Today is Fathers Day and many are celebrating with great memories of kind and loving fathers.
And that is awesome!
However, not all of us have those sweet memories to fall back on nor a healthy relationship with our father.
Sadly there are those of us who have memories of a mean, uncaring father. Experiences of an abusive father who believed it was his job to teach his child about sex. Memories of ugly words being flung at our tender young soul that still haunt and defile us….from our father.
I applaud all those who have sweet memories of their father. Personally I have no clue what a healthy father-daughter relationship would even look like!
I’m so very thankful I’ve finally reached a point of realizing how very much God longs to be my father and even my mother! He’s a good, good father!
I’m so grateful God has been so patient with me as I’m learning more and more to trust Him! He’s a kind and loving Father!
Today I also pray for those fathers who’s adult children have made the choice to not be in their fathers lives. I know how deeply it hurts fathers!
I pray for my father and continue to lift him up to the Father. I pray my father seeks forgiveness before it’s too late!
I have forgiven my dad. It certainly wasn’t easy but very necessary! And honestly there are still those days my emotions rise up causing me to wanta squish him like a wad of paper.
But I let go and trust God for His healing!
This year instead of focusing on what I never had and focusing on the devastating loss, I am choosing to focus on the positive.
There are many men in my life who demonstrate what it is like to be a healthy father including my own husband! I am choosing to see the positive.
I’m also continuing to explore this new relationship with my Abba God as my father! He will never leave me nor forsake me! And He loves me greatly cuz I’m His favorite! lol
I recently had an opportunity to visit with a friend who’d grown up not far from where I did. We hadn’t seen each other in ages nor had we visited at length as we did yesterday. I walked away from that visit both feeling validated and saddened at the same time. Validated that someone else knew the truth to my story, yet sad because no one stepped forward to rescue the little girl who was being abused.
As she and I began to talk she described what I had thought had been kept secret from the community all those long years ago. After all, grandma was often known to yell, “Now, what will the neighbors think?” I grew up believing I had to please the neighbors, (people pleasing is not good). Back then that’d put fear coursing all throughout my being, now I don’t give a flip! I refuse to give others power over me any longer. (Truthfully, I am working on this one!)
While we sat there talking she began to whisper how she remembered hearing her parents and grandparents talk in a worried way about my safety and well-being. She told me that they prayed a lot for me because “they just knew bad things were happening to me”.
She even shared how her parents somehow heard about how my mother threw my belongings out the front door into the yard when she was trying her hardest to split my beloved and me apart. And she did succeed; however, God has a wonderful way of redeeming according to His plan and will! He put us back together!
Listening to her softly spoken words, almost as if she were embarrassed to share, of various things I’d been exposed to; things that had been done to me I was astounded that others in our community knew of the horror. Why hadn’t someone done something? I’ll never know.
Growing up in an abusive and dysfunctional home can cause many soul scars. Seeking healthy healing along my life’s path has brought me to a place in my life where I now know and fully understand that scripture where it talks about the ‘peace that passes all understanding’. Philippians 4:7 I’ve learned to guard my peace very closely!
It has taken a lot of hard work but I now know the power of forgiving others. Those who set out to do me harm, who hurt my little girl’s body. Anyone who has hurt you, it is important for you to make the effort to forgive them. Oh, not for them necessarily but for you! Holding a grudge against another is like eating poison hoping the other person dies and you end up six foot under. Not smart!
Forgive, no matter what they do to you. Acts 7:59-60 NIV ‘While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.’
We all have junk we must overcome. Or we can continue to waller in it all the days of our life not being any real to others, or our self and certainly not being active in furthering the Kingdom of God. I’m on the other side of my battles and I find when I glance back wondering how I made it, how I didn’t die. But God! Now I want to share my truth and see others gain their freedom, their healing, gain their peace of mind which passes all understanding.
You too can gain your peace of mind. I’d love to share with you. Thanks for listening. Remember, you are so very valuable and important. You are beautiful and full of life. You are special and intelligent. You are all this and more. Your Heavenly Father says so and He can’t lie.
Secrets! We all have them! We all are carries of the secrets. But how many of us are able to make the decision to stop doing so?
I have decided that I will have #secretsnomore !!
I carried them for many years…only to end up bruised, battered, and almost beaten down to where I could rise no more! For over half of my life I carried those dark, destructive secrets down on the inside of my soul which almost killed me. But God had other plans!
