose determination to overcome the lies of the enemy to become the man or woman God designed us to be.
I found this article in Psychology Today about the wounds daughters receive when the mother-daughter relationship is unhealthy.
We as mothers do have the ability to turn things around. It is our responsibility to gain healing for ourselves plus teach our daughters and granddaughters how wonderfully special they are! It’s time to stop the cycle of teaching them they are worthless or stupid and will never amount to anything and so much worse! Those are lies from the enemy! Search the Word of God to gain His truth of what He says about you and your children!
For the past several weeks when we’ve visited my mom we’ve been blessed with some good visits: Not all visits have been good. When she’s been alert, she has given us a very special gift! She has apologized to my beloved husband and myself for the hurts she’s caused in our life!
(There have been many wounds that have created a deep chasm down through the fabric of time that can never be changed nor the consequences for those actions. But we learn what we can to grow into a better person and make the choice to not repeat the cycle.)
That for me is huge!! I view these conversations as a sweet gift from God to redeem the past and apply the balm of Gilead to those wounds my soul has carried for many years. And healing my mother’s soul!
I have no idea when she will pass. Doctors say it could happen today or several months from now. She has two large blood clots in her lungs. She’s beginning to eat less and falls frequently. It hurts my heart to see her having to live this way but I know God’s got it! I’m thankful for the blessings I’ve been given. Doesn’t mean it hurts less for I still have a lot of emotional pain but I’m learning to let go and give it to Him! And I am grateful for every visit I get with her especially when she’s alert and we can laugh and enjoy being together!
I’ve made her funeral plans. I know some may think that morbid but I’d rather do it now when there’s less stress than wait till the time is here when the stress will be greater. She says she’s ready to go and is leaving the arrangements up to my husband and me. It will be a sweet home-going! I plan to speak at her home-doing celebration to share the positive things about her and to share also that mental health is so very important!
When you grow up hearing such ugly words from your mother plus all the other abuses, it rips your soul especially from a mother to a daughter. But when you do receive the opportunity to hear your mother look you squarely in the eye and say, “I am sorry I hurt you!” Or, “You are so beautiful!” Or, “I’m so proud of you!” Or, “I know your books are going to help so many people!” It makes your soul gain deep inner healing and soar as it was meant to be!
I am praying for the relationship you have with your mother, whether she’s alive or passed, whether you’re a son or daughter! It matters! I care! May God through His precious Son, Jesus Christ, touch your soul in a deep way to bring healing!
Please feel to follow us in our new group, Broken Pieces No More, on facebook.
I woke this morning refreshed and energized, even excited! My body is tired but my mind renewed and for that, I am very thankful. You see, over the past four days my world has turned upside down so to speak. On Friday, the nursing home where my mother stays had to have her transported to the Emergency Room. There, after testing, they discovered two large blood clots, one on each lung. After consulting with the doctor he told us that she would probably be gone before morning. She’d refused medicine and even the oxygen that was vital for her living.
We all need our momma!
Wow! What a shock! I’d contacted our son who lives 700 miles away. The doctor told us he didn’t believe our son could get to the hospital in time before my mother passed. Goodness! So my husband and I prepare for the finality of her home-going as best we can. We stayed at the hospital until late in the night when she grew agitated so we left thinking maybe we were causing her to not rest.
The next morning I hadn’t received a call that she’d passed so we were kinda shocked and even more so when we got to the unit where she was only to see her standing at the nurses’ station talking with them. Oh, my goodness! This woman sure is tough!
After a consult with the doctor, who was as shocked as we were of her continuing to live given the conditions of her lungs, we decided the best route to take would be to have Hospice give her comfort care for her last days. So later in the day, they transported her back to the nursing home.
We and the doctor asked her repeatedly if she’d like the medicine that would prolong her life. Her response was, “No, I want to go home!” Well, I’m thinking to the home she grew up in. So I ask her, “Mom, what home?”
She responds, “I wanta go to Heaven to see Jesus and Tommy! (My stepdad.)
As my husband and I have daily visited her we have been very shocked at her mood. She laughs, she jokes and we enjoy being with her. At our last visit, she was tracking well and in a good mood. Some things were mentioned about the past where there’d been some deep heart woundings for both my husband and me. She looked at my husband and said, “I’m so sorry! Will you ever forgive me?” Wow…and yes he has and told her so.
Then the conversation shifted to some rough years I’d had to endure at her manipulating after my husband I were separated long years ago. (We are now remarried. He is my precious soulmate!) She looked at me and said, “And that was my fault and I’m so sorry you were hurt!” Again, wow!!!
And we’ve talked about the books I’m writing. She asked me to remind her of my first one. I told her it was about the child abuse I’d experienced. “And the second”, she asked.
“It’s about the domestic violence I experienced”, I replied.
She paused a few minutes then looked up at me and said, “Your books will help a lot of people!” Wow…just wow!
My point in all of this is never give up! Pray for God’s redemption and restoration. My mother is dying. It could be today or a few months from now but she is indeed dying. I know God has blessed us with a very special gift. I believe I am seeing what my mother woulda been like had she not gone through her own horrific abuse! She made bad choices, we all have; however, she did not gain the healing needed to overcome brokenness from the past.
We all need freedom and forgiveness!
I encourage you, forgive those who have hurt you! Please don’t waste precious time! None of us are guaranteed of tomorrow. You may not be able to have a healed relationship with them because they may still be too toxic but you can walk in the sweet benefits of forgiving! Forgiveness is for you so you may live your life in victory and freedom and sweet healing!
I would love to hear your story of how you have been able to forgive!
For me….I had to….
1. Ask God to give me the want to, to even begin to forgive!
It wasn’t easy and took lots of practice! I knew Jesus had forgiven me and it was necessary for me to do the same to others who’d hurt me.
2. I had to remember I am not ruled or lead by my emotions but His truth.
There were many days on top of many days when I did not ‘feel’ like forgiving her or anyone who’s abused me. That doesn’t make it so. I had to remember, sometimes even as I was screaming and kicking my way through the mess, that His truth would set me free!
3. I needed to accept I was worth forgiving!
So many times those of us who have been hurt through abuse often feel unworthy. We struggle with whether or not anyone could ever really love us because we feel so dirty. Those are lies from the devil! He wants us to stay in bondage so he can lead us down a very dark, destructive path. He is a lier!!
In accepting I am worth forgiving it is often easier to then forgive others as well as self!
Jesus paid a very high price for my freedom: With His very life!
I am learning that I am indeed worth loving and forgiving myself because my Jesus says so! And so are you!
Today is Fathers Day and many are celebrating with great memories of kind and loving fathers.
And that is awesome!
However, not all of us have those sweet memories to fall back on nor a healthy relationship with our father.
Sadly there are those of us who have memories of a mean, uncaring father. Experiences of an abusive father who believed it was his job to teach his child about sex. Memories of ugly words being flung at our tender young soul that still haunt and defile us….from our father.
I applaud all those who have sweet memories of their father. Personally I have no clue what a healthy father-daughter relationship would even look like!
I’m so very thankful I’ve finally reached a point of realizing how very much God longs to be my father and even my mother! He’s a good, good father!
I’m so grateful God has been so patient with me as I’m learning more and more to trust Him! He’s a kind and loving Father!
Today I also pray for those fathers who’s adult children have made the choice to not be in their fathers lives. I know how deeply it hurts fathers!
I pray for my father and continue to lift him up to the Father. I pray my father seeks forgiveness before it’s too late!
I have forgiven my dad. It certainly wasn’t easy but very necessary! And honestly there are still those days my emotions rise up causing me to wanta squish him like a wad of paper.
But I let go and trust God for His healing!
This year instead of focusing on what I never had and focusing on the devastating loss, I am choosing to focus on the positive.
There are many men in my life who demonstrate what it is like to be a healthy father including my own husband! I am choosing to see the positive.
I’m also continuing to explore this new relationship with my Abba God as my father! He will never leave me nor forsake me! And He loves me greatly cuz I’m His favorite! lol
I recently had an opportunity to visit with a friend who’d grown up not far from where I did. We hadn’t seen each other in ages nor had we visited at length as we did yesterday. I walked away from that visit both feeling validated and saddened at the same time. Validated that someone else knew the truth to my story, yet sad because no one stepped forward to rescue the little girl who was being abused.