So I’m learning to heal and share my story of what I experienced and how I have overcome!
Now, today, I am a woman who is set on enjoying this life I’ve been given to the fullest! I have a wonderful husband who is also my soulmate! He is my biggest encourager and supporter!
I chose to not keep their secrets any longer!
Why should I? Most of those abusers are dead now anyway but even if not, I still refuse to keep their secrets!
What secrets have you been keeping?
In my first book, Secrets in the Hollers, I share bits and pieces in a fictional setting of what I experienced back in the hollers of Kentucky. I will soon be releasing book two, Secrets Exposed, and am hoping to have book three, which is as yet untitled, published before the end of the year.
My husband and I are also writing our story spanning over 40 years, Soul Mates: A story of Redemption!
He has been encouraging me to write My Truth: The Story behind the Secrets which will be autobiographical. Whew..that will be a challenging one for sure!
I encourage you to begin telling one secret. It starts with a small step, a determination, a knowing that you, my friend, are really worth the effort to gain the healing of your soul you deserve! You are special and you are very worthy!
I am hear to listen to your story, to tell your secrets to. No one should have to carry such a heavy burden!
What secret are you willing to share today?
You too can begin today by having #secretsnomore !
Feel free to email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Follow me on face book at Author Pamela Richards Woodall.
You are ‘nobody’s’ anything but you are God’s everything!
When others doubt your abilities, your functions, your dreams….that’s your cue to change the channel, to turn the dial, to tune them out.
You were created for great things!
God doesn’t make junk!
You are beautiful in His eyes! He is watching over you and loves you with an everlasting unconditional love! A love that will never fail! A love that you can not stop Him from loving you no matter what you do! A love, that when you do finally accept it, will cause you to go further than you ever dreamed of!
Have you ever had days where you seem to wrestle with some unseen force just to barely keep your head above water? It’s almost like some giant hand is trying ever so hard to push you under the water!
Have you felt surely that you were gonna drown in the depths of despair?
Have you ever tried ever so hard to get away from your own self because of the many thoughts that are fighting one over the other to get to the forefront of your mind?
Personally I often struggle with chaotic thoughts, even stinking thinking. I grew up in an abusive, dysfunctional home which created a perfect cesspool of an opportunity for stinkin’ thinkin’! I learned how to think unwisely as a child. I learned how to think unbalanced, unhealthy. Now I am learning how to think more in a healthy manner! But it’s not always easy, well at least for me anyway!
As an abused child I learned, conditioned if you will, at a very early age to try to think one, two or ever five steps ahead of a situation so I could possibly avoid yet another attack; I learned how to plot various situations in my head to figure out what I should do if this or that happened. When we learn that behavior as a child it makes deep ruts in our brains that if we don’t make the effort to get out of those ruts as an adult could very well end up being our grave! I don’t know about you but I didn’t want that!
So I’m learning to change my stinkin’ thinkin’ by creating new paths in my brain; healthier ways of thinking! Stinkin thinkin only serves to kill, steal and destroy! I want life and life more abundantly!
So what am I learning to do to change that behavior, to change that old way of thinking?
1. Identify Old Patterns
It’s taken me may years but I am realizing I am making progress in this area. I’m learning to quickly identify old patterns that have before caused me pain, grief, depression, anxiety and so much more!
Actually just this week I had an experience where I’d wandered around in this funk, this stinkin’ thinkin’, letting it suck the life outta me like two ticks and no dog! I allowed myself to get into a major depression from listening to the lies, the assaults on my thinking of how bad I am or how I’d never amount to anything or any of a hundred more accusations! While talking with my sweet husband later on I realized that the voice I heard were very familiar from my past, even all the way back to my childhood. Oh wow…revelation!
And as he so sweetly reminded me, “Babe, that’s not your Father’s voice!” (Meaning our Heavenly Father) And he was and is right!
Identify that voice.
2. Assess if the message is helpful or hurtful
So as the day that I heard and listened to the stinkin’ thinkin’ wore on I realized that the words I was hearing in my head were actually giving me a headache. Well that’s certainly not a good thing now is it?! In fact it was hurtful!
By mid-afternoon I was not only fighting depression, I was battling a major headache! I had to make some changes.
So I got out and went for a short walk to hopefully clear my head. I got a shower and actively began to change my way of thinking, change what I was listening to. And it did make a difference!