As she and I began to talk she described what I had thought had been kept secret from the community all those long years ago. After all, grandma was often known to yell, “Now, what will the neighbors think?” I grew up believing I had to please the neighbors, (people pleasing is not good). Back then that’d put fear coursing all throughout my being, now I don’t give a flip! I refuse to give others power over me any longer. (Truthfully, I am working on this one!)
While we sat there talking she began to whisper how she remembered hearing her parents and grandparents talk in a worried way about my safety and well-being. She told me that they prayed a lot for me because “they just knew bad things were happening to me”.
She even shared how her parents somehow heard about how my mother threw my belongings out the front door into the yard when she was trying her hardest to split my beloved and me apart. And she did succeed; however, God has a wonderful way of redeeming according to His plan and will! He put us back together!
Listening to her softly spoken words, almost as if she were embarrassed to share, of various things I’d been exposed to; things that had been done to me I was astounded that others in our community knew of the horror. Why hadn’t someone done something? I’ll never know.
Growing up in an abusive and dysfunctional home can cause many soul scars. Seeking healthy healing along my life’s path has brought me to a place in my life where I now know and fully understand that scripture where it talks about the ‘peace that passes all understanding’. Philippians 4:7 I’ve learned to guard my peace very closely!
It has taken a lot of hard work but I now know the power of forgiving others. Those who set out to do me harm, who hurt my little girl’s body. Anyone who has hurt you, it is important for you to make the effort to forgive them. Oh, not for them necessarily but for you! Holding a grudge against another is like eating poison hoping the other person dies and you end up six foot under. Not smart!
Forgive, no matter what they do to you. Acts 7:59-60 NIV ‘While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.’
We all have junk we must overcome. Or we can continue to waller in it all the days of our life not being any real to others, or our self and certainly not being active in furthering the Kingdom of God. I’m on the other side of my battles and I find when I glance back wondering how I made it, how I didn’t die. But God! Now I want to share my truth and see others gain their freedom, their healing, gain their peace of mind which passes all understanding.
You too can gain your peace of mind. I’d love to share with you. Thanks for listening. Remember, you are so very valuable and important. You are beautiful and full of life. You are special and intelligent. You are all this and more. Your Heavenly Father says so and He can’t lie.
Secrets! We all have them! We all are carries of the secrets. But how many of us are able to make the decision to stop doing so?
I have decided that I will have #secretsnomore !!
I carried them for many years…only to end up bruised, battered, and almost beaten down to where I could rise no more! For over half of my life I carried those dark, destructive secrets down on the inside of my soul which almost killed me. But God had other plans!
So I’m learning to heal and share my story of what I experienced and how I have overcome!
Now, today, I am a woman who is set on enjoying this life I’ve been given to the fullest! I have a wonderful husband who is also my soulmate! He is my biggest encourager and supporter!
I chose to not keep their secrets any longer!
Why should I? Most of those abusers are dead now anyway but even if not, I still refuse to keep their secrets!
What secrets have you been keeping?
In my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, I share bits and pieces in a fictional setting of what I experienced back in the hollers of Kentucky. I will soon be releasing book two, Secrets Exposed, and am hoping to have book three, which is as yet untitled, published before the end of the year.
My husband and I are also writing our story spanning over 40 years, Soul Mates: A story of Redemption!
He has been encouraging me to write My Truth: The Story behind the Secrets which will be autobiographical. Whew..that will be a challenging one for sure!
I encourage you to begin telling one secret. It starts with a small step, a determination, a knowing that you, my friend, are really worth the effort to gain the healing of your soul you deserve! You are special and you are very worthy!
I am hear to listen to your story, to tell your secrets to. No one should have to carry such a heavy burden!
What secret are you willing to share today?
You too can begin today by having #secretsnomore !
Feel free to email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Follow me on face book at Author Pamela Richards Woodall.
You are ‘nobody’s’ anything but you are God’s everything!
When others doubt your abilities, your functions, your dreams….that’s your cue to change the channel, to turn the dial, to tune them out.
You were created for great things!
God doesn’t make junk!
You are beautiful in His eyes! He is watching over you and loves you with an everlasting unconditional love! A love that will never fail! A love that you can not stop Him from loving you no matter what you do! A love, that when you do finally accept it, will cause you to go further than you ever dreamed of!