I was sad to admit all that time I spent listening to those words I’d wasted precious time I would not get back. I had allowed myself to be duped into believing the stinkin thinkin that had plagued my mind for most of that day!
3. Create a new strategy
Remember those ruts I mentioned earlier? I learned to view them as a cow path down to the pond from across the hill round the field. That cow will take the path of least resistance, much like we humans often do, and in doing so by going the same route over and over again, pretty soon a rut begins to form. Oh at first it’s merely a faint path hard to make out but after months and years of walking the same way day after day it becomes more clearly defined.
So in order to get out of this rut I must create a new plan of action, a new strategy! I must choose on purpose to think differently. I’m learning to recognize the accusing voice much quicker! And not only to recognize when I’m being lied to; I must replace those lies with His truth! And in order to know what that is I must discover it! I must search out His truth and what He says about me!
This all takes effort on my part but if I want to grow, if I want to take responsibility for my life, as a healthy adult should, then I must be willing to do so!
You too can do something similar.
If you are fighting stinkin thinkin there is positive changes availiable. I don’t know about you but I’ve decided that life is just way too precious and too short, to spend the rest of my years beating myself up. I am going to adjust my thinking. I am creating a new cow path so to speak. I do not wanta live in a rut the rest of my life!
No! I’m going to explore, discover who I am, who He wants me to be!
I’m so thankful that I’m learning to identify that voice and access whether or not those words I hear in my head is helpful or hurtful then create a new strategy! Good growth is possible!
Be kind to yourself during this transition process. It’s not easy to climb up out of a rut you’ve been walking in for years. You’ll need to be strong to climb up over and out but you can do it! One step at a time! One day at a time!
Today was a stormy one so couldn’t work outside. Instead I was able to do some much needed writing on book 2 of the Secret series, Secrets Exposed.
The other night I woke up from a dream about my characters and realized there’d be a twist with them as I’d never allowed Alex to share about his family. Right now he’s a mystery. His family is a mystery. And that mystery will aid in writing the next few chapters.
Secrets in the Hollers was the beginning! My beginning! My beginning to writing and sharing truth in a fictional setting.
You can read my book for the enjoyment or as a resource book for counselors, pastors, doctors, etc!
I write about the various secrets that go on behind closed doors.
I write about the hope I’ve found and long to share that with you!
Today I wish all the fathers in my life a wonderful day. I wish I had the warm, fuzzy memories of my dad as many do on this day but sadly I do not.
For most of my life I have been angry and really messed up because I didn’t have a protective kinda dad. That was not my reality and I’ve come to accept that more and more.
What I now believe is that a father is supposed to protect all his children from the harm of this world; not hurt them. He’s to love his wife and cover her so they present a solid unit as they raise their children in love and peace.
Sadly not all do!
My dad left my mom before my first birthday. There was a whole lot of cheating going on!
My dad would visit me off and on through out my childhood but never a solid person in my life. He had another family to care for. There are many hurtful things I could share about my dad but I chose not to.
I know what it’s like to grow up with no father, no protective love, no affirmation that I was ‘daddy’s princess’, no “I’ll protect you from the monsters that scare you”.
I had to learn to slay those lies of how unworthy I thought I was because there was no one to protect and love me as a father should. Those lies that told me I was no good, stupid, never amount to anything and more!
I’ve finally learned that even though it woulda been absolutely wonderful to have had a kind, caring, loving and protective father I did not! And I have survived!
I now know who my wonderful, loving, incredible Heavenly Father is and that I’m His Princess! That He loves me with an unconditional love. That there’s nothing I could ever do to earn His love, not cause Him to abandon or reject me.
I am learning how amazing He’s created me to be. I am learning He sees me as worthy and valuable and important and loveable!!
Oh yes, it’d be amazing to have a earthly father who’d hold me when I’m weeping and tell me ” it’s gonna be alright” but I don’t!
However I do have a Heavenly Father who knows it is and I chose to trust in Him! I chose to allow Him to heal all those wounds connected with my dad and to give me a hope for my future cuz I know He is always with me and will never leave me. He told me that in His Word!
In His Word are so many good verses that help me along my life journey. I’ve found great help and peace in times of dark trails! In His Word I find comfort and joy and everlasting love cuz He is Love!
No, I may not have had the opportunity many have of celebrating this Father’s Day with a beloved father. I do celebrate my Heavenly Father though because I know He loves me just as I am and encourages me to grow in His truth.